When God Was

Relationships are dynamic and fluid. For example, as we mature, our interactions with our parent(s) evolve from one of dependency to one of (hopefully) peaceful co-existence. Another example is the transformations from nervous first kiss to increasing comfort with intimacy that romantic partners experience.

Just as our human relationships undergo change, the same is true of our relationship with God. Whether we want to admit it or not, we were not always as familiar with Him as we claim to be now. There was a time when God was just a concept that we had not yet made real. While our mouths spoke the words that God was the head of our lives, the reality behind our actions implied that He was just a part of our lives, but not THE MAIN part. Thankfully for many of us, that was then and this is now. Before we reached our current level of spiritual maturity, God WAS.

But now, things are different. Because of how He brought us through the rough times, we cannot help but thank Him. As we think about His awesome power and His wondrous works, we would be crazy not to praise Him. Remember that broken heart that almost did you in? That was God who uplifted you. Remember that person who joyously worked your last nerve? That was God who strengthened you. Remember that temptation you found hard to resist? That was God who delivered you. Remembered that depression and loneliness that threatened to overwhelm you? That was God who befriended you. Thank God that He no longer is a “was” but He is very real indeed.

Regardless of how long you have been a Christian single, you know God better today than you did yesterday. He has done too much and you have seen His hands working in your life in too many ways for you to doubt His existence. Yes, God is real because He is real to you. Yes, God is real because He guides your thoughts. Yes God is real because He keeps you from doing those things you used to do. Yes, Yes and Yes, God is real!

As God has blessed us, our divine charge is to affirm His existence through our actions by ministering to others. For them, God was, but we have the blessed opportunity to transform their thoughts into becoming more familiar with a God who IS!

God Is, So What?

Guilty! Upon hearing this, we say, “Guilty of what? What crime have we committed?” The answer is, “You are guilty of not ACTING like God exists.” We say, “That’s ridiculous. Of course God exists. Only a fool would try to argue against that fact.”

God is, so why, so when, so who? God is, so what? Should the fact that He is real lead us to feel indifferent or should we feel excited? Our choices are either to shrug our shoulders as if we could not care less or raise our hands in a gesture of sincere praise. We know what the choice should be when everyone is looking. But what about when we are alone?

What a pity that sometimes we live a boring uneventful life that seems to affirm that maybe God is no longer with us.

• That situation that we could not find our way out of, but somehow a way was made out of “no way”. Did God exist then? If He did, then so what? When it comes to acknowledging God’s rescuing power, we say “Let bygones be bygones.”
• That person, who would have turned our lives upside down, but didn’t because of God’s protection. Was He real then? If so, then so what? Wasn’t God just doing what He was supposed to do?
• That month whose days extended way past our money, but somehow the bills were paid and food was purchased and the lights remained on. So what if God was the one we called on? He should not have promised to always be with us if He did not want us to take Him at His word.
• Remember that period of loneliness or depression or isolation or even shame? Tell the truth; didn’t we think that things would never improve? But somehow, some way, the Lord made a way. So what if God rebuked the enemy? We think we are now smart enough or strong enough or tough enough to handle things on our own without any divine help.
  
  

As we reflect on how we have not always been Godly in our dealings with each other and how we have allowed things other than God’s will to influence us, we recognize that we indeed are GUILTY. Good thing the Lord knows our hearts, because our actions imply that the fact He exists is no big deal. Who can wash away our sins and wipe our slates clean? Only God can, but only if we acknowledge that He lives. It is kind of ironic that the God whose existence we regarded with a “so what” attitude is the very same God that can help us recover from our self-destructive nonchalant outlook.

Thank God that even as guilty as we are, we have blessed opportunities to show the world through our behaviors and choices that God is worth more than an indifferent attitude of “so what”.

God Is, So Who?

How many ways can it be said? God really does exist. What Christian single will argue against that fact? Unfortunately, many of us “argue” against the existence of God through our actions. True, we say the right things with the words from our mouths, but our behavior uncovers our lack of understanding of the meaning behind God’s existence.

God is, so who will step up and affirm this fact?

• When conventional wisdom suggests a course of action, who will dare to take the road less traveled?
• When everybody is saying to go ahead and get that “eye for an eye”, who will respond with the power of Godly love instead?
• When temptations rise and suggest that no one will know what bad things you are contemplating, who will choose to do the right thing for the right reason?
• When spiritual leaders falter, who will be there to pick them up instead of kicking them while they are down?
• When everyone is sharing the latest gossip and rumors, who will turn a deaf ear and listen instead to the voice of the Holy Spirit?
  
  

What happens if God’s response to our declarations of His existence is, “Prove it”? Will we be able to pass the test or will we wilt under the pressure? Saying God is for real is the easy part. Who among us will stand head and shoulders above the masses and follow the clues in the reality show called “CSI – Spirituality”?

So who is it going to be? Affirming the existence of God is not as easy as it sounds, but it is definitely worth the effort. We all want to be blessed, how do we expect God to bless us if we are not willing to prove to the world that He is alive and well today?

Tomorrow’s Post - God Is, So What?

God Is, So When

God lives! What can be better than that? We Christian singles should be beside ourselves with joy. As we have grown in our understanding that He exists, we ought to praise Him like we are out of our minds.

We proclaim with exuberance that God is more than just a lofty notion, so when did we get disconnected from our convictions? Is it something in the water that causes us to act out against our spiritual nature? We must have fallen and bumped our heads!

