Walking Wounded

The other day I was talking with a lady that I had known for almost a year. She and I worked on an annual conference that is held at my church. The interesting thing about that conversation is that I found out she is married. She often spoke of her children, but never did she mention her husband until the other day. Unfortunately, her husband NEVER attends church with her or anywhere. She is one of the many women who faithfully attend church while their husbands faithfully stay away from the church.

Her life story is full of disappointments, frustrations, defeats and periodic bouts of loneliness and hopelessness. (She sounds single, doesn’t she? – smile) But sad to say, her story (which is not all bad) is not out of the ordinary. Many of us have stories we could tell about how we made it through that rough time in our lives or how we are currently facing a situation that we don’t know how we are going to overcome. But, most of us remain hopeful that God will once again come to the rescue.

This post is in tribute to the many walking wounded among us. Without knowing your stories; I commend you for still getting up every morning, doing well on your jobs, maintaining a decent grade average at school or continuing your faithfulness at the various church or civic groups you are a part of. There were days you wanted to pull the covers over your head and sit out that particular day. And if that person who specializes in working your last nerve had crossed your path on that day, well let’s just thank God that you are not what you used to be!

My prayer for all of the walking wounded out there is that you will master the art of taking life one step at a time. (You may not want to admit it, but all of us have been or will be walking wounded at some point in our lives.) If you can make just one more step, then maybe you will have the strength to make two. And before you know it, you will look back and wonder how you got over. But that really won’t be a secret, will it? You made it because of He who was wounded for our transgressions. By a living example, Jesus is showing that there is hope for the walking wounded. My prayer is that the efforts put forth by our Lord and Savior will not be wasted because we succumbed to our fears and egos.

If You Think I’m Sexy

I know many of you may not be familiar with the song by Rod Stewart where he says, “If you think I’m sexy……Come on sugar tell me so.” That song came out in the 70’s.

Anyway, sometimes in a false sense of piety, Christian singles try to deny what is obvious to themselves. If you won’t admit to it, then I will. Frequently, I will observe a woman I think is quite sexy. It could be her physicality or it might be due to some intangible quality. Does my recognition of a woman’s sexiness make me less of a Christian? Well, I hope not!!

As I mentioned in my previous post entitled, “Look at, Not For”, the problems with seeing the beauty that God has made in the form of other people have more to do with how we process that information. Upon seeing a sexy woman, do I indulge myself with sexual fantasies? Anytime we reduce someone to the role of just being a sexual tool for our pleasure; we deny them their humanity which is the very opposite of what single Christians should be doing.

The other day, a woman paid me a compliment about my looks and it was something I needed to hear at that time. How often do we miss out on opportunities to uplift people with compliments because we think it may be inappropriate? Just as we should be discreet in the compliments we give, we also need to be mindful of how we react to being complimented. For example, when the aforementioned woman complimented me, I didn’t try to turn that into a game of sexual hide and seek. I thanked her and smiled and we moved on to other things to talk about.

So, if you think someone is sexy or attractive or has very alluring features; I see nothing wrong with letting that person know. If necessary, you can “warn” them that your compliment is not a line or an opening move to get in their pants or steal their hearts. You are just acknowledging another one of God’s beautiful creations. Additionally, if you are the one being complimented, don’t immediately try to turn it into a romantic or sexual relationship. If that is meant to be, it will come in time.

I am convinced that God wants us to enjoy our singleness for as long as we are single. If being a Christian single mean denying that there are sexy and attractive people out there, then that would take away from some of the enjoyment of being single!! Just because I think someone is sexy doesn’t mean that I want to sleep with them or make them my girlfriend. Healthy relationships should be based on more than just that.

Now as the summer season approaches, let’s get out there and have some good Christian fun and see how many sexy people we can take notice of in our respective journeys of singleness.

I Can Do Bad All By Myself

“I can do bad all by myself” is a phrase that I believe is misguided. I understand the sentiment behind it which is the notion that it makes no sense to bring people into our lives that are going to mess things up. However, I believe this phrase also suggests a gross misunderstanding of human nature.

I believe God made us not with the capacity to know and do everything. Each day, we rely on others to help us accomplish our tasks and reach our goals. It is like God built into each one of us the need and the desire to work with and get along with other people. Otherwise without this “built-in” social urge; we would push everybody away and say, “Get out of my way. I will do it myself.”

But doing things by ourselves is not very Christian. Contrary to the high praise for individualism and independence; Christians place a higher value on service and love. We are not called to serve and love ourselves, but rather to love and serve others.

So when we say, “I can do bad all by myself” we are not speaking the whole truth. Yes, that “good for nothing” person can make your life a living hell. But the reality to consider is the decision process that caused you to allow that “bad” person into your life would still be there with or without the presence of the anti-hero/heroine. That same inner quality can cause much more damage in your life than any person with bad intentions can. In fact, it is the presence of other people (good or bad) that helps to lessen the impact of the faulty internal processes we all possess.

So the real truth is “I can (and most likely will) do WORSE all by myself." I can hear you saying, “Hey, you don’t understand how that man left me with 3 kids and no visible means of supporting myself” or “That gold digging woman took me for everything I owned and now I am looking at bankruptcy”. These and other terrible situations seem to suggest that without these scoundrels, life would have been much better than it has turned out to be. But we must also take into account that the same tendencies we have that allowed those people into our lives were there before the “bad” people came. Upon review of your life, you probably would have opened your heart or your house or your life to them sooner had not other people been in your life. Also, when all hell broke loose, it was other people who helped to soften the blow.

