NOT Why I Write This Blog!

In our relationships with each other, we often express skepticism when someone tries to do something nice for us. We suspect they are up to something or they are trying to cover up some bad deed they’ve committed. “Oh these are lovely flowers. What sneaky act are you trying to make up for?” “You have what I need? Okay, what’s in it for you?” “Trust you, you say? Only as far as I can throw you!”

What are your thoughts about why I write this blog? Below are some of the reasons that do not apply to why I take the time to make entries onto this site:

• I am running for President of the US and I need your votes
• I am trying to win the coveted award of “Single Person Of The Year”
• I am trying to sell my books.
• I am trying to make a lot of money.
• I am trying to keep from being bored.
• I am trying to get in your business.
  
  

These are but a few of the reasons that have nothing to do with why I write in this blog. As you read this, take some time to ponder the relationships and interactions you have. Do you return a person’s gesture of kindness with doubt and suspicion? When a stranger in the grocery store says hello; do warning bells go off in your head or do you consider that it may be an opportunity to make a new friend? When someone asks about your welfare; do you give them a non-answer because you really don’t think they care? When someone shows a romantic interest in you; do you automatically assume that what they are looking for is just sex?

As best we can, let’s learn to trust God more and allow His spirit of discernment to guide us in how we react to what people say and do to us. Because of our negative view of relationships or due to how we have been hurt or abused in the past, we may have missed out on prospective romantic or platonic relationships that God was trying to send our way. This does not mean we force romance or friendships on every person that comes along. Rather, we should do a better job of hearing what God is saying about that person who is all up in our face. You never know; the next person you run into may have a blog he or she would like to share with you!

Who Broke My Phone?

Have you ever had one of those weekends or extended periods of time when the phone did not ring? Because of its silence, you check for a dial tone like a doctor checks for pulse. “Hello, is anybody out there!” It would seem like the answer to that question is “NO!” if the hush of the phone is any indication.

Well, that is how things have been going for me lately. Now before you start saying crazy things, read my blog from September 6, 2006 (“Your Choice”). http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2006/09/your-choice.html

Several months ago, I mentioned to a friend that I stopped turning my phone on. She asked why and my response was because no one called. Well it is several months since then and here I go again! Excuse me for a second; I just want to make sure that darn thing is not broken. Nope, it is still on and there is a dial tone. Yes, I do turn my phone on everyday now, but there are some days when I might as well have let that thing sleep.

If it were left up to me, I would rather that I be the one who is alone if it meant that YOU would not be. If there has to be someone who will never get to experience the joys of true love, it might as well be me if that also means that it will not be YOU who missed the blissfulness of matrimony. If only one of us is going to be walking around with a broken down phone that OBVIOUSLY cannot receive calls; then let that person be me. Read “Solitude Is Not For Everyone” http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2006/12/solitude-is-not-for-everyone.html

Why am I sharing this with you? Well, it is not so that you will feel sorry for me. And it is certainly not for you to dig into your bag of tired clichés that have no basis in reality. (If your comment is about me or my situation, then you have missed the point.) Rather, I want you to grow closer to God as you think about this posting. How? By knowing that I am praying for your happiness. By knowing that I am willing to help you achieve that happiness with all that is spiritually at my disposal. By allowing the fact that someone is genuinely concerned about what is best for you to uplift you and put a bounce in your steps. By finding humor in the fact that I am going to have to find another way to dial God’s number on your behalf because my phone OBVIOUSLY must be broken!

Was That The SON?

As I was watching television tonight, a bulletin warning of severe thunderstorms appeared on the bottom of the screen. Isn’t it funny how sometimes we view that scrolling message as a nuisance? What was meant as a warning to help prepare us we often treat as a bad thing. “Can’t you see I’m trying to watch a favorite show? Wait until a commercial before you interrupt my moment of leisure!”

Sad to say that sometimes we Christian singles treat the warnings that God sends our way as nuisances. “Lord, can’t you see I am trying to get closer to Mr. or Miss Look So Good and your intrusions are messing things up?” “Not now Lord, I will worry about what is good for me later!” “Lord, please wait until I get off the phone or the internet before you remind me of my spiritual obligations.”

Ignoring the thunderstorm warnings does not make them go away. It would not be wise to go strolling through the park when lightning advisories have been broadcast. Maybe we should do like our ancestors used to do and unplug everything and go somewhere and sit down. Maybe they were on to something!

Even when we act like God’s warnings don’t apply to us, we can still learn something while going through our storms of singleness. Yes, it may be raining cats and dogs (also known as loneliness and depression), but don’t forget the sun is still shining. Turn off all of those things that have been putting you through “stuff” and go somewhere and be still. Maybe God is trying to tell you something.

Wasn’t that the sun you saw not too long ago? Didn’t the weatherman forecast sunny days ahead? If tomorrow is going to be a bright sunshine day, then why are you so bummed out about a few raindrops today? Lift up your heads Christian singles, tomorrow we will be able to play in the park of God’s favor and blessings. Using the spiritual satellite that will allow you to look beyond the clouds darkening your skies; take note of the gentle breeze of grace, mercy and hope. Trouble don’t last always and joy is sure to come in the morning. Don’t fret, that feeling that everything will turn out alright; isn’t that because of the SON?

Last Week In Review Sunday 7/22/07

On Monday, I talked about how we are “too polite” with God. He asks us what we want and tend to give Him vague answers that do not reflect our true desires. On Wednesday, I cautioned us against “staring into God’s mouth”. It is rude and our mommas would be so disappointed! Also, we have to learn how to be straight with God and not hide behind false religious piety when it comes to how we feel about our singleness. On Thursday, I discussed how we sometimes let “singleness stuff” keep us from walking with Jesus. On Friday, the question was posed about the impact on all of our relationships of having Jesus walk with US. On Saturday, singles were encouraged to walk together to grow spiritually and to not grow weary in staying in the will of God.