• Lord, we love you, but we find it so hard at times to love other people.
• Lord please continue to forgive us even while we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us.
• Lord, will you still bless us even though we heap curses on others?
• Lord, will you remain faithful even in the midst of our unfaithfulness to you?
• Lord, please don’t turn your back on us even while we forsake those who need us the most.
  
  

One aspect of God that we often take for granted is His unconditional love. Even while He was the furthest thing from our minds, God made up His mind to love us. He was persistent and consistent in His resolve to show us love. God CHOSE love! God willingly VOLUNTEERED to love us! Let the praising begin!

So when are we going to do what God has done? We have the perfect example to follow in how we should interact with the people in our lives. Let’s keep this simple and uncomplicated: God chose love; we should also choose love. God volunteered to love us; we should willingly volunteer to love others. God loved us in spite of our flaws, so we should express Godly love toward others even when they act ungodly toward us. We don’t need a Ph’D to figure this out. If God is, then we should ACT like it. We can’t deny the blessed reality of Him, so when are we going to live up to our calling as children of God?

Tomorrow’s Post: God is, So Who?

God Is - So Why?

In a world of subjective truths, most of which we just make up as we go along, all Christian singles can agree on at least one thing. That point of agreement is: God Is. Anyone who disagrees, please exit the room because you are reading the wrong blog!

The question really is not about God’s existence, but rather how real is He to us? If God is really, really, really real, then why do we act the way we do? We are quick to point out the obvious fact of the existence of God, but His impact on us is not as apparent.

God is, so why:

• Are we so tempted to return hate for hate when people mistreat us?
• Do we seriously contemplate cussing out someone who has found and plucked our last nerve?
• Do we wish bad things on that former boyfriend or girlfriend who broke our hearts?
• Are we so easily seduced into doing things we know are not the right things to do?
• Are we more likely to buy a new outfit or go out to eat than pay our tithes?
• Do we make our interactions with others more about our selfish interests and less about what is best for them?
  

When we prefer to serve God out of convenience rather than through spiritual conviction, He becomes less real and we incriminate ourselves as hypocrites and liars. God is? Because of the ungodly things we do to each other, who would recognize this God who is supposedly the head of our lives? Often our behavior says that God “MIGHT” be instead of confirming that He “IS”.

Let’s elevate our Christian singleness by “proving” through our actions that God really does exist. By putting into practice the high standard of pure love, we can affirm that He is very real. When we step up to challenge of making God more visible, we not only enhance ourselves, but we also bring blessings down on those we interact with. Helping us while uplifting others simply by living as if God is; that is some good stuff! It all sounds so simple doesn’t it? SO WHY are we not doing a better job of verifying through our actions and the quality of our relationships the undeniable truth that God Is?

Tomorrow’s Post - God Is, So When?

This Week In Review Saturday 3/24/07

On Tuesday, I talked about how we have two lists of priorities. One list is comprised of those things we say because we feel that is what others want us to say. The other list includes those things we really feel which we hope no one discovers. On Wednesday, I suggested that if we keep the main thing THE MAIN thing, that we can allow the Spirit to guide us to the right kind of people to have a love conversation with. On Saturday, this post was about what happens to us when someone shows a romantic interest in us. That is the time when we should be looking to God and not to our selfish interests.

Below are some comments I have responded to.

“I am thankful that the Holy Spirit reminds me that I am in Christ therefore I have no gender and I have given up my rights…for “the real main thing”...” I wonder why God would make us a gender and then “remind” us “we have no gender”? I am more inclined to think that however God made us, when we are in Christ, He works through our various traits including our gender. I don’t think God asks us to deny, ignore or pretend like our gender does not exist so that we can get close to him.

“The realization is I may never get the one I want but the reassurance of knowing my father (Christ) will be there to dry my weeping eyes; to give me hope when I feel hopeless; to catch me when I fall; comfort me when I am lonely will have to be enough for now. For I know God has my best interest at heart!” Is the fact that God will dry your weeping eyes enough? God has given us the strong desire to bond with that someone special and I would suggest that He does not want us to settle for less than that. It’s nice to know that God will be there when we are sad and depressed, but He also wants us to find true love. The question we should then try to answer is, “Am I positioned for the blessings that God has for me?” Unfortunately for most of us, the answer to that question is “No.”

If I Want You

How often do we treat love as a nice theory but not something to be taken seriously in "real" life? Often it seems we assume that we have this love thing all figured out and it is the other person who still does not have a clue. This is akin to the notion that “I am okay; it is the world that is screwed up.” Who died and left you king or queen of the love village?

Yes, Jesus died for you, but don’t forget that He died for others also. Yes, He saved you, but He also did the same for everyone else. Selfishly, I think we sometimes try to hoard Jesus for ourselves and we refuse to share Him. We forget that He is Lord of all, not just us.

What happens if I want you? Will you treat me as another child of God or will you abuse my affection? You may pray that God guide your thoughts and actions, but when it comes to romantic endeavors, you figure that God is not behind the motivations behind someone who has professed his or her love for you. Whoa! Take a chill pill. It is not all about you. Rather, the risks and benefits of falling in love is truly a shared endeavor.

So what if I want you? The first question you should answer is “For me, what is THE MAIN thing?” If your “main thing” is truly in line with God’s purpose, then you can trust that He has your back and He will bless you beyond your expectations. Maybe the one who has approached you is part of the blessing package that God is trying to deliver.

