Too Lazy

Lazy? Who me? I don’t think so! These are typical responses for when we are accused of being lazy. But how else can we explain not putting forth the effort we know will give us those things we desire?

And what exactly is it that we can “get”? The short answer is all of the blessings that God has for us. Now this is where most of you will hide behind the misunderstood statement; “what God has for me is for me”. That statement means nothing by itself. For it to reflect God’s true will, we must add; “if I don’t blow it”. Without that additional statement, we remove any responsibility we have and dump it all over God. In other words, “God better bless me regardless of what I do”.

All of this gets me back to the lazy theme. God wants us to earn that college degree or find that well-paying job or start that lucrative business or buy that fancy house or find your soul-mate. But, He is just not giving us these things without us being properly prepared. If we get that college degree, will that move us closer to Him or push us further away? If we get that new job or start that new business or buy that fancy house or find our soul mate, will it be easier or harder for Him to get our attention? Okay, we all know what the answer SHOULD be, but what is the true answer? If we have not shed our lazy ways; then God blessing us with those things we are asking for is like a parent giving a small child a loaded gun to play with. Chances are the child will harm themselves and others with that gun and so it is with some of the blessings we have been seeking from God.

Instead of reading the Bible like we should or praying consistently like God expects us to or expressing Godly love in all of our relationships, many of us have gotten so fed up with being played and hurt and embarrassed and abused that we throw up our hands and give up. We’ve been turned down for too many jobs, failed too many college courses, lost too much money in our business ventures, had our houses go into foreclosure or had our hearts broken too many times for us to keep doing the right things for the right reasons. We would rather just give up. It is easier to just stay down instead of getting back up and at ‘em again.

The blessings are there, even if you cannot see them. Trust God and get out there and do some work. There are college degrees with fancy letters with your name on it. There is a new house that is waiting for you to move in. There is a new job that needs someone with your expertise. There is a soul-mate who is looking for a lover just like you. Are you connected enough to God to receive all of these blessings and more or will you continue to take the lazy way?

I pray that God will grant all of us the will and the drive to rise from our couch potato easy chairs and reap every last ounce of favor God is sending with our names on them.

Tomorrow’s Post: Too Much Drama

Too Busy

Is it me or does it seem like everyone is busier than ever? Can’t talk now, I have to be here or don’t bother me because I am supposed to be there. I have places to go and people to see and things to do. Doesn’t that sound familiar? If you are not saying these things, then you know someone who is.

Like most of you, I have a full plate. Between running several businesses, writing and publishing my books, serving on various committees and various other activities; I can always find something to do. But one of the most incorrect assumption can make about me is that I am too busy to start and maintain a romantic relationship. That is just plain wrong!

For me, the opportunity to build a healthy and life-affirming connection with a woman who is a good match for me is something I will always make time for. I cannot imagine ever being too busy to enjoy a blessing that God is trying to send my way. A good woman is worth the time to get to know and no committee or business or anything is going to keep me from her.

What about you? Do you use your busy schedule as an excuse for not starting or maintaining new relationships? Let me offer some friendly advice. Stop that? Make time for someone special in your life. He or she will be worth it. If a long-term romantic relationship is what you want, don’t blow it by claiming that you have so many things to do. Keep up your volunteer efforts, stay in school, remain a diligent employee or put your creative energies to good use in your new business or continue singing in the choir. Whatever you are doing, keep doing but don’t let them prevent you from finding true love.

When all is said and done, a successful business or college degree or a hefty bank account pale in comparison to the sense of fulfillment you will experience in a romantic relationship that God has blessed you with. Be honest. What compares with the joy of anticipating that first kiss or spending romantic moments or late night walks and talks or the sharing of dreams with the one you love? I refuse to let my full schedule keep me from experiencing these things. What about you?

Tomorrow’s Post: Too Lazy

Too Honest?

Interacting with people is more of an art than a science. And the more potentially intimate that relationship; the more treacherous the path. Hence, the saying that those you love the most are the ones who can hurt you the most. But the real question is “Are you willing to risk being hurt if it means the possibility of finding true love is at hand?”

When it comes to romantic relationships; I think it is helpful if we think of dating as the gathering and sharing of information. Often, we put too much pressure on ourselves because we have a specific objective in mind when it comes to our dating activities. “Should I ask her for her number and risk her saying no?” “Should I accept his proposal to go to the movies and risk not having a good time?” “Should I even bother with dating if it means I might get my heart broken?” If you insist on making the goal of getting a boyfriend or girlfriend your only objective, then the answer to the above questions should be no.

On the other hand; if you value the sharing and acquiring of information, then dating is right for you. Granted, the information you receive may not be what you want to learn about someone. It is possible you may find out that he or she is not really into you. Or you may discover that he or she is not really compatible with you. Or you may realize that you are not able to measure up to his or her standards. These “facts” may not be desirable, but they are good things for you to know.

In our zeal to get to know someone, we feel the urge to divulge a lot about ourselves. We want him or her to love us as much as we sense we are beginning to love them. When we talk and we share with them our expectations; we hope two things will occur. They will share information about themselves with us and they will start to like us. But sometimes instead of love, we get a form of dislike in exchange for information we disbursed. Is that pleasant? No. Is that good? Yes.

