If we could develop a list of the physical traits of our ideal mate to the smallest of details, we would have a picture of our perfect one for the entire world to see. In the absence of such a list, others are left to guess about our “THE ONE”.
First of all, why worry about what someone else’s “type” is? Are you really clear on what yours are? My suggestion is that we should focus on being the best “ME” that we can be and let that be enough for any prospective mates. Mind you, I did not say that we should not always strive to nurture and improve ourselves. Physically, we should make sure that our hairstyle matches our body type, that our skin is as free of blemishes as possible, that we are not carrying excess weight, that our clothes accentuate our positive features and so on. This means we should exercise regularly, eat right, adopt healthy lifestyle practices, think pleasant thoughts and smile much more than we usually do.
Second of all, if you insist on worrying about someone else’s type, then at least keep things in the proper perspective. Take me for example; to anyone who cares to listen, I have said that Nia Long is my ideal fantasy mate. But the truth of the matter is that Halle Berry will do or Golden Brooks (“Maya” on the TV show “Girlfriends”) will suffice. So if you think, “Aha, I got Kevin’s ideal type figured out!” let me respond with “No so fast there, my friend!”. I do not know what my future wife will look like. She may be shorter or taller than I thought. She may be lighter or darker, skinnier or fatter or her hair color may be different than I imagined or longer or shorter than I envisioned. We all have our lists, but we need to be flexible. So what good is it for you to try and figure out what my type of woman is when that may change?
In the meantime, while I am waiting for my mate and you are waiting for yours, here is a little friendly advice. When it comes to relating with me, you don’t have to be Nia. You being you will be just fine. Don’t even try to be Halle or Golden. Just be the best you that God has designed you to be. As your fellow Christian single, please know that I appreciate you just the way you are with the understanding that we all have room to grow and improve. Part of our calling as Christians is to help others develop into what are God’s expectations of them. He did not call you to be Nia to me, just the ever improving and developing you. If that is good enough for God, then it is certainly good enough for me.
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2 comments:
It's not the point of being Nia or even Golden. Men today are fixed on youth and beauty. Outwards, not inwards. As a woman, I am happy with the way that I am. I am not overweight, but I could lose a few pounds. I don't plan on being single for the rest of my life, but the choice is not mine to make. As I look how men react to certain women and I listen to the male conversation, the well built young thang gets all the attention. But the older, slightly thick around the middle sister doesn't even get a second glance unless it's someone who wants to be "Sugar Daddy". So if we do want a chance in this lifetime, we are always trying to be a Nia, Golden or even if we really want to go for the gold, Halle.
If a brother has a wife that is extra thick, did she start off that way? We know what type we want, but we are not the type that some men want.
True if we just work on being the type that God wants then what do we have to worry about. He will supply our every need. If we are patient and don't stick our foot where it don't belong, He will supply that type for us.
In the mean time we enjoy life and continue to do His will and try not to let you men and your fantasies drive us over the deep end.
Mr. Writer,
First of all, when I first read this one I have to be honest I was somewhat disappointed until I was able to get understanding from a very “special friend”…and even then it took a while.
Every once in a while we all get caught up in “ME” and start to feel sorry for ourselves…and wonder why we are not a Nia Long, Halle Berry, or a Golden Brooks; it is all part of the desire to be accepted and wanted by the “THE ONE” or what we thought to be “THE ONE”…it is not until we mature as Christians and realize we only want to be “ME” the one God created and intended “ME” to be…
”You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous and how well I know it”(Psalm 139). You are correct “Don’t be a Nia!”… To want to be anyone else beside you would deny you of His blessings.
I encourage every woman to learn the words to India Aire’s song – “STILL NOT YOUR AVERAGE GIRL”….
Just Gotta Be Me....
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