When you realize that someone wants you, does that help or hinder your relationship with God? Sadly, we often give God a swift kick in the pants when it comes to romance when in fact we should be embracing Him and not so quickly hugging all over our romantic prospect. “Lord, I love you, but not as much as I love the possibility of falling in love.” Why do we use the fact that someone shows an interest in us as an excuse to express less interest in God?

God created us to relate and interact with each other. Some people we will love as romantic partners and others we will love as just a friend. But, let’s not forget that love is the common denominator in both situations. Who wants a God that walks around with eggs on His face because we abuse our desire for love? We disrespect God by the way we look at love and the manner in which we view those who declare “I want you”. Kind of ironic isn’t it how we exhibit more hateful traits when in fact God is giving us the opportunity to display more aspects of Godly love?

If You Want Me…

At some point in our lives, each of us wants to be wanted. Yeah, we go through our moments when we don’t feel like being bothered with all the good and bad that comes with falling in love. At times, it can seem like more trouble than it’s worth. Particularly when those we love don’t love us; why won’t they just cooperate? And then those who love us are the same persons we are not interested in. We wish that life and love would be as simple as “I love you and you love me, that’s all there is to it.”

Wouldn’t it be nice to have an open and honest conversation with someone that we want to love us? We could give them some inside information on what they need to do to win our hearts. Put a dash of this, two sprinkles of that and don’t forget a pinch of that special thing and voila, you have given them your secret recipe for love. Now that wasn’t too difficult was it?

If you want me is how we would love to start a dialog with someone we want to love. But noooooo, that is not how things go. The one you want to listen is the very one who seems like he or she could not care less. Who has the problem, them or you?

Spiritually speaking, is there some key knowledge that we are missing? Let’s review the “facts”. God created us with the desire to love. And to make sure that we would not permanently give up on it, He made that desire very strong. There were times when we tried to run from it, ignore it, shun it or act like it was no big deal. But all we ended up doing was unsuccessfully fooling ourselves. All of us have either already been or will be cursed with the “Love: I’ve got it bad” disease.

With those “facts”, what is a poor romantic soul to do? One thing that will help is if we learn to keep the main thing THE MAIN thing. What are our priorities and are they aligned with God’s will? If we can just figure out how to truly keep God at the forefront of our thoughts and actions, He will help us have meaningful and productive conversations with the right people about falling in love. What a pleasant thought! Instead of another period of loneliness and uncertainty, we can finally have that interaction with that special someone where we provide clues that start off with the phrase, “If you want me…”.

Tomorrow’s Post: If I Want You...

Keeping The Main Thing THE MAIN Thing

When it comes to our priorities, most of have two lists. One list consists of those things we want others to think we value highly. For Christian singles, this may include notions like spiritual growth, being nice to others, not talking negatively about others and making God’s will THE primary will in our lives. The other list is the one we do not like to talk about. This list contains the “real” things we regard highly. Some examples of items that appear on this secret or private list of priorities are: our need for people to like us, our overwhelming desire for sexual fulfillment, our goals of intimidating or manipulating others to get what we want or our need to win at all costs. This second list is the one we would rather just keep to ourselves and we hope no one ever discovers our “real” main concerns.

But for us Christian singles, when will our “real” main thing coincide with the REAL main thing? It is unfortunate that many of us are living a divided or even conflicting life because of our dual allegiance to the “isness” and “oughtness” of our priorities. The Holy Spirit constantly reminds of what our main objectives SHOULD be while also convicting us of what our main objectives actually ARE. If we get past the guilt and shame and learn what the Spirit is trying to teach us, the “isness’ stuff will get smaller while its “oughtness” counterpart will become more prominent.

In our relationships with each other, we sometimes create conflicts and discord because of the clashing of our respective dual lists that we are trying to reconcile. But, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, that stuff does not mix! Our fears of rejection and of not being enough as well as our egos cause us to stubbornly insist that others accept our “IS” and our “OUGHT” priorities. Yet we tenaciously refuse to accommodate their double main concerns.

Want to have better relationships? Then simplify things by keeping the main thing as THE MAIN thing. Don’t just hear what the Holy Spirit has to say concerning your two lists of priorities, do what you are being spiritually led to do. If you are like me, you are tired of platonic and romantic relationships that never fully reach their potential and that end prematurely leaving us feeling cheated, guilty, bitter and unfulfilled. You mean our relationships don’t have to be our main source of pain and stress in our lives? Yes, that is exactly what I am saying if we can grow in our ability to recognize God’s flashing neon signs illuminating our minds as to what is the MAIN THING.

Tomorrow’s Post: If You Want Me….

This Week In Review Saturday 3/17/07

On Tuesday, I talked about how we sometimes allow our “foolish” hearts convince that falling in love is not worth the risk and this often goes against God’s will. On Wednesday, I tried to encourage you to not let the pain and negative experiences keep you from the love that God wants to bless you with. On Thursday, this post was about not getting so caught up in our own bad experiences that we miss the larger blessings that God has for us. On Friday, I suggested that God made us with the desire to fall in love and that it is up to us as Single Christians to not lose that loving feeling.

Below are some questions from comments you left this past week. Check out my responses.

“I opened my heart and loved one that loves another, so I settle to just be that good friend. Even though I want more, I can only accept what they are willing to give. That hurts, so is this what God wants for me?” Let me see if I have this right. You liked this one person who did not like you in the same way. So, all you can expect from this person is friendship, but not a romantic relationship. It hurts that you cannot have more with this person. What I am confused about is how you link that experience with that one person with God’s will for your life? It sounds like your question is suggesting that God wants you to hurt and settle for less than what you want as evidenced by your experience with this one person.