So, can we be too honest? I don’t think so. Our timing can be off, but it is always better to deal with truth than with something less than the truth. It may make sense to wait until a few outings after the first date to disclose certain information. But in my opinion, it is never good to forever withhold vital facts about ourselves from those we are interested in.

What if he or she leaves me? What do I do if he or she no longer wants to be with me? Those are good questions and I think a good answer is that it is better to deal with the knowledge of not having someone in your life that does not want to be with you than it is to not be aware of their lack of interest or compatibility. The sooner you know that he or she is not going to stick around, the sooner you can move past the hurt and proceed to what God has in store for you.

Tomorrow’s Post: Too Busy?

Reading Minds

In our interactions with others that potentially could blossom into a romance; there seems to be more questions than answers. Does he like me? Is she just being polite or does she have feelings for me? Am I the kind of person he is looking for? Do I match up well with the items on her wish list? Making this period of questions even more frustrating is the inability or refusal of the other person to provide straight answers.

It has been said that there is a dance ritual before the dating starts. I can’t reveal too much about how I am feeling and you play your emotional cards close to your chest. We often are left with reading signs and deciphering clues. She called me, so she must like me, right? He took me out to the movies, so he wants to date me, right? To be fair, we assume the other person can correctly decipher our clues. I picked up the phone when you called, so I must like you. You said yes when I asked you out, so OBVIOUSLY I must like you.

What is it about us that we can’t just say what we mean? I like you. Now tell me if you like me. No guessing, no games, no mysteries. Either we are going to move forward in the direction of romance or we are not. Let’s not be coy here. If we are not going to be together; then it is best we move on before one of us gets our heart broken or our feelings hurt.

Besides, what is obvious to you may not be the same for me. Or what I think you should clearly see concerning my feelings for you may not be so plain to you. As hurt as I may be if you were to plainly say that you are not into me; I would appreciate your honesty and the opportunity for me to move on. It is unfair for me to keep stringing you along if I am not really interested in starting a relationship with you. At some point, we know how we feel, so why do we make people read our minds?

If we insist on being elusive and mysterious; then somehow the Holy Spirit will need to step in and bless us with the gift of discernment. Sometimes we will just have that feeling that the person we are attracted to is not a good match for us. We may not be able to put our finger on it, but we trust God enough to help us protect our hearts. If we trust God, we no longer have to resort to the imperfect science of reading minds!

For each one of you that wants to find true love, I pray that God will help you to successfully navigate the pathway to blissful romance. Resist the temptation to push away the Spirit when it comes to finding your soul mate. Without the Spirit whispering truth and guidance in your ears; all you will be left with is trying once again to read someone else’s minds. I don’t know about you; but I’d rather put my faith in the wisdom of the Holy Spirit than on my fallible senses.

In a Jazzy Mood

I am a big smooth jazz fan. Smooth jazz helps to set the mood for those times I am writing or thinking about what I should be writing. It seems like my fingers hit fewer wrong keys when the music is smooth and my thoughts come more easily. It is sort of like singing in the shower where our voices sound much better; smooth jazz makes me THINK I am more profound than perhaps I really am!

So blame it on the music when you don’t agree with my posts. Maybe I should have been listening to George Howard instead of Howard Beasley or maybe Marion Meadows would have been better. But I think in the final analysis, the gist of my thoughts would not have changed much regardless of who is playing in the background.

Music inspires me to try and capture the emotions behind our singleness. It is one thing to encounter events in our lives, but what adds texture to our perceptions of those events is our feelings. If you are watching tv alone on a Friday night; what is the emotion that is sharing the sofa with you? If you are anticipating having a first kiss with someone special soon; what tingles of emotions are you experiencing? For me, smooth jazz helps me to hone in on those sentiments.

Emotions are important because they form the basis behind our behaviors. Under the spell of anger, our actions differ significantly than when the emotion is joy. The better we can anticipate and even control our emotions, the more we can mold our actions to our spiritual principles. On the other hand, when we let our emotions run the show, we are vulnerable to being more violent, more hurtful, more destructive and more selfish in our interactions with other.

For me, smooth jazz allows me to experience the emotions similar to the way a scientist observes nature but does not alter the scene. I can experience sadness without “behaving” sadly. I can experience anger without becoming destructive. I can feel the joy of being in love without losing myself in daydreams. It is amazing what smooth jazz can do.

Sometimes my posts are upbeat and sometimes they are not. That is very similar to the smooth jazz I listen to. Depending on the music or the mood it stirs; I can feel like dancing or I can just desire to sit and think. But the thoughts that arise from either mood reflect another aspect of our singleness journey. That’s the beauty of being in a jazzy mood.

Have A Little Talk With Jesus

There will be times that we want to have a conversation with someone who does not seem to share the same sentiment. Perhaps not exactly a declaration of love, but certainly a declaration of interest. You feel something about this person and you want to let them know how you feel in hopes you will find they feel the same about you. You hope against hope that the unreturned phone calls, the unanswered emails and the blank looks are not really communicating messages contrary to what your heart is declaring. What to do when the one you want to talk to appears not to want to talk to you?

