Stuck Like Chuck

On Christmas day, I had the privilege of serving meals to the homeless at the Salvation Army. It was a good experience and one that I think everyone should participate in. The experience was all the more interesting to me because I was employed there as the Assistant Director of Financial Development about five years ago. In that capacity, I was able to meet many of the residents at that time and I have heard many of their stories that led them to their homeless condition.

While serving on Christmas day, I met one person who was a resident of the Salvation Army while I was employed there. Seeing him there that day led me to think that some things never change. But, before I could go too far in pitying him, I also thought about me. How much has changed for me in the past 5 years?

• The amount in my savings account is about the same as it was 5 years ago.
• I am still one or two paychecks away from needing the services of the Salvation Army as I was 5 years ago.
• I did not have a girlfriend then and I don’t have one now.
• I have about the same amount of friends as I did 5 years ago.
• And the list goes on….
  
  

How about you? How many of you are stuck like chuck in your singleness?

• Do you still hold on to the same views of your singleness that you had 5 years ago?
• Are you still as scared of intimacy as you were then?
• Are you still as confused by the actions of the members of the opposite sex as you were in the past?
• Do you still have trouble finding true love as you did 5 years ago?
• Are you still as driven by your fears and your ego as you were in the past?
• And the list goes on….
  
  

Most of us singles can look back on our lives and see that we have not really changed all that much. The number one reason why we have not changed is because of our fears. God has given us the capacity to grow, but many of us are afraid of the process of change. What will we have to let go? What will we have to give up? What demons will we have to face? Often by default, we choose to hold on to what is familiar even though we know that will keep us stuck like chuck.

How crazy is that?

In the upcoming year, let’s resolve to get “unstuck” and leave ole Chuck behind. God is calling us to be more, be better and be different. With His guidance, what is it that we are afraid of?

Solitude Is Not For Everyone

Because of God’s grace, there are some things He keeps us from having to go through that we are not able to handle. We may think we are as bad as we wanna be and nothing can get the best of us, but most of us are smart enough to know that we are not “all that”. We may never admit it, but there are some challenges or fears or people or whatever that we are no match for. Thank God for His keeping power!

I think solitude is one of those things that some people cannot handle. For those people, they would rather go to the dentist than have to deal with being alone. For these people, they will do all kinds of things to avoid the “curse” of being alone including staying in bad relationships, getting together with old boyfriends or girlfriends who they know are not good for them, wandering aimlessly around public places like the mall or clubs or joining organizations to just be around other people. Hey whatever works!

For me, I spend a lot of time by myself. I admit that it is not always something I voluntarily do, but that is the way things are for me. It’s kind of funny at times that people will not believe me when I say that I spend what I think are inordinate portions of my weekends and holidays alone. They assume that everybody has other people in their lives, but for me that has not been the case for quite some time.

Because I spend a lot of time alone, I spend much time thinking about me or more specifically, what things about me I should change or work on. I also think about what few special relationships I have and those other relationships that showed promised but never really materialized. As a writer, spending time alone has helped me to finish one more chapter, write one more essay and do more research. I thank God that although I am alone and I sometimes feel lonely (there is a difference!), I am able to stay focused on Him and on those things He wants me to do.

No, solitude is not for everyone. If that is not your struggle, then praise God. I pray that you will cherish the relationships you have with family, friends and romantic partners that keep you from being by yourself. If you struggle with solitude, my prayer is that God will help you rise above its clutches.

For all of us Christian singles, we should do what we can to help our fellow singles make it through their times of solitude. All it may take is a short email or a quick call or a genuine hug of affection or a little card sent through the mail to let someone know that they are not really secluded and that you care.

Solitude is not for everyone, but being a genuine friend can be.