“Were you reading my journal?” Okay, I know you didn’t really want me to answer this question, but I think there is an observation worth making. When I write, I write from my understanding of divine inspiration. I don’t have any “inside” information. The observation is this: Your experiences, while very personal to you, are common among many other singles. This shared experience does not lessen your pain, but it does suggest that if other singles can make it through their valley experiences, you can too. This is why I constantly urge people to comment on my postings. It is not necessarily what I write that brings revelation, but what others comment on in response to my postings that helps other singles.

One last comment about this past week’s posts - I focused on falling in love and how that is part of God’s plan for most of us if we don’t mess things up. I think this is an important topic for Christian singles, because we often allow our spiritual connection to God to incur static when we give up on finding true love because of past hurts and negative experiences. It may sound crazy to link finding true romantic love with the quality of our relationship with God, but I sincerely believe that is a valid link. My prayer is that you will reap the best of what God has for you spiritually and in your romantic relationships.

Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?

What happened that causes many of us to run away from love instead of rushing toward it? I wonder if we Christian singles have fallen for the myth of noble suffering. I guess we figure that since Jesus suffered, we must suffer. We have forgotten that Jesus’ suffering was for a divine purpose whereas our suffering is mostly self-inflicted and is not part of God’s intentions.

Losing that loving feeling is one example of how we heap suffering on our heads thinking that is God’s will for us. Nothing could be further from the truth. God does not want us to suffer. In fact, He has laid things out to make our lives easier, not full of stress and difficulties. Jesus’ suffering was by design; our suffering is the result of bad or ill-timed decisions on our part or on the part of others. But to put a noble so-called spiritual face on our struggles, we say we are single or without love or alone because that is how God wants it to be.

Wrong answer! We need to stop saying, “Yes, but…” when the statement is made that God wants us to fall in love. Why do we insist “God made me do it” when it comes to the things we implement that leads us away from being in love? Let’s begin setting the record straight by acknowledging the following facts:

• God created us as He wanted us to be
• He gave us the capacity to love Him and others
• Along with this capacity, He gave us the strong desire to love
• He did not make us as separate islands, but as living beings with an affinity to bond and form relationships

In short, God has laid things out and set things up so that we would fall in love and live happily ever after. Why would He go through all of this effort and then desire that we not fall in love?

Have you lost that loving feeling? Stop blindly following your foolish heart. Don’t just stop at the past negatives and pains in your life. Stop missing out on God’s plans for you by not seeing the forest for the trees. Love is there for you to have, but you must believe it. When we convince or trick ourselves into thinking that falling in love is not for us, that way of thinking becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thank God that He has not lost that loving feeling. If He can hold on to it since the creation of time, why can’t we hold on to the notion of love as we travel the road of our singleness?

Stop Hugging The Trees!

When it comes to matters of the heart, we often allow our hurts and past negative outcomes to dictate how we handle new relationships. Because we have been abused, misused and confused, we stumble and bumble our way through life. Our desire to be loved is outweighed by our desire to not be hurt again. We have allowed the “trees” of our experiences to block our view of God’s bountiful forest. As it concerns whether or not to enter into a potential relationship, we often cannot see the forest for the trees.

Each time we let a potential romantic partner get away because we feared the worst from that relationship, we are hugging a tree and missing the divinely inspired view of a beautiful forest. When we sit back and hope against hope that love will find us without any effort on our part, we are dancing a foolish dance with trees that hide the endless possibilities on display in the forest of a blessed life. All of those instances when we have cried ourselves to sleep because of loneliness or depression or frustration and we resolved to build a bigger and stronger fortress around our hearts, we are crouching behind a bush so that we don’t have to face the responsibility that comes with exploring the forest that God is calling us to enter.

It’s time we stop hugging the trees! The more we stare at that tree, the more it appears to grow into something that we cannot handle. How can we serve a God so powerful, yet we accept being so powerless? “That person broke my heart. He or she has not returned my calls. Why won’t they email me? Why doesn’t anyone ask me out on a date? Can’t I find someone to love me for me?” The answer to all of these questions is “no” if you continue looking for the solutions in a tree!

The forest beckons you. What does it represent?

• ABUNDANCE - When God blesses, it is usually in abundance.
• REDEMPTION - We have allowed ourselves to be held victims to our past, but God holds the key to unlock the doors keeping us from reaching our potential.
• RESTORATION - That which you have lost or foolishly given away, God is ready to return to you in greater measure than what has vanished.
• EMPOWERMENT - God will position you to not only receive His favor, but also empower you to help others to receive His blessings.
• SALVATION - When God “saves” you, He does so physically, emotionally and spiritually.
  

You wonder, “Is it possible? Can this be true? You mean there is a world of possibilities beyond these scrawny trees that I have been clinging to?” Even before the last words of these questions leave your mouth, hope sticks its head in the door of your heart and says, “Most definitely yes!”

You have followed your “foolish hearts” long enough, but “don’t stop there” where so many others have given up. Stop hugging those trees and start embracing the unbelievably magnificent dreams that God is holding out to you. As you encounter new relationships, accept and expect nothing less than the BEST because that is what God is trying to grant you.

Tomorrow’s Post - “Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?”

Don’t Stop There!