Below are some comments I have responded to.

“I realize I have spent about half a century being concerned about this stuff. I am not married most likely will not be married…”SO I NEED TO GET OVER IT”.” Exactly what are you trying to “get over”? The desires that I believe God has placed in your heart? Good luck with that! Let me know how that turns out!!

“God is my all and all, I know what He has for me, He has for me…I know God will do what He said;” What God has for us IS for us, as long as we don’t mess things up. God never forces His blessings on us; we have to position ourselves to receive them.

“We hope and trust that God will answer that prayer. But all prayers are not meant to be answered. That mate that we are asking for may not be what God wants for us. And not at that time either.” Every sincere prayer we offer up to God is answered. Sometimes we either don’t like the answer or we don’t recognize the answer that God has given.

“Well, I don't think I want to go around expecting to meet Mr. Right any day. I try to live each day enjoying all that is laid before me. Yes there are lonely times but life goes on.” Not just waiting for our soul mate, but also expecting God’s favor to rain down on us TODAY. Today, it may be a new job and tomorrow it may be an unexpected phone call from a long lost friend and next week may be extra dollars in the bank account. It is the expectation that God is going to bless us that should get us out of the bed each morning. Included in this expectation is the possibility that Mr. or Miss Right will come into our lives. Why wouldn’t you want to live a life of blessed expectation?

“If Jesus doesn't walk with me, who will?” One possibility is the devil! Or maybe it will be someone who may have good intentions, but who is also not equipped to help you. That is why Jesus should walk with us FIRST.

“I am content with my singless [singleness] only because I have to be. Again I say, if I dwell on my state of being, I am taking too much time from Him.” You don’t have to be content with your singleness. In fact, I think we should not try to fool ourselves into being content with being single! Rather, let’s find our contentment and satisfaction in the “I AM” nature of God. Besides, it may be God’s will that we not be single, but we have not yet positioned ourselves to receive that blessing. Another point I want to make is that God is so big and vast, that we cannot take time from Him by desiring to have a mate. God is a jealous God, but not like that! (smile)

“If I keep singing that song, it just may make me stronger.” It is not the singing of the song that will make you stronger, but living by the true spirit behind the words. Part of the cause of the problems that many singles struggle with is because we know the words to the song, but we do not understand the SPIRIT behind the words.

“Wow, this is quite a confession or quite a judgment…I really don’t feel we as “Christians” period lie to ourselves intentional and we definitely are not “shucking and jiving” with God.” Who would admit that they are lying to themselves or “shucking and jiving” God? But I do think we try to walk somewhere between the right things to say and the real desires in our hearts. In other words, we say the “right” things, but we feel something entirely different. It is like we are trying to say what we THINK God wants to hear.

“I hear all that you are saying but not to sound bitter but if God has anointed you to be a helper I should not have to keep begging and reminding you I need your help, please throw me a life Jacket I am drowning. I just never get that feeling people really mean what they say…it sound good and correct as a Christian but deep down we hope no one takes us up on our offer.” When people offer their help, they may or may not be genuine. But we are no worse off when people are not really interested in helping us. However, the bigger problem is that although we recognize that we need help, we often fail to ask. Or sometimes we ask the wrong person. One reason why we sometimes do not ask for help is because it does put some responsibility on our shoulders. In those cases, we don’t really want help; we want someone to do everything while we do nothing.

“As a side note, I am trying to find another word for “singleness” because I think that word is so overrated and gets way too much attention at times…but I am sure you would not agree.” I encourage you to find a word that fits with your spiritual outlook. For me, I think I will spend less time trying to come up with an alternative word. Singleness, the word is fine with me as long as it incorporates the will of God in my life. As for me disagreeing with you, I believe that all of us learn more from our disagreements than from our points of agreement. That is why when comments are made that do not coincide with my views; I still print them in their entirety.

“Out of desperation, I felt I had to do something and perhaps God needed help finding me a mate. I had followed much of the advice posted in this blog. I even adventured to asking men out and emailing them trying to establish relationships period which left me drained and lacking…” You are to be commended; most Christian singles would never admit to acting out of desperation. But the truth of the matter is, most of us do from time to time. Following the lead of Jesus; He never seemed to panic or get flustered. (Maybe in the Garden of Gethsemane just before the Romans came to arrest Him.) I think what kept Him calm is His trust in God and His familiarity with God’s will. For singles, I think we will be less vulnerable to moments of desperation the more we learn to trust HIM and the more we learn about His will for our lives.

Walk Together Singles!

Walk together singles, don’t you get weary…..

What kind of impact can we have on the world if we allow Jesus to walk with us individually and collectively? God is leaning forward in His chair to see how we respond to that question.

Walking symbolizes movement from one point to another location. As long as we have breath, we will never reach our destination. We may hit mile markers along the way, but until we leave this side of the river, God will be keeping note of how we affect others. Our singleness journey should be dynamic in the sense that we are always growing and we are positioning others to undergo positive change. Let’s get out there and walk singles!

Walking together signifies the importance of relating and working with others. God does not expect us to implement His will in isolation. He puts people in our lives to aid us in putting His plans into action. Those people will come under different names – lovers, platonic friends, co-workers, family members, associates and others - but we have to allow the Holy Spirit to guide how we interact with them.

