Just Win, Baby!

As many of you know, Oprah Winfrey has opened up a girl’s school in South Africa. During an interview on CNN about her efforts, she used the phrase, Competing for the common good. Of all that she said, that phrase caught my attention. Why? That phrase touched me because in our relationships, we often compete to win. Winning in this case usually means “I win” and “You lose”. Sadly, many of relationships are characterized by silly power struggles.

• Don’t be the first to call, let the other person give in first.
• Don’t apologize until after the other person does.
• Never let the other person get the last word in.
• Don’t give in because the other person will view you as weak.
• Wait to express your feelings until after the other person does so.
• Do not let the other person know that you like them because they may take advantage.
  
  

When we give in to these silly power plays, who wins? Nobody!!

What would happen if we all started competing for the common good? In our relationships, let's try to outdo each other in the good we do. Instead of me dominating you or you beating me, let’s see who can reach or positively influence or motivate or empower more people. Let’s allow our relationships to be characterized by the numbers of people who are uplifted by our efforts.

When people speak of us, let not the first thing that comes out of their mouths be about our singleness. Rather, let it be about the people whose lives we have changed for the better.

When we speak about each other, let it not be about how I blew your mind or how you benefited at my expense. Our relationships, platonic or romantic, should not rest on who won the latest argument or who got the “goods” (our hearts, our time, our emotions or our bodies) without having to give anything in return. It is not about being the best kisser or the best talker or being smarter or being sexier or being more cunning.

At times, we have wondered or gossiped about Oprah and her relationship with Steadman. Why aren’t they married? Will they get married? Are they still dating? But, Oprah is more than just a single person and her romantic relationship status. By the same token, we Christian singles are more than that as well. Besides, the reason why many of us do not have more success in our romantic endeavors is due to our stupid drive to compete against each other.

This year, let’s focus more on competing for the common good and less on beating each other at games where nobody wins. God wants us to do better at relating to each other and a major outcome of our relationships should be making the world a better place. It is time we focus on what is our spiritual calling and let go of our worthless needs to claim empty victories. Let’s define winning as the betterment of all people and in that spirit, let us compete for the common good. When we do that, we will have a worthy goal to shoot for and that is to JUST WIN BABY!

THE Miracle of God

When we stop to really think about God, we cannot help but recognize that He is awesome and full of miraculous power. He is the creator of all that we see. In creation, He was able to make sense out of chaos. Where we might have looked around and detected a mess, God was able to envision a universe. Who else but God could take extreme opposites like light and darkness, the concepts of up and down, east/west and north/south, all of which existed in a timeless void and come up with order, time and space? No one else but God!

What about the miraculous displays of His power and wisdom in our lives? We do not do the things we used to do. Those things we could not resist nor handle no longer have their hold on us. Those nasty words we spoke we no longer allow to pollute our mouths. Where we used to act as if God was the furthest thing from our minds, we now recognize that we cannot live without Him. There were illnesses we could not shake, emotional depressions we could not climb out of, bad relationships we could not get out of our system, financial obligations we could not pay and broken hearts that we thought would destroy us. But thank God, He worked miracles in our lives!

But what is THE miracle of God? As we ponder Him, it is no wonder that we are drawn to Him. He is a creator, a protector, a rock in a weary land, a lover of our souls, a healer, a keeper and so much more. Of course we will worship God! He is worthy of every ounce of praise we can muster. Only a fool would not honor such an awesome being!

It is a spiritual no-brainer that we serve and honor God. It only makes sense to do so, even though so many miss what is so obvious to us. To me, THE miracle of God is that He even bothers with us. Who are we that He should even be mindful of us? We can’t enhance Him. We can’t give Him something that He doesn’t already own. We have no political connections or network affiliations that would benefit Him. It is inexplicable that He has chosen to love us anyway without condition.

Given THE miracle of God’s choice to put up with us, how ironic is it that we choose to not nurture our relationships with each other? How many potential interactions have we destroyed because the person was not pretty enough, not politically powerful enough, not slick enough, not rich enough, not strong enough or not enough enough? God chose to put His ego to the side, yet we have allowed our pride to shatter our connections to each other. While God chose love as His mode of connection to us instead of fear or intimidation or domination, so many of us have allowed our fears to ruin our links with each other. For many of us, instead of truly loving each other, we have desperately sought to dominate or intimidate others into relating to us.