Have you ever been watching a movie and a person is getting ready to enter a room where the monster or bad guy is hiding? The ominous music is playing, the room is dark, there is a sense of impending danger and we shout, “Don’t go in there!” Sometimes, that is how we treat new romantic or platonic relationships. We think we hear the ominous music playing, the world seems dark and we have an impending sense of danger. So what do we do? We tell our hearts, “Don’t go in there; that is where the monster is hiding!”

Imagine how bleak things looked when Jesus hung His head and died. Look at poor Mary, the mother of Jesus, crying inconsolable tears. Where were the disciples when Jesus needed them the most? It looked like Satan, the Romans, the Jewish religious leaders and the unbelievers have come out victorious. The “monsters” have come out on top or so it appears.

But, just when everything seemed lost, God said, “Don’t stop there! Give me three days and you will be witness to a great new day. If you keep on moving forward, you will be rewarded with a blessing that will exceed your greatest expectations. I risked everything including suffering through the crucifixion of my Son so that I could prove my love for you.”

Fast forward to today. You have been telling your heart “Don’t go in there” because you are afraid to take the risk. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired and you have vowed to never be hurt again. You are convinced that there are “monsters” lurking behind every smile or greeting and you have refused to be taken advantage of. You have slammed the door shut on love by locking up your heart and throwing away the key.

That is just your “foolish heart” talking. Instead of listening to it, try hearing what God is saying. “Don’t stop there” is the divine encouragement being delivered directly to you.

• Don’t stop at that heartache that made you want to give up.
• Don’t stop at the memory of being played by a callous lover.
• Don’t stop at the angry words exchanged when you discovered your romantic partner’s unfaithfulness.
• Don’t stop at the pain of realizing that it was you who played the fool and not your heart.
• Don’t stop at the guilt still lingering from bad decisions and ill-advised actions.

The mighty, all knowing and ever present Creator of all time has promised to come to your rescue if you will just not “Stop There”!

I know it is tempting to dwell on the past pain in your lives, but I pray that God will give you the strength and vision to reach beyond the hurt and receive the bounty of His favor. I assure you that God has blessings beyond your expectations if you will move past the negative experiences of your past. When it comes to the emotional aches that have been holding you back from finding true love, my sincere encouragement is that you Don’t Stop There.

Tomorrow Post “Stop Hugging the Trees!”

Not So Foolish Hearts

“Foolish heart, hear me calling, Stop before you start falling. Foolish heart, heed my warning, You've been wrong before, Don't be wrong anymore.”

Those are some of the words to the song, “Foolish Hearts” by Steve Perry. Here the singer is trying to warn his heart not to get carried away with falling in love and exposing itself to being hurt again. Sound familiar?

Well, for me, that warning is something I have to constantly remind myself of. Lord knows I need another episode of broken heart blues like I need a hole in the head. But as a Christian single, am I allowing my fear of being emotionally crushed to keep me away from a blessing that God has sent me?

In an earlier post, I posed the question, “What is the BEST that can happen?” when it comes to our platonic or romantic relationships. I suggested as an answer that our trust in God would help us to expect the BEST and not fear the worst in our interactions with each other. But, what is it that we normally do? To avoid being hurt again, we don’t open our hearts to a potential relationship. Our faltering faith in God leads us to operate under the handicapping notion of it is better to be safe than sorry.

But is this what God wants us to do? It may be surprising to know that God wants us to take that phone call or answer that email or make that phone call or “make that move”. He is encouraging us to return that smile or meet that glance or extend a greeting or to accept that invitation. He made us to love and He made sure that desire was strong enough to drive us into each other’s physical and emotional embrace. Let’s assume that God knew what He was doing when He made us this way. Being safe or cautious is for wimpy Christians. God will take care of us so we can afford to be bold.

God is calling us to fall in love again. We cannot deny that when we are in love that our head is held high, our outlook on life is bright, our attitude is upbeat and our spirits are uplifted. Aren’t these good things? Maybe our foolish hearts are trying to tell us something and maybe we are the fools and not our hearts.

My prayer today for you is that you will run TO love instead of away FROM it. May God grant you the wisdom to follow your “foolish” heart so that you can truly experience the best that can happen in your romantic and platonic relationships. May this time in your life be the season that you fall in love.

Tomorrow’s Post - Don’t Stop There!

This Week In Review Saturday 3/11/07

This week, the topic was trying to find answers to the question of why we are single. On Sunday, we discussed how we sometimes come up with clichés as excuses. On Tuesday, I talked about how we blame others or even God for our singleness even though deep down inside we know they are not fair nor accurate accusations. On Wednesday, the post was about how we are the ones most to blame for being single and if we are going to grow from our experiences, we need to take responsibility for our unmarried status. On Thursday, I examined why I am single in the hopes that others will also examine the causes of their singleness. .

Below are some questions from comments you left this past week. Check out my responses.

“How do I become content and move from being saved, single and lonely to being single, saved and satisfied?” Should our goal as Christian singles rest on being satisfied? For me, my greatest moments of peace and contentment have come when I was convinced that I was doing what God wants me to do. But whatever I have done in the name of the Lord; I have often felt I could do more. Thus, I was not “satisfied”, but I was at peace. In our singleness, I think the goal should be do live as God would have us to live and the end result will be peace and a sense of purpose. That may or may not lead to “satisfaction”, but that is okay.

“So if we get off this trip and focus on what He wants us to do maybe we can see the whole picture and get busy concentrating on the real deal. His Work.” Why do we often separate “being single” from doing the “real” deal? The bottom line for me is this; what is God’s will for me at this moment and in the future? “His work” as was stated in the comment may be for me to currently use my singleness to be a blessing to others. In the future, “His work” may be for me to be a great husband or father. The “real deal” is “His work” and it can encompass my singleness today and my marriage in the future.