The world is too much in need of some good old fashioned blessings for us to get weary. Weariness occurs when we stop relying on God as the source of our strength, hope and vision. When we think we have this thing figured out and we can make our own way, we will get tired, frustrated and even confused. To the extent we stray from God’s plan for our lives is the extent to which we cannot make the world a better place. The world is bad enough already; now is not the time for single Christians to weary.

“Lord, grant us the discretion to know when we should call someone a romantic partner or a friend or a family member or co-worker or associate. Help us to not get to twisted over all of the STUFF that we face and empower us to use you as the source of our everything. Elevate us so we can humbly serve. Educate us so we can effectively teach. Love us so we can share true passion with a world in need of true love. Forgive us so we can introduce others to grace and mercy. Take us by the hand and teach us the true meaning behind the phrase, “Walk together singles”.

I Want US To Walk With Jesus

What is the quality of ALL of our relationships? How do we get along with our siblings, our co-workers, our prospective romantic mates, our platonic friends and our associates? I suspect that most of us desire better interactions than what we currently enjoy. Often we do focus on the quality of our romantic relationships, but it seems like ALL of our relationships fall short of our expectations.

Would ALL of our relationships be better if we allowed Jesus to walk with US?

At first the answer to that question may seem obvious, but what if we go deeper than being spiritually politically correct? We often throw around words like “contentment” and “satisfaction”, but I would suggest that the true emotion we are feeling is more akin to frustration. Perhaps we say we are content in our singleness because we are tired of being disappointed in not having found true love. Perhaps we claim that we are satisfied in our current situation because we are afraid of wanting more and better.

Would walking with Jesus help us NOT to connect our level of “contentment” and “satisfaction” to our singleness?

Some may say it is just word games, but I suggest that we should be happy (a form of contentment and satisfaction) just because. Not because we have found true love or not because we have found a way to accept being without a mate. Simply put, we should feel positive and uplifting emotions because Jesus is walking with US. (Stop! There are no buts or ifs; our level of contentment and satisfaction is not dependent upon the way we evaluate our romantic life! The “I AM” nature of God should be the source of our joy.)

When Jesus walks with US and not just individuals; our connection to Him helps elevate our connections to each other. In that sense, we should get along better with our siblings, our co-workers, our prospective mates, our platonic friends and our associates. As Christian singles, let’s live so that we introduce Jesus to others. (See “Introducing Jesus” http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2006/12/introducing-jesus.html) Even when others have not accepted Him as their personal savior, we can help take off some of the edges of their personalities which will increase the likelihood for better relationships. By adopting a spirit of Jesus walking with US, we position ourselves to truly experience “contentment” and “satisfaction”.

I Want Jesus To Walk With Me

While on this life’s journey of singleness, we all need someone to lean on from time to time. Sometimes, we don’t trust each other enough to ask for help. In our minds, we decide it is better to go it alone. We say we want Jesus to be the head of our lives, but we often kick and fight against His game plan.

I want Jesus to walk with me - Sounds like a plan to me and probably to you too.

But, somehow we have fallen short. Our actions and our thoughts suggest that it really is not about God’s will. Rather, if the truth be told, it is about our fear of being blessed or of not being enough or of not being ready or of not being accountable. For many of us, our singleness is characterized by accepting less than what God has to offer.

I want Jesus to walk with me - How long are we going to continue to lie to ourselves?

Lord, on the one hand I claim contentment in my singleness. But on the other hand, I bemoan the fact that I do not have a mate. On the one hand, I try to act like I don’t have the desire for true love. But on the other hand, I do and say things I have no business doing as a Christian single in the pursuit of romance. Jesus is there with me all the time, but I complain about the one (my soul mate) who is not present.

I want Jesus to walk with me - Can somebody change the words to that song?

Heavenly Father, today we come asking for forgiveness. We intended to become more spiritual, but we have let “singleness stuff” get in the way. We appreciate your company, but somehow, we have allowed those feelings of loneliness and depression and our moments of disbelief to distract us. We know it seems like we are just “shucking and jiving”; but we really don’t mind having you around. Help us to truly understand what being a Christian single really means so that we can stop singing a song we don’t believe and mouthing the words we don’t comprehend.

I want Jesus to walk with me - May those words be the anthem to our journey of singleness.

Staring Into God’s Mouth

Didn’t your momma tell you it was impolite to stare into someone’s mouth while they were eating? Somehow, us Christian singles have acted as if that only applied to other people, but not to God. But how, you ask, can we stare into the mouth of the Almighty? Some (but not all) examples are:

• Praying for one thing while really wanting something else
• Asking Him for one thing, but not be willing to prepare ourselves for the very thing we ask for
• Trying to act like we don’t want something when in fact we deeply desire it
  
  

On our singleness journey, let’s stop lying to ourselves. Let’s stop hiding behind the façade of piety because we are afraid of never being able to experience passion. Let’s stop trying to manipulate God into giving us what we really want but are too “POLITE” to really ask for it.

If we are truly children of God, we should embrace our desires and not deny them because we should understand that God is their source. Desiring a mate or wanting genuine friends or longing for wealth or good health or business success should help us to get up in the morning with a new bounce in our steps. We should approach each day with anticipation that today is the day that God is going to grant us those things we have been asking Him for. The prospect of finding true love or meeting a new platonic friend or getting that new job or buying that new house or recovering from ill health should propel us to become more like what God has envisioned for us. If we truly trust God, then we cannot wait to see how He is going to bless us today!

So, let’s not be rude. Momma would be so disappointed if she saw what were doing. “Oh where did I go wrong?” she would moan if indeed she found out we were staring into the mouth of God!

