Uncashed Checks

Last night, I ran across one of my royalty checks from the sale of my first book that I initially received three months ago. I accidently found it because I was looking for a more recent royalty check. The reason why I had not cashed the older check was because it was so small and because I forgotten that I had it.

Thinking about those two checks led me to think about how we Christian singles leave "spiritual checks" uncashed. We often assume that what God has for us, we are guaranteed to receive. But that is not really true. Sometimes we do not "cash in" on the blessings He wants to grant us. How do we leave God's checks uncashed?

• We allow others to distract us from the blessings God has for us. Those we trust or care about may talk us out of something and we fall for it, hook, line and sinker.
• We choose to listen to our egos instead of the will of God. Some of us are so comfortable with what we THINK we know, that God is wasting His breath when He talks to us. His word just falls on deaf ears.
• We get God's voice mixed up with our own. As we mature, we become comfortable with how things should be or how we will react. For example, if our romantic partner cheats on us, we automatically discard the relationship when it may be God's will that we stay in that relationship. Other examples are when we end platonic friendships rather than try to work things out or when we try to impose our will on other people. Who's in charge here, us or God? Let's learn to discern between our voices and THE voice of God.
• We don't perform the "basic stuff" of Christian walk consistently. We often do not pray or read the Bible or pay our tithes or serve others in the spirit of true humility enough. Thus, we tend to be so consumed with battling "spiritual viruses" that we miss out on the big blessings God has in store for us.
• Sometimes we view the blessings God is offerring us as too small or not worth our effort to "cash" them in. God blesses us with a car, but if it not a Mercedes Benz, we don't want it! Whether we admit it or not, we Christian singles often do that in our family, platonic and/or romantic relationships. Often we spend more time tearing each other down or criticizing each other that it really is a MIRACLE when we form healthy relationships.

There are many more examples, but the point is we have a part to play in this partnership we have with God. Those royalty checks I have not cashed yet have my name on them. But, they do not do me any good if I don't deposit them. The same is true for the many opportunities we squander to be blessed. The more I think aobut it, the crazier it is not to reap the benefits of those checks. Are you being just as crazy by not cashing in on everything that God has signed over to you with your name on it?

Good Singleness, Oh So Good!

In yesterday’s post (See “Bad Singleness, Bad, Bad, Bad” on 11/28/06), I listed some of the things that cause us to have bad days as singles. I ended that post by asking where is God while all of this bad stuff is going on?

Well, where is He?

God is where we are. Many of us are so warped by the pain or disappointment or guilt or shame or anger in our lives that we look for God in the thunder that we hope roars His presence. It is not surprising that we run after the thunder, because it is so impressive. That’s the kind of God we need and want, isn’t it? But God is not “out there” somewhere. Besides, thunder only happens every once in a while. Do we want a God who is here today and gone tomorrow? Thankfully, God is all up in our faces. (See “All Up In Their Faces” on November 27th). He is looking back at us when we see our reflection in the mirror.

So as we understand that God is where we are, we can draw upon His wisdom, His grace, His Sovereignty and His delivering power to help us deal with those dreaded bad days of singleness. God’s proximity to us should affect us in two ways:

1. By understanding that He is near and He is in charge, we can put our bad days in the proper perspective. If we listen to the whispers of God during those times, we may just learn a thing or two. It is always a good thing when we take proper advantage of growth opportunities.
2. When we can view our problems in the proper perspective, we can help others when they are having their bad days. Part of putting our bad days in their proper place is trusting God enough to handle them while we put our attention to helping other singles. Sometimes, the best way to uplift us is to focus on uplifting others.
   

Stop chasing the thunderclouds! God is right here tapping us on our shoulders. He has infused us with the ability to take our lemons and make some lemonade. So during those times of feeling depressed or lonely or ashamed or angry or horny or bitter or confused or victimized, step around the pits of conventional wisdom and the traps of our egos and reach for the sugar of God’s will.

Let the thunder roar and let the lightning flash! Don’t try to put God out there in the raging wind. In the safety and peacefulness of your inner thoughts, that is where He really can be found. When you truly understand that nugget of wisdom, your singleness can be good, oh so good!

Bad Singleness, Bad, Bad, Bad!

Have you ever had one of those days when being single is such a downer? Below are some examples of the "DOWNSIDE" of singleness:

• The holidays are here and you have no significant other to share them with
• The people you find interesting have shown no interest in you
• The people you do not find interesting are the ones showing interest in you
• You seem to have no trouble finding married people who will try to pursue you
• You look around and you see no prospects of ever finding someone to love
• Your heart is so full of love but you cannot find someone worthy enough to share it with
• People who care for you, think they know what you need, but their "help" does not work
• You are horny and you do not see any reasonable prospects of "scratching that itch"
• You are at a point in your life where you want to settle down, get married and have children, but it does not appear like that is going to happen for you
• You have a sense of urgency about new romantic relationships, but your prospective partner does not
• You finally realize that the person you have been giving your heart to has been unfaithful to you repeatedly

In the midst of those days when singleness is bad, oh so bad, we cannot help but wonder, "Where is God?" Tomorrow I will try to address that question.