“Is everyone meant to be married?” I strongly believe that for a far majority of us, it is God’s will that we get married. For many of us who are STILL single, it is not because God’s wants us to be single, but because of the impacts of our actions and decisions in the past. When we linger in our state of singleness for longer periods than God intended, we are blocking our blessings and the blessings that God has for others.

“Is this something that we dump on ourselves and make "singleness" even worse because we dwell on just the fact that we are single?” When the result of our attempts to address the question of why we are single leads us to a pity party, then we are making our singleness worse. But, when we accept our responsibility for our current state AND we commit ourselves to fulfilling God’s will, our singleness today can lead to blessings for ourselves and for others.

“Congratulations, to those who know why they are single and I celebrate with those who have a solution to their singleness but for me I pray that I am able to be content and find joy in my singleness.” Is it God’s will that you find joy in your singleness? No one can answer that question, but for themselves. I cannot answer it for you and you cannot answer it for me. But, the focus should not be on what we as individuals want. Rather, it should be on putting into practice what God wants. For example, maybe He wants me to not feel joy in my singleness so I can do what I need to do according to His will to get married. Many of us have been taught that serving God is like getting drunk. We can temporarily forget our problems and experience a temporary high. But that is not the God I serve. He is more like a reality check enforcer that comes with the added benefit of blessing us beyond our expectations if we put Him first in our lives. Joy comes from being in and doing God’s will, not in looking at our current situation (in this case, our singleness) and pretending like we are happy about it.

“In order to enjoy the fullness of the blessings of that special someone, you would need to be married. As the bible said, "for it is better to marry than to burn.” It is interesting that you cite this scripture. Paul, who by many accounts was very, very, very committed to His calling more than many of us are, was expressing a concern about one’s spiritual well-being. In essence he was saying, that instead of running around town having sex without the benefit of a spiritually sanctioned relationship and suffering the consequences of that, it is better to get married and have all of the sex you want with your spouse. Paul was willing to deny himself sexual pleasure in his pursuit of spiritual growth and he was not shy about urging others to do the same. He was doing what he believed to be consistent with God’s will. Are we Christian singles willing to put God’s will above our will in every aspect of our lives and not just as it relates to sex?

“Could you please tell me how to learn to be content in every situation?” For Christians, the periods of time where one will find their greatest sense of contentment is when they are doing what they believe to be God’s will. The challenge is to recognize God’s will as opposed to our will that we try to trick God into endorsing. When we try to pull one over on God, we still will miss out on the peace and contentment you mentioned in your question.

“Just trying to get out there and just make friends is a job. You have to work at it. And then you don't know if they are for real or not. You know in your heart that you are sincere, but who is to say that the other person is or don't have a hidden agenda?” It would seem like the focus of this question is on the wrong thing. Sometimes we are so concerned about the possible negative outcomes that we do not properly value the possible positive outcomes. Whether talking about platonic friendships or romantic relationships, what is the best that can happen? The more we trust in God, the more we can believe that the best is possible. Unfortunately, our trust in God is not strong enough for us to stop worrying about being played or taken advantage of or being lied on or being used or being victimized by others who may not be sincere. If I truly trust God, then so what if there are people out there with their own secret agendas? God has my back and that is good enough for me to EXPECT the best from my relationships with others.

Okay Kevin - Why Are YOU Single?

Okay Mr. “Look at Singleness From A Spiritual Perspective”, you write all this stuff about how we should address the question of why we are single. What about you? Why are YOU single?

Well, I am glad you asked. I think there are two main reasons why I am not married today. The first reason deals with the impact of decisions I have made. There are some things I have done many years ago, which are impacting my life even now. I believe that God’s plan was for me to be married in my late twenties and in fact, I did get married around that age. But, I chose a path to marriage that was different from the path that God wanted me to take. Consequently, my marriage did not last. I still believe that marriage is part of God’s plan for me, but because of my past actions and decisions, I am left with taking the more difficult path to the land of matrimony.

Second, the reason why I am not married today is I have yet to find someone who really GETS or understands me. Note there is a difference from WANTING to get to know someone and ACTUALLY getting to know someone. In my life, I have had people that fell into the WANT category, but not the ACTUAL. The way I know people are not “getting” me is by their assumptions about me and their reactions to me. I have had people tell me their interpretations of my motives behind my actions and they have been way off. In essence, they are seeing me through their version of me, but not really seeing ME. The woman I marry is the one I am convinced really understands me.

What is it that you want other singles to get from your response to the above question?

The first thing I want to say is what people should NOT do in response to my above answer. Many people will feel compelled to comment on my situation. To do that is a waste of their time and it demonstrates that they did not get the point. The main point from my above answer is that we should look at ourselves and really work at finding responsible answers to why we are single. By doing a comprehensive spiritual and emotional self-examination, each person can learn something about themselves and get a glimpse of God’s will for them.

Any final comment?

Trying to answer the question of why we are single can be painful and quite unpleasant at times. But on the other side of the struggle, God has a blessing that will keep multiplying into even more blessings. My prayer is that Christian singles everywhere will position themselves to receive ALL of the blessings that God has for them.

Why Are You Single? - Did I Do That?