Being Too Polite

Tell me if you have ever seen this before. Someone asks a person if they would like something to drink. The other person responds with a “No, thank you”. But what this person is really thinking is that he or she really would like what is being offered and they hope the person will insist. After the third or fourth offer, this person finally says yes. This is an example of someone being too polite. They knew they wanted the drink, but they “politely” refused hoping the person would ask again and again.

Why do people do that? Why not say yes the first time instead of waiting until the third or fourth time something is offered? Several possible reasons are: 1. They don’t want to appear too eager to accept the drink. 2. They don’t want to look bad by accepting the drink. 3. They are operating under some unwritten rule that says you do not accept something the first time it is offered. 4. They don’t want to be disappointed.

How often have we Christian singles been too polite with God? When He asks how we would like to bless Him, we say cliché-type things like:

• I’d rather be a door keeper in Heaven than …..
• I just want to be content wherever I am
• I don’t need a man or woman to make me happy
• And the list goes on
  
  

As we are saying those things, we are secretly hoping that God will insist on blessing us with those things we REALLY want but we are being too POLITE to mention. Let’ stop fooling ourselves! When God asks us what we want, let’s be honest and tell Him.

• Lord, I want a mate
• I don’t want to be single the rest of my life
• I want to make more money
• I want people to like me
• I want more genuine friends
• I am tired of living from paycheck to paycheck
• I need a new car
• And there is so much more
  
  

What is it that you want God to bless you with? There is absolutely positively nothing wrong with being specific with Him. Instead, we hope He will weed through our pious, but empty prayers and figure out what is on our wish lists. When we come to God with our wishy-washy desires, we take ourselves out of position to be blessed in abundance.

Wishy-washy spirituality does not help you and it makes it even more difficult for you to help others. There is too much “STUFF” going on out in the world for Christian singles to be wimpy prayer warriors. If we can’t be clear with God on what we want, how can we effectively intercede on the behalf of others? Let’s stop hoping God will read our minds and bless us in spite of our vague and distracted prayers. God is asking us how we want to be favored by Him. Now is not the time to be TOO POLITE.

Tomorrow's Post - Staring Into God's Mouth

Last Week In Review Sunday 7/15/07

On Tuesday, I talked about how we sometimes treat God like He is the bad music in a horror movie. Rather than viewing Him as the stern taskmaster that keeps us from enjoying life, we should understand that God can be the source of genuine joy. On Thursday, I discussed that sometimes we allow the wrong kind of “stuff” on our brains as Christian singles. On Saturday, the emphasis was on striving to put God in our details instead of the devil.

Below are some comments I have responded to.

“I know what the bible says “it is not good for man to be alone” but it is also not good for man to worry about this type “stuff” either and I am sure you will agree when we worry and get depress about this "STUFF" we are out of relationship with God” No, actually I don’t agree. I would prefer that people not “worry” about finding a mate, but the reality is that most of us do worry. But we need to be clear that this worrying will not place us outside of a relationship with God. It’s like our parents don’t disown us when we pay more heed to our peers than we do to their advice. They may be disappointed in us, but they still love us and they see us as their children. The same is also true of God.

“I simply am getting to the point I really don’t care what people think of me because Christ suffered through this "STUFF" and He is far greater than I.” Let’s be careful here. I am convinced that God does not want us to get to the point that we do not care what others think of us. As long as we are living, we have to co-exist, work, play and interact with others. So, on one level, it should matter what others think of us. I don’t understand the connection you are making between “Christ suffering through this “STUFF” and the fact that “He is far greater than I.” One could argue that one of the reasons for Christ’s suffering on the cross was to help us in our relationships with each other. It is not productive to building relationships to not care what others think. I think your true meaning is that we should not sacrifice our spirituality (relationship with God) because of an overwhelming concern for how others view us.

“So bottom line Mr. Writer, no matter what you write with your swift pin [PEN} and your keen mind my prayers will be, Lord let me find contentment in my present situation even if it means being alone and single for the rest of my life…” What is God’s will for your life? Suppose His will is that you not be single? Would you then be going against His will if you resolve to be content in your current state of singleness? As I look at my life, I have to resist the urge to elevate my wants over the will of God. This may not apply to you, but often when singles say they want to find contentment in their singleness, they are giving up so they will no longer feel frustrated or disappointed. True contentment comes from going with the flow of God’s will and not operating against it.

“Is it so wrong to want to be “SAVED, SINGLE AND SATISIFIED" in christ?” Again, what is God’s will? Not what is my will, but what does God want for me? Our spirituality should be about more than clichés and cute sayings. The desire for a mate is strong in most of us and God placed that desire in most of us. So, is it so wrong to want for ourselves what God wants for us? The key is to discern His will and not put words in His mouth.

“Great write but, if you have a receipt [RECIPE] for keeping the “devil out of our stuff” please share, give it to us.” No recipes, but consider the following: The devil and God have one thing in common. Neither will force us to do anything. The devil has an advantage over God in the fact that what he is trying to get us to do; we WANT to do. (Most pious Christians will disagree with that statement!!) Keeping the devil out of our “stuff” is learning to like what God likes. When we can begin to view God as the provider of more “yes’" than “no’s”, then we will find it easier to stomp out the devil. This lead us to two questions we as individuals have to answer: 1. What is God’s will? 2. What kind of relationship do I have with God?

Who Is In The Details?