All Up In Their Faces!!

Christian singles need to be in peoples' faces!

Whether we are talking about family members, platonic friends, romantic partners, co-workers or others we care about, we have to be willing to go beyond the call of duty to be helpful.

• When it comes to bringing people back from the brink of self-destruction, we have to learn to not take no for an answer
• When it comes to loving the most unlovable among us, we have to be stubborn and love them anyhow
• When it comes to refusing to give up on someone who has given up on themselves, we have to repeatedly give them a reason to want to live
• When it comes to expressing Godly love to someone for whom that genuine kind of love is the furthest thing from their mind and heart, we have to love them unconditionally as God has done for us. (Thank God that He stayed all up in our faces!!)
• When it comes to being the ONLY true friend that someone may have, we have to be willing to stand alone for the well-being of that friend

When you have done all you can do, do some more. When you have reached the end of your rope, reach beyond the break. When worldly wisdom says you have done more than enough, look to Godly wisdom to help you keep doing what God wants you to do. When it seems like the only thing left to do is to retreat and let things run their course, resolve to chart a new course for that person in need.

When we love like we should, it should not be about our convenience nor is it about what makes sense to us. There is too much pain, bitterness, depression and defeat out there for us to fall back on "Oh well, at least I have tried." Even when those we try to help pushes us away (for the umpteenth millionth time), for their sakes, get back up all in their face!

Black Friday For Single Christians

Today is what is referred to as "Black Friday". This official first day of the holiday shopping season has earned this nickname because this is the day that many businesses that were operating "in the red" or at a loss, now anticipate operating "in the black" or generating profits.

This day, it is every shopper for themselves. Old ladies will get elbowed, little children will get trampled, women will be shoved and men will be punked, all in the pursuit of a much sought after Christmas gift. I guess Jesus will have to wait until December 25th for us to get into the true spirit of Christmas. Surely we will remember HIM on that day, right?

This can be "Black Friday" for Christian singles too. Many of us have been operating at a deficit when it comes to how we have interacted with others.

• We have not always treated others as we should.
• We have said things we should not have said.
• We have gone places we know we did not have any business going.

But we can begin to start operating "in the black" by rejecting the selfish notion of everything being about us. Rather, let's focus on making everything about the other people in our lives. No more shoving, pushing or elbowing others to get our way. Today, let's take one for the team! Get pushed and elbowed and instead of delivering them. By that I mean, let's go about helping others in the spirit of Godly love, even if it means we have to endure a little pain or rejection. God made the sacrifice on our behalf, now is the time to follow His lead in our relationships with others.

Instead of making this a day where the profits of businesses are increased, let's begin this holiday season by advancing the cause of Christ through our thoughts and actions.

You Better, Me Better

One of the goals I think everyone should have including Christian Singles is to live in such a way that the people we interact are "ENABLED" to be better people.

• We should submit to God's will and be willing to be His instruments of the fulfillment of His will in the lives of others
• We should pray for people we know and love by name and those prayers should relate to their specific circumstances
• We should love others as God loves us. God's love ALWAYS improves us and His love in us should do the same for others.
• We should trust God enough that our focus is on helping others without being distracted by trying to help ourselves. God helps those who help others.
• We should always be willing to put our love into action in a spirit of service. Let's stop expressing fake love and let's start expressing the REAL stuff!

By doing these things, we are positioning others to improve and become better. Forget all of that other stuff we have been taught about the goals of our relationships. If the people we interact with are not better after having been in a relationship with us, then how can we claim to be true children of God?

Holiday Break?

Just in case you didn't know, fat calories do not count during the holidays. So, you can eat, eat and eat some more without worrying about gaining weight or making yourself less healthy.

Here's the bad news. Sin still does count. We do not get any "free passes" on the wrong things we do just because it is the holiday season. Never forget that the things we do can cause people to feel hurt, bitter, angry, scared, ashamed or depressed. So let's be careful about what we say or do out there!

In fact, may I suggest that we try to be even more vigilant about doing the right things during this time of the year?

• Take the time to volunteer one morning or afternoon at The Salvation Army
• Take someone out to lunch or dinner who you know has had a rough time recently
• Put an extra five dollars in the offering basket at least once during the holiday season
• Commit a random act of kindness to someone without expecting anything in return
• Try to restore a relationship that went bad, even if it means you have to apologize for the part you played in its demise
• If you are dating someone, set aside a day where you cater to them and make them feel special

Here's hoping and praying that the calories don't add up and the "sins" don't accumulate during this holiday season.

Ask, Don't Command

Today, let's keep this simple. In our interactions with each other, let's stop demanding so much!! Who died and left us king or queen?