As we deal with trying to identify the reasons why we are single, we can experience a mixture of emotions. Sometimes we feel guilty because we know there are some things we should have done differently. Other times we feel bitter or angry because we believe that factors outside of our control knocked us off the path to marriage. There are times when we feel nonchalant about our single status and we get tired of discussing it or thinking about it.

But try as we may, there is no getting around it. Surely as the sun will rise tomorrow, we will be faced with trying to come up with explanations as to why we are single. Are we ready? Is today the absolutely worst day to deal with this question? Would you rather have your teeth pulled than have to think about the causes of your singleness?

In a previous post, I wrote about how we sometimes try to blame God for our singleness even as we know that He is not the real culprit. But He is as good as any target, isn’t He? Most of us will deny pointing the finger of accusation of God and many of us will resist to the death the notion that we are laying blame at the feet of the Almighty. But the truth is sometimes in our false piety or out of a sense of desperation; we secretly harbor thoughts of condemnation about God’s role in keeping us from getting married.

But, let’s cut to the chase here. It’s not God’s fault and while others may have played a part, they are not the main reason why we are single. Spiritually speaking, it is God’s will that most of us get married. It is His will that we reap all of the benefits that a spiritually sanctioned marriage has to offer. Then what is the problem? If God has ordained it, then it is a done deal, right?

Although God has willed marriage for us, many of us have rejected that path and that has kept us on the path of singleness. Did I do that? That is the question we should be asking ourselves as we try to understand what the heck happened to God’s promise of marriage? Maybe we played around too much. Maybe we carelessly broke too many hearts. Maybe we focused on too many of the wrong things. Maybe we couldn’t recognize a potentially good spouse for us if they were staring right in our faces. The painful response to this question is, “Yes, I did do that.” We all have to admit about ourselves that “I did mess up” or “I did not have enough patience or faith” or “I did rely on my own might at the expense of God’s purpose” or “I did allow my ego or fears to knock me off-track.”

“Lord, okay I admit it. I really messed things up and now I am looking for you to bless me anyhow. Help me to learn from my mistakes and help me to get back to where you have envisioned me to be. I am open to what your will is for my life and I will listen when you are speaking. Help me to recognize my role in the causes of my singleness and empower me to grow in such a way that I will be able to receive all of the blessings you have ordained. Help me to NOT be my worst enemy when it comes to the good things you have planned for me.”

Tomorrow’s Post - So Kevin, Why are YOU Single?

Why Are You Single? - Oh, Really?

Trying to come up with answers to the question of why we are single can be uncomfortable. It is normal to wonder if there is something wrong with ourselves even as we also try to determine if something is wrong with others. Who is to blame? And as a fallback position, we can always blame God. But what’s the use of trying to convict God of a crime that He did not commit? You think God is guilty of making you single? Oh, really?

So exactly how do you explain this “God made me do it” defense? He created you with the desire to love and be loved; yet He blocks your every attempt at finding true love. Sounds kind of crazy when you really think about it. God as an “Indian giver” when it comes to teasing you with the hope of having a soul mate in your life only to snatch that dream away leaving you still single, still lonely and still dissatisfied. Is that what you think? Oh really?

Maybe you think God is not a dream stealer, but perhaps He has another purpose instead of marriage for you. Is this wishful thinking that in such a confused state where your singleness raises more questions than you can answer, that God can turn your question marks into periods? Deep inside in the quietness of your moments of solitary confinement, you sense this accusation of God as the stingy keeper of the answers to your singleness related inquiries does not make sense. Our Heavenly Father as the giver of a test of multiple questions, but with one answer that ends with us still being single. Is that what you label as purposeful singleness? Oh really?

Why in the world are you single? When you feel like no one is looking, you point the finger of accusation at God. He did it and you are willing to serve as the key witness at His trial. Exhibit A is your history of failed relationships, memories of broken hearts and soggy pillows soaked with your tears. You refuse to see that you are the real culprit. No, it is more convenient to place the blame on God. You declare that you are single because God is nothing but a “hater” and He does not want to see you happy. You vow that justice will be served and that the world will know that you are not at fault. It’s God fault you insist and nothing will get you to change your view. You are convinced that God will not have an alibi for the crime of forcing you into singleness. You have Him right where you want Him, don’t you? Oh really!

Tomorrow Post: “Why Are You Single? - Did I Do That?”

Why Are You Single? - Clueless Clichés?

Do you know why you are single? For some, the answer may seem obvious. For others, the correct response may not be as apparent. I suspect that the answer changes over time. Or maybe the real truth is that there is no one cause of your singleness. Also, the answer depends on who is asking and your interpretation of why they want to know.

Clichés are popular sayings that masquerade as solid truths. Sometimes, we run to our closet of trite mottos to try to address the question of why we are single. But more often than not, we come up short. The cliché may numb us for the moment, but the frustration associated with our inability to come up with a complete answer is just another thought away.