It’s one thing to voice a grand proclamation; but it’s another to fully understand its implications. When a politician says that he or she is going to “save Social Security”, we all applaud. But when we find out their approach to this solution is to raise taxes, we say the benefit of saving social security is not worth the pain of higher taxes. In this case, the “devil was in the details”. This means that once we learned of the actual course of action that is being planned, we determine that we do not want the perceived benefit enough.

Singleness is full of “devil in the details” traps. We say that we can be bad all by ourselves. The detail behind that saying is we are not open to new relationships nor are we willing to work through any problems in our current relationships. Whenever the end result is destroyed or still-birthed relationships, the devil is in the details. However, if “being bad all by ourselves” means that we treasure the positive relationships we do have or that we use the time of solitude to grow closer to God AND to improve ourselves, then God is in the details.

There are so many more examples to use that it would do an injustice to list just a few. But, the key point is that Christian singles should do a better job of making sure it is God and not the devil that is in our details. We all experience loneliness, a sense of solitude, a longing for true love and even a desire for physical intimacy from time to time. But what do we do when those feelings occur? The devil will try to lead us away from the blessings God has for us and if he succeeds, then we will experience pain, frustration, bitterness and even guilt. This is true even if we have fleeting and temporary moments of happiness. If, on the other hand, the joy that comes from putting God in the details is more enduring. The path of spiritual inspiration will allow us to experience joy, satisfaction, PERFECT peace and a sense of being revitalized.

We have been trained to say all of the right “STUFF”. But, when we get below the surface, we find that the devil is all up in the mix. Whenever we look around and we see a string of broken relationships, unfulfilled promises of true love and seemingly countless nights of loneliness, somehow, someway we have strayed off the path God has for us. It is my prayer that in addition to saying the right things, that we will “stomp the devil” and invite God to become manifest in the details of our everyday decisions and actions.

Stuff On The Brain!!

Life is not fair, but somehow many Christian singles feel that it should be. But it ain’t! Yet we persist in whining about how life is dealing a bad hand. Who fed us all this STUFF that led us to believe that trouble should never come our way?

Just another day of singleness with STUFF on the brain.

No significant other in my life. But, the problem is not me. It is because all the good ones are gone or they are not smart enough, cute enough, mentally stable enough or spiritual enough. “Woe is me” we cry because we are wandering in our garden of Eden that seems more like a wilderness. I SHOULD have someone to love me and the fact that I don’t only means that the whole world must be screwed up.

Again, just another day of singleness with STUFF on the brain.

My job stinks and my paycheck is a joke. My friends are shaky and my car always acting up. My bank account is dying of starvation and refrigerator is considering charging me with negligence. Truly this is not the way it is supposed to be.

I can’t believe it, but here again I am having another day of singleness with STUFF on the brain.

Lord, you know I try to do right. But even when I try to stay focused on you, things happen to get me distracted. Sexual temptation, is that you again? Loneliness and depression and feelings of isolation; who invited you in? There goes that co-worker playing fiddle on my last nerve. Y’all make a single Christian want to go off!

Here I go again with having to face another day with STUFF on the brain.

Wow! God’s keeping power is some powerful stuff! I haven’t slept with every Mr. or Miss Look So Good that has looked my way. I did not succumb to the strong urge to seek revenge or blow someone away. Thank God that He kept me in perfect peace. I still manage to find reason to laugh every now and then. I am still able to enjoy the beauty that God has placed all around me. You know; I may just discard that negative STUFF that has been grabbing most of my attention. Keeping my mind on HIM, now that is the kind of STUFF that should be on my brain!

Uh-Uh, Don’t Do That!

You ever get the feeling that someone is watching you or following your every move? Isn’t it kind of creepy to suspect that someone is paying you unwanted attention? At times like these, you can hear the scary music in the background getting progressively louder. The eerie music is telling you to not go in that dark room or open that door or talk to that stranger.

Unfortunately, that nervous feeling is how many of us Christian singles feel about God. We are reluctant to join the singles ministry or read that book on singleness or attend that singles conference or visit that singleness blog because of what we fear we will have to give up. Who among us wants to hear another “Uh-Uh, Don’t do that!?”. Thus we only half-heartedly listen to the sermon or study the bible or fellowship with other Christian singles because we don’t want to stop the “stuff” we are doing that we know we have no business doing.

Has it come to this? Viewing God as that being that is watching or following us or paying unwanted attention to us? Somehow, we have created a misguided world where God is the stern taskmaster keeping us from having fun. Whenever we think of Him, that eerie music starts to play in the background telling us to stop wanting to find true love or don’t go for that job promotion or don’t open your heart to new friendships or don’t even think about opening up that new business. In a morbid and sad way God is the head of our lives only because we say He is the reason why we haven’t done those things we dreamed of doing.

Snap! Snap! Snap! (That’s me snapping my fingers trying to wake you up!!) I don’t know who fed you all of that “stuff”, but God is not an “Uh-Uh” God. Starting with the Garden of Eden, He only put one tree on the forbidden list (two if you count the tree of life.) So, Adam still had the apple, the pomegranate, the cherry and whatever other trees that existed then. Like Adam, God has given us so much freedom to enjoy the good things in life, that it is kind of foolish to focus on those things that we THINK He is trying to keep us away from.

In our singleness, we should recognize that God says “Yes” many more times than He says “No”. So, stop feeling all creepy and stuff when you think of Him. Trust me, He is not as bad as you think He is. In fact, God is great and He is good. The music that accompanies His works is one of joy and peace, not fear. God is not a villain in our bad movies. Rather, He is the Hero, the Knight in shining armor and the One who rides in and saves the day. Wake up and recognize the true God and concerning that bad habit of making Him out to be the bad guy; “Uh-Uh, Don’t Do That!”

