You Don't Know Me

When you look at me, what is it that you really see? In most cases, your so-called understanding of me is based on the prism of your thoughts, fears, likes and dislikes, hopes and experiences. So, in essence your view of me has more to do with YOU than it does with ME.

But if we are going to relate to each other, I must do a better job of truly knowing you, as you should do a better job of knowing me. Instead of relying on our own faulty visions, let’s make a consistent effort to use God as our magnifying glass. Since He knows our “goings and comings”, we might as well draw on His vision of who we are and what He wants us to become.

Christian singles need to learn how to get to know each other. It is a shame that we travel this road of singleness without truly becoming intimately familiar with who the other singles are. “Love thy neighbor as thyself”; that is what we are called to do. Most of us have the sense to know that our “neighbors” are more than the people living next door. But we have failed miserably in the part of the commandment that exhorts us to love others as ourselves.

You know yourself, don’t you? You love yourself, don’t you? Then the only thing keeping you from completely following the above commandment is the fact that you really don’t know who I am. What are you going to do about that?

Tomorrow’s Post: Will You Let Me Know Who You Are?

It's Sunday Morning

For many of us, as we progress through the week, we look forward to the weekend. We’ve worked hard and gotten out of bed earlier than we would like. The weekend affords the opportunity to slow down a little. But as it often turns out, our weekends can be just as hectic as our workweek.

How about Sunday morning? Do we look forward to that day? Sunday morning should be a time of renewed fellowship with like-minded Christians. We all have gone through our challenges during the week and Sunday morning is an opportunity to reflect on what has happened and become revitalized for what is to come.

It is my prayer that single Christians will look forward to Sunday morning with as much anticipation as they look forward to the weekend. Sunday morning is you and God time! What can be better than that? A direct result of this special time is a renewed understanding of how to better relate to others and a growing awareness of those areas in our lives we need to work on. We should not leave the worship experience as convinced of our false sense of perfection as when we entered! Also, Sunday morning should be a time we look at ourselves and leave the judgments and “holier than thou” sentiments in the sea of forgetfulness.

Thank God its Sunday Morning!

Stuck Like Chuck

On Christmas day, I had the privilege of serving meals to the homeless at the Salvation Army. It was a good experience and one that I think everyone should participate in. The experience was all the more interesting to me because I was employed there as the Assistant Director of Financial Development about five years ago. In that capacity, I was able to meet many of the residents at that time and I have heard many of their stories that led them to their homeless condition.

While serving on Christmas day, I met one person who was a resident of the Salvation Army while I was employed there. Seeing him there that day led me to think that some things never change. But, before I could go too far in pitying him, I also thought about me. How much has changed for me in the past 5 years?

• The amount in my savings account is about the same as it was 5 years ago.
• I am still one or two paychecks away from needing the services of the Salvation Army as I was 5 years ago.
• I did not have a girlfriend then and I don’t have one now.
• I have about the same amount of friends as I did 5 years ago.
• And the list goes on….
  
  

How about you? How many of you are stuck like chuck in your singleness?

• Do you still hold on to the same views of your singleness that you had 5 years ago?
• Are you still as scared of intimacy as you were then?
• Are you still as confused by the actions of the members of the opposite sex as you were in the past?
• Do you still have trouble finding true love as you did 5 years ago?
• Are you still as driven by your fears and your ego as you were in the past?
• And the list goes on….
  
  

Most of us singles can look back on our lives and see that we have not really changed all that much. The number one reason why we have not changed is because of our fears. God has given us the capacity to grow, but many of us are afraid of the process of change. What will we have to let go? What will we have to give up? What demons will we have to face? Often by default, we choose to hold on to what is familiar even though we know that will keep us stuck like chuck.

How crazy is that?

In the upcoming year, let’s resolve to get “unstuck” and leave ole Chuck behind. God is calling us to be more, be better and be different. With His guidance, what is it that we are afraid of?

Solitude Is Not For Everyone

Because of God’s grace, there are some things He keeps us from having to go through that we are not able to handle. We may think we are as bad as we wanna be and nothing can get the best of us, but most of us are smart enough to know that we are not “all that”. We may never admit it, but there are some challenges or fears or people or whatever that we are no match for. Thank God for His keeping power!

I think solitude is one of those things that some people cannot handle. For those people, they would rather go to the dentist than have to deal with being alone. For these people, they will do all kinds of things to avoid the “curse” of being alone including staying in bad relationships, getting together with old boyfriends or girlfriends who they know are not good for them, wandering aimlessly around public places like the mall or clubs or joining organizations to just be around other people. Hey whatever works!

For me, I spend a lot of time by myself. I admit that it is not always something I voluntarily do, but that is the way things are for me. It’s kind of funny at times that people will not believe me when I say that I spend what I think are inordinate portions of my weekends and holidays alone. They assume that everybody has other people in their lives, but for me that has not been the case for quite some time.

Because I spend a lot of time alone, I spend much time thinking about me or more specifically, what things about me I should change or work on. I also think about what few special relationships I have and those other relationships that showed promised but never really materialized. As a writer, spending time alone has helped me to finish one more chapter, write one more essay and do more research. I thank God that although I am alone and I sometimes feel lonely (there is a difference!), I am able to stay focused on Him and on those things He wants me to do.

No, solitude is not for everyone. If that is not your struggle, then praise God. I pray that you will cherish the relationships you have with family, friends and romantic partners that keep you from being by yourself. If you struggle with solitude, my prayer is that God will help you rise above its clutches.

For all of us Christian singles, we should do what we can to help our fellow singles make it through their times of solitude. All it may take is a short email or a quick call or a genuine hug of affection or a little card sent through the mail to let someone know that they are not really secluded and that you care.

Solitude is not for everyone, but being a genuine friend can be.