Have a little talk with Jesus and tell Him about your troubles.

You had a major fight with your best friend and ugly things were said. At the time, you were too proud to apologize and to be honest, you were in no mood to accept one if they offered one. But now, you miss your best friend and you have swallowed your pride. If you could just get them on the phone, you now realize that you would have much to say. But your friend is not ready to communicate with you. What’s next?

Have a little talk with Jesus and tell Him about your troubles.

A private conversation or rather argument has erupted between your conscience and your desires and you can’t find anyone to talk some spiritual sense into you. You feel quite vulnerable right now and you need a spiritual ally to help you get back on track. In your mind, you believe that no one truly understands what you are going through. With no one to open up to, to whom do you turn?

Have a little talk with Jesus and tell Him about your troubles.

We know that Jesus is someone we should be talking to at all times. But being human with our individual vulnerabilities; sometimes we go everywhere but to Him when tough times come our way. Jesus has the capability and also the willingness to make our good times better and our bad times good. Let’s stop making our singleness harder than it has to be. Let’s make a habit of continuously having a little talk with Jesus.

Finding God

We have been told that God is so big that we can’t get around Him. So high, that we can’t get over Him. So “everywhere” that we can’t lose Him. If all of this is true; then why every once in a while, do we have to take special effort to find Him?

When things are going well, we sometimes forget to include God in on the ride. He may have provided the means for our success, but yet we somehow manage to kick God to the curb.

When we see a new Mr. or Miss Look-So-Good; we sometimes tell God to get out of our way. Even though every relationship that we tried to build without Divine guidance has blown up and left us frustrated, broken-hearted and a little more cynical; we have the audacity to think that this time will be different. Our actions say “Sure God created the heavens and the earth and stuff, but He doesn’t know “jack” about how to build a life-affirming and healthy romantic relationship for me.” So Lord, if you don’t mind, please take all of that spiritual mumbo jumbo over there while I try to get some love from Mr. or Miss Look-So-Good.

When our friends are acting right by being trustworthy and not divulging our secrets; we sometimes think their friendship is more solid than having the confidence of God. As long as our friends are willing to go dutch every once in a while, answer the phone when all hell breaks loose or lend us $5 until payday; we sometimes look down our noses at Divine favors being sent our way.

And on those occasions when things aren’t going well, we sometimes would prefer going anywhere but to God. Sometimes it’s guilt or sometimes it’s just plain arrogance, but we have decided to make God a last option instead of the first one we turn to.

So as big and expansive as God is; we sometimes lose Him along the way. Our heads tell us that He is always there and He will never forsake us, but often our hearts trick us into feeling like He is AWOL.

Where ever you find yourself on your singleness journey, I encourage you to “find” God. Things going pretty well? Maybe it’s time to allow God to be your wingman even though He is the one who is actually in charge. Found a potential new love interest? Before you go messing things up again; consult with God, the ultimate relationship coach. Are you blessed with having good friends? Make sure you count God as one of those dear comrades. And when things take a turn for the worse, go ahead and swallow your pride and tell your troubles to the Wonderful Counselor.

Save yourself a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth stuff and take the time to keep the main thing, the main thing. Take the time to find God.

Cheering From The Sidelines

It has been said that what goes around, comes around. I suppose that is true of good luck and periods of special blessings. Today may be my day of special blessings while tomorrow may be yours. Or maybe our days of divine favor may happen at the same time or they may not. As Christian singles, I think that we should work just as hard at celebrating the special moments of blessings for others as we do our own special days.

I have a friend who seems to have found a promising new love. She is at a stage where there are more questions than answers, but each day hints at new and exciting discoveries about her new friend and potential romantic partner. She does not know it, but I am praying for her and the new relationship. I stand ready to celebrate each new milestone and any details she care to share. Sometimes she does not have to say anything but let the smile on her face affirm that things are going well. Whether she keeps me abreast of her romantic accomplishments or not; I want her to know that I am cheering for her from the sidelines.

As her cheerleader, I expect good news and I would be greatly disappointed if things don’t work out between her and her new love interest. Being on the sidelines, I stand ready to be that shoulder to cry on, but my prayer is that I will be the one who is clapping the loudest as her relationship grows stronger.

I suspect that all of us can look around and identify friends who are enjoying great success in the romance arena. I don’t mean one night stands or sexual drive-bys. Rather, I am talking about people who have crossed the burning sands of loneliness, despair and maybe a moment or two of desperation to finally reach an oasis of romantic bliss. You know how painful their nights of loneliness were. You heard their cries of “Oh Lord, what about me?” You shared their moments of anxiety and sensed their hint of surrender to never finding true love. Knowing what they have gone through; you should celebrate the fact that it looks like they have made it. Praise God and thank Him too for answering their prayers. Be the first to grab the pom-poms to take the lead in cheering from the sidelines.

“Lord, bless my friend’s new relationship and may the smile I see on her face continue to reflect your divine favor. I thank you for hearing her cries and for not holding against her those moments of lost faith. Thanks for allowing me to have something to cheer for from the sidelines.”