• I can do bad all by myself - This is partially true, but misleading. The real truth is that we can actually do much worse by ourselves than we can with the support, love and friendship of others. How many times has a friend talked us out of slashing the ex’s tires or quitting that job or “back slapping” that nosy gossiper? Most of us can recall how a romantic partner helped to talk us off the edge or restore some sanity to an otherwise crazy day. Thank God they were there, because without them, things would not have only turned out bad, but even worse.
• Sex between two unmarried consenting adults is okay - From a spiritual sense, sex outside of marriage is harmful spiritually, physically and emotionally. How many times has our seemingly good relationships descended into a pit of emotional emptiness or intense feelings of suspicions or become engulfed in the powerful grips of our fears? For many Christian singles, pre-marital sex is like playing with live dynamite. Sooner or later, it will explode and just make a mess of things. The resulting "mess" often delays or prevents us from finding our soul mate.
• There are no good wo/men around - Does this mean that everyone who is not married are “not good”? Certainly not. There are many good men and even more good women who would be good spouses. It may SEEM like there are not enough good men or good women, but the real problem is our warped values and our lack of reliance on God’s standards. It may be difficult to admit, but when we focus on others as the blame for our singleness, we are falsely letting ourselves off the hook. Our attempts at not owning up to our responsibility actually makes it more difficult to find our special romantic partner.
  
  

There are many more clichés out there that singles may try to slap on some rose colored paint to make it look like a real answer, but the point is that most of us are clueless about why we are not married. So, as you ponder this post, don’t focus on the three above clichés. Rather, try to center your thoughts instead on those instances that you blamed everyone else, including God and not yourself for your singleness. Anytime we look outward instead of inward, we add more obstacles blocking our way toward the land of matrimony. Why are you still single? The next time you are faced with answering that question, start of with “I” instead of “They” or “Them”. When you begin looking at yourself, you are providing evidence that you are starting to get a clue.

Tomorrow’s Post - Why Are You Single? - Oh, Really?

This Week In Review Saturday 3/2/07

On Sunday, We were encouraged to “Lift Every Voice and Sing”. On Tuesday, I talked about how we need to “shush” ourselves and really hear what God is trying to say to us. On Wednesday, the post was about how we may trust God, but we don’t trust him enough. On Thursday, I discussed that sometimes we put more focus on fearing what God has to say than on respecting Him. On Friday, I discussed how singleness is full of uncertainties and how we can counteract them through trusting God with our whole heart.

Below are some questions from comments you left this past week. Check out my responses.

Shhh…That Was God Talking! This is not a response to a question, but a point of clarification. The MAIN point of this post was to say that we must learn the art of “shushing” so that we can hear God talking to us. “Shushing” means to stop assuming we know the answers and to stop doing what we have always been doing. It also means to be receptive to what God is trying to tell us.

Trusting God On The Down Low. This is not a response to a question, but another point of clarification. This post is not about praising God, but about trusting Him completely. Most of us only partially trust Him. We tend to fall back on bad habits and on so-called conventional wisdom and we tend to use Godly wisdom only as an emergency position when the other stuff we have been doing is not working.

Trusting God On The Up and Up. This is not a response to a question, but another point of clarification. Trusting God on the up and up should be our goal. But when we have doubts and we express our fears, we do not fully trust Him completely. We often do not recognize it or sometimes we do not want to admit it, but we are not consistently trusting God on the up and up.

“I am sure you know that I am going to say you are single and not in a relationship by choice...” People often make this statement without fully understanding what they are saying. I addressed this point in “My Choice” on September 6 and also in “Your Choice” also on September 6.

“As someone said in an earlier post, “Men have the advantage in relationships, 95% of the time they are the ones who get to choose”; Men get to find and seek a mate which in order with the word.” Let’s assume that men do have the advantage in relationships. My response is “So what?” In my post, “You Already Have It” on February 6 and in “This Week In Review” on February 10, I talked about how God has already given us the tools we need to answer the problems we face and how creativity is a spiritual gift. For women, you may be at a disadvantage, but what creative ways are you going to deal with this disadvantage? In “This Week In Review” on Feb. 10, I suggested some things women can do to increase their odds at finding a mate. Most women responded with statements like, “I can’t do that” or “I am not used to doing this”. If those suggestions are not for you, then what other suggestions are you going to come up with or are you just going to complain and not do anything to change your situation? God did not create you or I to be a victim!

“My pray for all of us are that God will teach each us to love one another as we are and get beyond the physical because as we age these things will change…and perhaps pass away.” Does God expect us to get others to love us just as we are? I would strongly suggest that the answer to that question is “NO”. Is my hair too gray? Am I overweight? Do you wear too much make-up? Do you look better in a dress or in slacks? We should constantly ask and answer these types of questions and always seek to improve ourselves. Our posture should not be that others should love us as we are, but that we will accentuate our positives as a reflection of how much we love ourselves. Nobody can love us beyond the level at which we express self-love. Concerning our love for others, if what we are expressing is Godly love, it will help the other person to be their best, physically and spiritually. Lastly, it is just wishful thinking that our attention to physical attributes will go away. If things did “just pass away”, then why do older men trade in their wives for younger women? Why do older women desire younger men? (Hint: It is not because of their spiritual attributes!)

Single and Trusting God With My Whole Heart

“Why should I be discouraged? Why should the shadows come?”

I woke up this morning and I was still single. Is the fact that I am not married a good thing? I wonder if I will ever find someone to fall in love with and who is just as willing to fall in love with me. Maybe I am not good enough. Maybe my hair is too short or too gray. Maybe I am not the right weight to attract someone. Maybe my breath stinks too much for someone to want to kiss me. Maybe this or maybe that is the cause of my continued singleness. Maybe, maybe, maybe. At times, that’s what my singleness seems to be about; a never-ending flow of maybe’s causing me to feel like I am drowning in a sea of uncertainties.

“Lord, I have so many questions. Do you have any answers? Will you share any of them with me? Help me to not become discouraged so quickly and help me to keep moving toward your light so the shadows will always be behind me. In short, help me to truly trust you with my whole heart.”