Last Week In Review Sunday 7/08/07

On Monday, I talked about the true meaning of being spiritual and that it is not otherworldly mystical reality. On Tuesday, I discussed how our spirituality comes into play when we encounter “wet floors” in our lives. On Wednesday, the theme was “stuff like that” and how “stuff” can either weaken or strengthen our spirituality. On Saturday, I tried to remind us to keep the main thing the MAIN Thing. Because of what happened at the cross, we do not have to let the “stuff” in our lives keep us from realizing God’s expectations.

Below are some comments I have responded to.

“The last several months I have been praying for God to fill me till I want no more; I hate to admit my thoughts and burden others with my loneliness and short comings.” It is very rare that God requires us to deal with our “stuff” alone. He gave us the desire to belong to a larger whole; a romantic relationship, a family, a work environment, a social club, platonic friendships, etc. It is us up to us to discern how those “larger wholes” can help us in our times of need.

“The only way I am able to be rooted and grounded in my spirituality as you call it is through and in the word of God…other wise I am sure I am not capable of doing the right thing and responding from the heart…” I hear your point, but let me humbly suggest that you indeed are CAPABLE of doing the right things. That is how God has made you (and everyone else), but we let “stuff” trick us into thinking that doing ungodly things is more natural.

“I certainly would love to hear more on this subject of "Oh! That is Spiritual" instead of what spiritual is not.” Isn’t it strange we often find it easier to say what something is not rather than what it is? Being spiritual IS a reflection of the quality of our relationship to God and it is most evident when confronted with ungodly thoughts or actions. For example, our spirituality is not affirmed by our attendance at church or reading the bible or singing in the choir. Rather, it is accurately measured when we are faced with sexual temptation or seriously considering retaliating against someone or struggling with loneliness and depression.

“Is it at all possible to hinder or ignore this help God is sending to us Christians…by crossing the line in our relationships?” Who draws the lines in our relationships? If we cross man-made lines, what is the risk? However, if we cross the lines that God has drawn, then perhaps there are bigger problems and dangers we are facing. For example, God may have placed someone in our lives to be our “buddy”, but we have made them our lover. Or this person was meant to be our soul mate, but we only reached a friendship level. In both instances, we lose out on God’s favor.

“It seems my journey is to go alone but, is it myself that is causing the loneliness?” One thing many singles struggle with is truly discerning God’s will concerning their social and romantic lives. We wonder if we will ever find true love or if we will ever have truly good friends? Discerning God’s will is more of an art than a science. By that I mean there are not firm formulas. All I can say is to develop as close a relationship to God as possible and that will position you to truly hear what He is trying to tell you. Extended periods of loneliness are the result of an unclear understanding of God’s specific will

“It's good to see that you are back. Next time you need a break either physically or mentally, just let the people know. Okay?” I need a break more times than you may realize!! While a lot of my time and energies are spent on trying to help other singles, I have to trust that God will attend to my needs It is my intention that whatever I do is not directed at anyone, but is consistent with my understanding of God’s will for me at that time. Thus, whatever I do whenever I do, trust God to provide you what you need.

“For you are correct Mr. Writer, everyone else has gone on about their business and they are too busy to notice what someone else is dealing with…but certainly not too busy to notice the games we play with one another; how attractive or unattractive someone else is; how fat or skinny an individual is; a bad hair day; if you are torn-up from the floor-up and someone’s mishaps or “stuff” but I challenge you with the question is that the way God truly intended for it to be?” At the risk of sounding sacrilegious, I think you are giving God too much credit here. Now before you try to drown me in holy waters, let me explain. God has given us free will and it is up to us to make the right choices. But, we also have the option of making the wrong choices. God’s intention is that we get along and that we inspire and support each other. Unfortunately, we sometimes choose to tear down instead of build up.

“As we look back in bible times, God was always amongst the unbelievers, simply looking for opportunities to bless, to heal, to restore; to help; to feed the hungrier” Not sure what you mean here. In the bible times you refer to, are you referring to the old testament or the new testament or both? One could make an argument that God tried different “approaches” with mankind. The short version would be “the law” (old testament)” and “grace” (new testament). One thing that is consistent throughout both testaments is that God used people to bless, heal, restore, help and feed. I would suggest that is the larger point to be made.

“So we have to be careful when we use the term being there for each other. Cause as women, we get "emotional". I know I do and I look deeper into things than I really need to. Just cause you are here to help does not mean you are to be my romantic interest.” You may be on to something with the comment about women being “emotional”. But, from your experience as a woman, do you feel your emotions help or hinder your spirituality? Do you think men’s emotions have the same spiritual impact?

At The Cross

Sometimes we get mixed up with all the STUFF that goes on in our lives that we lose sight of The MAIN THING. (See “Keeping The Main Thing The MAIN Thing” on March 20, 2007 http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/03/keeping-main-thing-main-thing.html). “Stuff” like “I don’t have a mate” or “He hurt my feelings” or “She did me wrong” or “I don’t like the job I have” or “I despise the house I live in” or “Something must be wrong with me that I cannot find true love” or whatever occupies our thoughts. I wonder if Jesus is looking at all of this STUFF and bemoaning the fact that we are missing the point of His ultimate sacrifice. Can Christian singles lead the way out of this epidemic of mass distraction?

At the cross where I first saw the light - Because of what happened at the cross:

• We have hope that we can become more like what God has envisioned for us to be
• We are in a better position to help others be their best
• We have a living example of God’s love in motion. The love He demonstrated during creation was fully on display through the suffering of His son
• We are situated in a better way to have our relationship to God restored because we don’t have to hang our hopes on following the law. Rather, we can count on the power of God’s GRACE and MERCY.
  