The point of this whole discussion is for us to embrace that part of us that drives us to get involved with others. Interacting with others is something that single Christians should do. It is taking the non-spiritual and easy way out to hide behind the myth that “I can do bad all by myself.” God is not calling us to “DO” bad; He expects us to “DO” good and the good we do is most effective when it includes others. Or put another way, we are more likely to do WORSE (and not just bad) if we are by ourselves.

How Ironic?

Sometimes God can use the smallest things to teach us and to enable us to help others.

About a month ago, the "check engine soon" light came on in my beat up old car. After shelling out some big bucks, I was told that I needed to have the engine replaced. But until I can come up with THAT kind of money, I could drive it. So since then, I have been feeling like I have been driving that car on borrowed time.

About two weeks ago, I was downtown paying a bill when a lady and her teenage son asked if I had jumper cables. To make a long story less long, I was able to help jump start her car.

Yesterday, one of my neighbors left her car lights on all night and she needed a jump and I was also able to get her car going.

To me, it just seemed ironic that my car which appears to be on its last legs was able to be the source of helping others with their car troubles.

But, isn't that one of the ways that God works? In our singleness, we will identify things (sometimes incorrectly) that we feel are not working. But God will provide opportunities for us to still be able to help others with that very thing which we feel is broken.

So whether it is a non-existing love life or seemingly endless nights of "no good loving" or a job whose paycheck is more like an insult or friends who have not been very friendly lately; be on the watch out for God to use you and those "broken" things in your life to help someone.

I really can't explain it, but for whatever reason; God sometimes allows us the opportunity to help others in the most ironic situations. I think part of the reason He does this is to help us not take our challenges too seriously. There are people besides ourselves who have stuff to deal with and we might as well be the ones to come to their rescue; regardless of how ironic the circumstances of our aid might be.

Looking At, Not For

There is a song that says the summer is "girl watching" time. I must admit that the summer heat, extended daytime hours and summer apparel presents many opportunities for people to admire the various aspects of beauty that God has blessed humankind with.

Undoubtedly, I am not the only "girl watcher" out there and there are also many of you who are "boy watchers". As single Christians, I think it is important to acknowledge that we appreciate the physical characteristics that match our individualized standards of attractiveness. For me, a woman's eyes, the shape of her nose and the length of her neck are a few of the things that get my attention. For you, it might by the broadness of his shoulders, his eyes or his soft looking lips that makes you take a second look.

That is okay. Let's continue to admire God's handiwork. However, let's not forget that the objects of our admiration are more than a well put together mass of bones, muscles and flesh with all the right parts in the right places and in the right proportion. Also, no one is ONLY here for the fulfillment of our selfish desires. Each person is a creation of God. Some just look real good!

If she looks good to me, let me also consider the opportunity that she may be a good spiritual and mental match for me. If I can just leave things at "She looks good" without reducing her to a starring role in my lustful fantasy, then I am just looking at her and not for her.

If he looks good to you, don't forget to factor in whether or not he will be a healthy and life-affirming complement for you. If you can admire his "fine self" without dreaming of having his babies or becoming his wife or his lover, then you have mastered the fine art of looking at him and not for him.

As tempting as it may be during this "girl and boy watching season", let's keep things in the proper perspective by learning to look AT and not look FOR the beautiful people we encounter. There is nothing wrong with recognizing the beauty that God has planted in His creations. We just have to make sure we don't lose our minds or spiritual integrity. We have to stay focussed on not letting our imaginations get out of hand.

Having said that; let's enjoy this summer of the watching season!!

Stop By Place

I am single and I am on top of the world!

If that is not how you feel today, then perhaps what you need is a STOP BY PLACE.

Put simply, a STOP BY PLACE is the location where our faith in God intersects with His love for us. The problem is not with God's love, but it is our faith. You see, what happens is because God is not as visible to us as Mr. or Miss Look So Good or our bank accounts or girlish or boyish figures or high powered social connections; we put more faith in these things than on God.

This simple post is just an encouragement for all Christian singles to pump up our faith muscles so that our STOP BY PLACE is as high and effective as possible. Because when our faith in God is high (and the love that God has for us is already high); we will have more days when we can truly say,

I am single and I am on top of the world!

Competing Desires

I believe it is in Psalms where the writer says, “One thing that I desire of the Lord and that I will seek after….” As Christian singles, we too share in that sentiment. We want to “dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever”. What a wonderful thought! If we remained focused on that desire; our singleness would truly be blessed.

I can hear you say, “Hold it a minute there! My singleness is blessed, so whatever you are talking about does not apply to me.”

My response to that is it is natural to have “other” desires also. Yes, we KNOW that the Lord should be first in our lives, but every now and then, we allow other desires to creep into our hearts. If it has been a long time since someone has held us in their arms; we may DESIRE to be held. If life has been dealing you a particularly rough hand; your DESIRE may be for a sense of peace. If your physical and spiritual beauty has not been affirmed lately, you may DESIRE the appreciative glance of someone of the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong with having desires like these and others. It is my strong opinion that God was the ONE who gave us these desires. He made us so that we will go out of our way to relate to others as lovers, friends, family and associates. Otherwise, many of us would just throw up our hands and become islands unto ourselves.

When it comes to our desires, we can have them without them messing up our relationship to God. Let’s keep our desire for God first while we also acknowledge the other desires. Perhaps more important than having “other” desires is using spiritual discretion concerning to whom we express our desires.

As best we can, we should hang out with people of the same spiritual mindset. We may not be able to pick our family, but we can pick our lovers and friends. By picking the right kind of people to spend our time with; we will be better positioned to keep our “other” desires from competing with our desire for God.

When we allow otherwise “good” desires to become competing desires against our desire for God; we are the ones who lose out.