Ain’t Nothing Wrong

I must admit that sometimes I am perplexed by the wordings that people use. Let me explain what I mean by an actual discussion I had with a fellow member of the same church I attend.

In reference to me not having a girlfriend, she asked “What is wrong with Shenequa? (Not her actual name).

My response was, “There is nothing wrong with Shenequa, I just don’t want her.”

Here is what is perplexing about her question to me. It presupposes that attraction is based on perfection. Thus, if I am not attracted to someone, it must mean that something is wrong with her. Her question also assumes that I feel like I am qualified to declare a person’s “wrongness”.

As I understand attraction, it is not based on perfection. In fact, attraction may be caused by the traits that others may view as unattractive. So Shenequa may be fine and cute and smart and witty, but I still may not want her. If there is something wrong, it is with me, not her. Just because I don’t want her, doesn’t mean that something is wrong with her. Perhaps the better question to ask is “What is wrong with you, Kevin” instead of “What is wrong with her?”

In our lives, we will make decisions about who is and who is not attractive. These are purely subjective and personal decisions. You may not like the criteria I use and I may not care for the criteria you employ. But we both have the God-given right to use the traits we choose. It is my hope that you and I both will learn to value those same traits that God wants us to base our attraction decisions on.

I further hope that we will stop thinking in terms of what is wrong with the Shenequas of the world. There have been many people who have decided they are not attracted to me and also that (in their opinion), I would not make a good mate for them. Does that mean something is wrong with me? (Well, there probably are a lot of things wrong with me, but they may not have anything to do with why people do not find me attractive. (smile)). Should I be mad at them for not wanting me? The answer is no to both questions.

So, if you like I, have been in the same position as Shenequa in this post, then don’t take it personally. Some will find us attractive and others won’t just as you and I will dig some but not others. That is part of living. Take solace in the fact that when it comes to whether or not God finds us attractive, “Ain’t Nothing Wrong”.