  

Singles are not the only ones who allow STUFF to obscure the impact of what happened at the cross. But why not take the lead in honoring the divine purpose of what the cross represents? In our relationships (romantic, platonic or family or associates), we can affirm the HOPE, maximize the POTENTIAL, express the LOVE and uplift the RELATIONSHIPS that God intends for us. Jesus made all of this all the more possible at the cross; it’s up to us to make all of this a living reality.

Stuff Like That!

Hey, stuff happens. If you live long enough, you will have to go through mess. Our journey of singleness will have its share of all kinds of stuff. Moments of broken-hearted pain, periods of anxiety, bouts of depression and times of anger. We try to be strong, but we are only fooling ourselves. Everybody else is too busy dealing with their own stuff that they don’t have time to notice how well you have constructed your façade of strength. So stop wasting your time with doing stuff like that!

Today may be your day to cry or shake your fist at God or ponder just giving up and giving in. That’s okay; God and those people He sends will help you work your way past that slippery wet floor. Tomorrow may be your time to be strong, so go ahead and shed those tears or express your frustrations or ask your questions or voice your doubts today. Being spiritual is not letting your moments of weakness get the best of you. So, be weak today if you must, just don’t fall all the way down because of stuff like that!

Oh no she didn’t! Why did he treat you that way? It always seems the ones we love and trust the most are the ones who hurt us deeply. But is that really true? God should be the one we love and trust the most and He has never let us down. With God as that shoulder to cry on or that voice of spiritual reason to rely on, surely we can withstand the mean things people say or do to us. So keep your head up and don’t stay down when you get knocked down when people do stuff like that!

Your situation may be slightly different from mine. What hurts me may not have the same effect on you. But, we all hurt from time to time. As Christian singles, we need to be there for each other so the hurt will not be as painful and the sadness will not linger. Every now and then, we could use a gentle pat on the back for encouragement or a soft voice reminding us that everything will be okay. Oh what blessedness and oh what joy divine we can experience on our journey of singleness if we all could uplift each other with stuff like that!

Watch Out! The Floor Is Wet!

Sometimes, you can be bopping along, minding your own business. You are not bothering anybody and you are trying to do the right thing. But before you know what happens, your foot slips and you go crashing down to the floor. Nobody told you the floor was wet!! Or did they and you did not listen?

In a perfect world, the “floors” in our lives would never get wet. But that is not realistic. Things get spilled on the floors or our floors need to be cleaned from time to time. In a not-so-perfect world, it would be nice if someone warned us when our floor is wet or put out one of those yellow warning signs. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all need others to help keep us from slipping.

Being spiritual is not about avoiding wet floors. Rather, being spiritual is learning how to adjust our walk when we know the floor is wet. God is not susceptible to slipping on wet floors, but He knows that we are. He doesn’t throw us away when we stumble, but He does warn us or sends others to warn us when we are getting ready to enter into “Watch Out for the Wet Floor” territory.

Not only is being spiritual knowing how to walk on wet floors without slipping, it is also about helping others do the same. Sometimes, we have to allow others to prop us up while we lend the same support to them. There is nothing wrong with both of us leaning on each other as we navigate the wet floors in our lives.

In case no one has told you or you have forgotten; let me remind you to be careful where you step. You are bound to encounter a slippery spot every now and then. You don’t have to necessarily alter your path; you just may need to slow down or change your shoes or pay more attention. If you listen carefully, you will hear God whispering in your ear or you will notice that someone that He has sent is pointing out a potential area of danger.

Take heed and your journey of singleness will not only be bearable, it will be blessed. Don’t try to go it alone and whatever you do, don’t ignore the next time someone tries to warn you: Watch out, the floor is wet!

Oh! THAT Is Spiritual!

Each of us has to go through some “stuff” every now and then. And, if we are honest, we do not always respond to “stuff” in a manner that is consistent with our calling as children of God. Part of the problem that leads to inappropriate reactions is the fact that we do not fully understand what being spiritual means.

Spirituality does not mean we wear a dusty sheet as our clothing and we eat bugs and twigs for lunch while quoting scripture 24 hours a day. In fact, let me emphasize that the above is not spiritual, it is insanity!!

The quality of our relationship with God is a simple and easy to understand definition of what spirituality means. It is expressed with each thought, action and feeling.

• What goes through your mind when a photo of that scantily clad (and oh so sexy) person comes to your attention?
• How do you react when you find out that your supposed good friend has been talking negatively about you behind your back?
• How strong is your resistance to those instances when lustful thoughts invade your brain and sexual temptation gives you that “come hither” look?
• What emotion do you feel when you prepare to begin your morning prayer?
• What conclusions do you draw about yourself when you feel yourself descending into another episode of depression and loneliness and you long for someone special in your life?
  
  

Stop looking for spiritual stuff in dusty old bibles that you read only once in a while. You are not going to find it stuck under some pew like a piece of chewed up gum. And most certainly, you will not locate it behind the façade of hypocritical piety that we put on display when we think others are looking. Rather, our spirituality comes squarely in to view when we are tempted to “slap the fool out of someone” or when we determine it is time to give someone a piece of our mind or even when we conclude that it is time to lay our religion down. The quality of our relationship to God is made all the more visible when we respond to the seductive allure of sexual temptation or when the opportunity arises to get revenge on someone who has done us wrong.

