My New Years Resolution For 2006

At the beginning of 2006, I made the resolution to use technology to better connect with people. My intention was to use the internet, emails, the telephone, text messages and whatever else I could think of to establish and maintain more solid relationships. To fulfill this resolution, I sent one-to-one emails (not group or junk emails), text messages, made phone calls, sent personal e-card greetings to people on their birthdays, emailed holiday greetings (Memorial Day, July 4th, Thanksgiving and Christmas) to everyone in my contact list, etc.

So how did I do or more specifically, did I succeed in establishing and maintaining more solid relationships in 2006? If I had to grade myself on my 2006 resolution, I would give myself a D minus. Why so low? Because I was not able to achieve the kinds of improved or deeper relationships I was seeking. One thing I learned about people in general is that most people are not willing to go beyond the surface in their relationships with others. It seems we are all content to have acquaintances, but not real deep friends. I cannot tell you the amount of unreturned phone calls, un-answered emails, dangling text messages and lack of signs of appreciation for e-card birthday greetings I have experienced in 2006. For the most part, the same people who wished me happy birthday before 2006 were the same people who did the same this year. So, my “failure” is the fault of other people, right?

Wrong! I take full responsibility for my lack of success in fulfilling my 2006 resolution. While it would be easy for me to point fingers at others and say they “failed”, I believe the truth lies in the fact that I could have done more. (See my series of posts on “DO MORE” dated the week of December 11th through December 15th). As I reflect on my efforts in 2006, I should have done a better job of letting people know how much I sincerely care for them. (See “Seriously, I Do Care For You” on September 13th). For whatever reason, I was not able to connect in such a way with people that they wanted to connect with me. That is not their problem, but mine. I see myself as a very caring, open and compassionate person, but apparently, I have not expressed those qualities sincerely enough for other people to recognize. So, from this point on, I will try to be even more caring, open and compassionate. I will try to be even more like Jesus in my interactions with people. Pray for me that my efforts in the future will not only lead to more fulfilling relationships, but will also help me to receive a higher grade!

Solitude Is Not For Everyone

Because of God’s grace, there are some things He keeps us from having to go through that we are not able to handle. We may think we are as bad as we wanna be and nothing can get the best of us, but most of us are smart enough to know that we are not “all that”. We may never admit it, but there are some challenges or fears or people or whatever that we are no match for. Thank God for His keeping power!

I think solitude is one of those things that some people cannot handle. For those people, they would rather go to the dentist than have to deal with being alone. For these people, they will do all kinds of things to avoid the “curse” of being alone including staying in bad relationships, getting together with old boyfriends or girlfriends who they know are not good for them, wandering aimlessly around public places like the mall or clubs or joining organizations to just be around other people. Hey whatever works!

For me, I spend a lot of time by myself. I admit that it is not always something I voluntarily do, but that is the way things are for me. It’s kind of funny at times that people will not believe me when I say that I spend what I think are inordinate portions of my weekends and holidays alone. They assume that everybody has other people in their lives, but for me that has not been the case for quite some time.

Because I spend a lot of time alone, I spend much time thinking about me or more specifically, what things about me I should change or work on. I also think about what few special relationships I have and those other relationships that showed promised but never really materialized. As a writer, spending time alone has helped me to finish one more chapter, write one more essay and do more research. I thank God that although I am alone and I sometimes feel lonely (there is a difference!), I am able to stay focused on Him and on those things He wants me to do.

No, solitude is not for everyone. If that is not your struggle, then praise God. I pray that you will cherish the relationships you have with family, friends and romantic partners that keep you from being by yourself. If you struggle with solitude, my prayer is that God will help you rise above its clutches.

For all of us Christian singles, we should do what we can to help our fellow singles make it through their times of solitude. All it may take is a short email or a quick call or a genuine hug of affection or a little card sent through the mail to let someone know that they are not really secluded and that you care.

Solitude is not for everyone, but being a genuine friend can be.