Bottom line - God granted us THE miracle of His willingness to bond to us, but we have denied that same miracle in our platonic, family and romantic relationships.

In 2007, I pray that THE miracle God has given us will be repeated in our relationships with each other.

My New Years Resolution For 2006

At the beginning of 2006, I made the resolution to use technology to better connect with people. My intention was to use the internet, emails, the telephone, text messages and whatever else I could think of to establish and maintain more solid relationships. To fulfill this resolution, I sent one-to-one emails (not group or junk emails), text messages, made phone calls, sent personal e-card greetings to people on their birthdays, emailed holiday greetings (Memorial Day, July 4th, Thanksgiving and Christmas) to everyone in my contact list, etc.

So how did I do or more specifically, did I succeed in establishing and maintaining more solid relationships in 2006? If I had to grade myself on my 2006 resolution, I would give myself a D minus. Why so low? Because I was not able to achieve the kinds of improved or deeper relationships I was seeking. One thing I learned about people in general is that most people are not willing to go beyond the surface in their relationships with others. It seems we are all content to have acquaintances, but not real deep friends. I cannot tell you the amount of unreturned phone calls, un-answered emails, dangling text messages and lack of signs of appreciation for e-card birthday greetings I have experienced in 2006. For the most part, the same people who wished me happy birthday before 2006 were the same people who did the same this year. So, my “failure” is the fault of other people, right?

Wrong! I take full responsibility for my lack of success in fulfilling my 2006 resolution. While it would be easy for me to point fingers at others and say they “failed”, I believe the truth lies in the fact that I could have done more. (See my series of posts on “DO MORE” dated the week of December 11th through December 15th). As I reflect on my efforts in 2006, I should have done a better job of letting people know how much I sincerely care for them. (See “Seriously, I Do Care For You” on September 13th). For whatever reason, I was not able to connect in such a way with people that they wanted to connect with me. That is not their problem, but mine. I see myself as a very caring, open and compassionate person, but apparently, I have not expressed those qualities sincerely enough for other people to recognize. So, from this point on, I will try to be even more caring, open and compassionate. I will try to be even more like Jesus in my interactions with people. Pray for me that my efforts in the future will not only lead to more fulfilling relationships, but will also help me to receive a higher grade!

My New Year's Resolution

It’s that time of year again! A time to reflect on another year almost past. A time to ponder what might have been and what should not have been.

This is also a time to look forward to another year of unrealized possibilities. What good things does the New Year have in store? What challenges will rise up? While we acknowledge the potential struggles, we most often expect (and hope for) the upcoming year to be “our year”.

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, we make promises to ourselves that we sincerely intend to keep at the time we make them. Lose a few pounds. Eat less. Exercise more. Start that business. Find true love. Lose “bad” love. We vow that next year this time, we will be able to reflect on the great strides we have made on staying true to our resolutions. But often, our resolutions end up being trampled on by our good intentions and shifting priorities.

My prayer for you is that whatever your New Year’s resolutions, you will keep them and that you will be a better person because of them.

For me, my resolution this year is not going to be about me. I often talk about a spirit of service that Christian singles should have. Sure I could stand to lose a few pounds. Most definitely I have books I want to publish and businesses I want to start. I am confident that those things will come to pass. However, my focus this year is on making a spirit of service my main trademark when it comes to my interactions with others. So, I will continue to pray for you by name. I will continue to offer encouraging words. I will not stop doing the things for you that I believe God wants me to do for you. But that is not all I resolve to do.

In 2007, my New Year’s resolution is to help at least five people achieve their dreams. There are people out there who have definite plans to accomplish and I want to do what I can to help them. If you have a goal that you have set, I am available to you. I will not impose myself on you by trying to shape your dream. Rather, if you come to me, I will do what I can to make your dreams a reality. So, if you believe I can help you get to wherever you are trying to go, come to me.

Between you, me and God’s purposeful will, 2007 can definitely be your year!