We Christian singles must realize that we do not have to reside in a secluded mountaintop cabin nor eat strange stuff nor speak in tongues to be spiritual. Rather, our spirituality is affirmed in the quality of our relationships with each other. At the very moment when God is the farthest notion from our minds; our spirituality is still close as the noses on our faces. Here you were thinking that you had to have on your “Sunday go to Church” persona to demonstrate how spiritual you are! You mean that even at my worst, my spirituality is on display? Oh! THAT is spiritual!

This Week In Review Saturday 6/30/07

On Sunday, I talked about how we often spend more time thinking about what others can do for us which is contrary to the spiritual notion of spending more time focusing on what we can do for others. When we make our singleness all about me and rarely about them, we are full fledged members of the Spiritual Jive Talkers Club. On Monday, I suggested that single Christians should get out of the habit of only doing the least and expecting the least. Praying is something we should constantly do for others, but it is not ALL that we should do for others. On Tuesday, the habit of lowering our expectations to avoid being hurt or disappointed was discussed. For many of us, it is not that we do not have others willing to help us; rather, we have allowed our low self-esteem and our fears to refuse their help. We hide behind weak excuses about why that person or this person is not being helpful, but the truth of the matter is we often have pushed them away. So from a spiritual perspective, the least we can do to allow others to help us is to be open to the support of others. On Thursday, this post essentially was about a warning of what happens when we choose to operate in the land of least. When we do no more than the least for others and when we only allow others to do the least for us, we block our own blessings. Yes, we complain about it when we end up LAST, but many of us refuse to see that it is our stubborn attachment to the LEAST way of thinking that is cause.

Below are some comments I have responded to.

“I must be about my father business at all times and as for me, I was never created to just be married, or just go to school; I was created to worship Him...And all those other things are “icing on the cake” or in addition too and rather we want to face it or not, all this other stuff is temporary we must focus on that which is eternal.” Is God playing a cruel joke on us or what? I believe the desire for a mate, a new house, continued education, etc are instilled in us from Him. I do not think that God wants to only think about things that are “eternal” and not dwell on the other stuff. True we must keep our priorities in place, but I think it is futile to go around trying to ONLY be spiritual when we live in a physical world. God placed us in this physical world and He wants us to experience life to the fullest physically and spiritually.

“If we truly believe God is my all and all and He is indeed in control then we will look for ways and opportunities to be a good steward for Christ…We will serve Him in every way possible.” The best way to serve Christ is to serve others. The best way to be a good steward for Him is to help others be a good steward. That is why we should focus more on helping others than on helping ourselves. That is also why we should go beyond doing the least and accepting the least.

“What happens when others have accepted your extended hand of God but you feel you need to take a hiatus? What if we open that door and open our heart to allow Kevin in rather it is a coach, a prayer warrior, a friend, a mate or simply ask you to stand in the gap?” Excellent questions! There is probably a lot I can say, but here is the short answer. Whenever we try to do good in our lives, God will place people to help us. I encourage you to not focus on who CANNOT help you, but on those who CAN. Believe in God’s abundance, not in man’s weaknesses.

“Please do not think ill of me BUT you’re absent really hit me “WRONG” it made me feel as though I was not good enough, educated enough or not enough of something; or perhaps I said or did something to offend you and so you just threw me away…I realize these were my problems and insecurities which I will not allow that to happen again, call it “jive talking spirituality” or whatever…so be it.” It is my hope that you will come to view yourself as the wonderful child of God that you are. If you can come to that realization, you will see that you indeed are good enough, educated enough and enough of everything. Also, with this realization, you will see that actions of others that have nothing to do with you are not a judgment of you. Don’t allow what other people do to shake your status as the person due to inherit the many wonderful gifts God has for you.

“certainly you deserve a hiatus but you did not think enough of most of us to tell us but you have the nerve to blog, “I am back, did you miss me and I want to help”...come on what is this really all about?” Rejoice in the fact that I am back! If your spiritual discernment says that I am not the one to help, then praise Him for His will being made evident in your life. My “hiatus” was not about anyone, so no one should let it negatively affect their journey of Christian singleness. What “this” is all about is all of us growing closer to God.

“Thank you for allowing me to vent and keep in mind others are offering to help such as Creflo Dollar, Joyce Myers, T.D. Jakes and the list goes on, through their books and TV ministries, what makes your offer so different?..The favor of God is upon them a well and so now “I AM FINISH”!” You are blessed that you have so many people willing to help. Why focus on one person you feel is not able to do so? Count your blessings. Stop and look around you; God has some great things in store for you. Whoever God places in your life to help, focus on that person and not on anyone who is not able to help.

“Yes, you may feel prayer is simply the least you can do as a Christian single…I may feel for me it is the very best you can do” The question you should consider asking of yourself is why do you feel that someone else’s help should be limited to ONLY praying for you? God puts people in our lives to help; most of us are in no position to tell God how to do His job better.

“I feel these are opportunities which only God gives and are led by the Holy Spirit.” In more cases than not, God will deliver His blessings through other people. We cannot demand that God only bless us through this specific person or not through that specific person. No doubt that God is going to bless you, but we cannot dictate to Him whom He uses.

“So if you really have a desire to help others just be patient if it is meant to be and you are doing God’s will just wait; wait I say; wait on the Lord…” Interesting mixing of scripture in your comment! When we “wait on the Lord”, it is with expectation of His actions toward us. If God gives me the capacity and the desire to help YOU, it would seem that the only blockage is YOUR willingness to accept my help. If God is not going to force you to accept His blessings; neither am I!! As the person offering the help, I do not need to be patient. Rather, the person needing the help needs to discern whether the help I am offering is of God or not. That spirit of discernment comes from “waiting on the Lord.”