I’m Right Here!

We all have seen episodes in the movies or on tv where people are talking about someone and that someone jumps in the conversation with “Excuse me, I’m right here”. It is as if they are suggesting that people should not be talking ABOUT them, but TO them.

As Christian singles, how often do we adopt an ABOUT them perspective instead of a TO them when it comes to how we relate to others? Just for the sake of clarity, let me briefly describe both views:

• ABOUT Them View - This occurs when the connection between two people is on the surface only. The other person is just a character in your play, but their role is really inconsequential to you. You can talk ABOUT them because in your opinion, only your view is important. There is little or no consideration about this other person’s hopes, dreams, fears, needs or desires.

• TO Them View - This occurs when there is a deeper connection between two people. Not only is the other person a significant player in your play, but their role is important. You can talk TO them because your opinion is that you cannot be all you can be unless you help them to be all they can be. In this spirit, you are as concerned about their hopes, dreams, fears, needs and desires as you are about your own.

It is easy for us to fall into the ABOUT them view over the To them view. We know in our minds that we should be more considerate of others, but that head knowledge is not always evident in our hearts. There are many examples of how or when this occurs, but suppose someone “steals” your parking spot in the Wal-Mart parking lot. If you are not careful, you may slip into an ABOUT them mode instead of the TO them mode. Other examples where this can occur are: your boyfriend cheats on you or you don’t understand why someone did not take that new job that was offered or your mom does not approve of your friends or your girlfriend did not call you last night like she promised. There are innumerable other examples, but hopefully you get the point that the ABOUT mode can occur at any time of the day in our lives.

Some of you might be saying that the problem with some of these examples is that the “other” person is not someone close to you or they are strangers. But if we remember that we all are children of God, we should express Godly love to everyone regardless of how well we know them. This kind of love is typical of a TO them view.

It is my hope that single Christians in particular will grow in their capacity to see that the other person they are encountering is a bundle of vulnerabilities, expectations, faults and virtues just like you. We all should remember that most of us are more alike than we are different and even when we don’t like or understand a person’s actions or decisions, there is often a very thin line that separates us from doing the same things or making the same types of choices. The bottom line is this: in order for us to have better relationships of all kinds (romantic, platonic, family and associates as well as with “strangers”), we have to keep reminding ourselves that those people we are talking ABOUT are “in the room” with us!