As we relate to our family members, friends, others singles, romantic partners or co-workers, let's concentrate more on how we can help them and less on how they can help us. And when we just HAVE to get a need or desire of ours met; ask, but don't command.

God is the only one who has the right and the ability to command us and even He asks us to follow His will. While we can appreciate a God that does not go around demanding stuff from us, we ought to show this appreciation by doing less commanding and more asking of each other. By staying humble, we make our singleness more enjoyable and stress free.

Is that too much to ASK?

It Ain't Smelly Feet!

We have things so twisted!!

For most of us, serving others is a sign of weaknesses. But we Christian singles are called to a life of service. Jesus gave us the example by washing his disciples' feet. (In those days, washing feet was a nasty job.) But Jesus, the exalted son of God washed his disciples' nasty, smelly feet!!

Who would have thought that being a Christian could be so nasty?

Well, we don't have to LITERALLY wash each others' feet, do we? No, but we should definitely have a spirit of service.

• What's wrong with offering to wash a friend's car while he or she studies for the upcoming exam?
• Wouldn't it be nice to help a friend move into a new house or apartment?
• When was the last time you volunteered to babysit a single mom's children so she could have a few hours to herself?
• Why do we cringe at the thought of fixing a plate of food and bringing it to our romantic partner?

These are examples of how we can serve and help to make other people's lives easier. So Christian singles, today is as good as any day to get out there and serve somebody in the spirit of Godly love. Besides, whatever way you choose to serve others, it can't be as bad as washing somebody's smelly feet!

When Does It Get Better?

We are all a part of something. We are members of families, churches, schools, places of business, social organizations and we are involved in a variety of relationships. God has charged us with making better those things, people and relationships that we are involved with.

When does it get better?

I hope that Christian singles are submitting themselves to the Holy Spirit to the extent that:

• Members of our families are clearer on God’s will for their lives
• Our platonic friends are increasingly becoming more emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy
• Our romantic partners are consistently growing toward their God-ordained potential
• Others in our social and career circles are better off for having us in their lives
  

It is a downright shame that people we know and/or care for are only experiencing positive changes in their lives AFTER we are gone. It is God’s will that we be part of the solutions in the circumstances of others and not part of the problem. God has promised to make things better for all of us. It is our choice as to the role we will play in the fulfillment of this promise. By being faithful to God’s calling in our lives, we single Christians can step forward when the question is asked; “When does it get better?”

Imbalanced

In honor of the new Martin Luther King, Jr Memorial....

I do not know if this is an original quote from Dr. King or if it should be attributed to someone else, but one of the things he said is, "There is some good in the worst of us and some bad in the best of us."

I encourage all Christian singles to make sure their lives are IMBALANCED! How and why?

How

• Acknowledge our imperfections
• Be willing to apologize when you are wrong
• Strive to become a better person
• Be the kind of person who enables others to become better (not by judging, but by example)

Why

• God's desire is that we exhibit more "good" qualities and work on erasing as many "bad" qualities
• Life is much more enjoyable when we are "good" with each other
• We all have enough problems and issues, so why add to them by being "bad"?
• In the short and long-term, we are responsible for the combination of goodness and badness (Is that a real word?)

Being "BALANCED" in the context of the above quote is not a good thing. Instead of leaning toward the "BAD" end of the scale, let's lean, lean, lean more to the other side.

Where Is Your Ripple?

We are all interconnected and that is not by accident. God created us with the capacity to affect and be affected by other people. Every action and each word causes a reaction in others. Sometimes those reactions are so small that they are barely noticeable. Other times, reactions are so large that they are as visible as the sun on a cloudless day. We live in a sea of existence that is constantly stirred by the ripple effects of the things we do and by the words we speak.

For single Christians, we should be mindful of the impact we have on those we interact with. It is not enough to say, “That was not my intention….”. What difference does it make if we do or say things that hurt when that affect was not our goal? The hurt is still there. Hiding behind our seemingly innocent aims is nothing but a weak excuse when the outcome of our behaviors or words bring anger, frustration, bitterness, fear or depression. Our goal should be to make sure our INTENTIONS as well as our WORDS and DEEDS reflect the positive effects of the Holy Spirit working in our lives.

Where is your ripple? I pray that your journey of singleness is one that brings healing not hurt, joy not sadness, light not darkness, growth not decline in the lives of those whose paths you cross.

Stop In The Name Of Love

Every now and then, people will question by what authority we do what we do. For single Christians, the answer should be "LOVE".

Love is the only thing I know of that is all positive. There are no drawbacks to love. However, there are ways we can misuse it, but love in and of itself is all good.

If we acted under the authority of LOVE, we would experience healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

• Family members would get along better
• Platonic friends would develop deeper, more stable friendships
• Romantic partners would experience long-lasting blissful love
• Co-workers would exist in a better work environment

But, we must remember that LOVE does not happen by accident. It requires conscious and dedicated effort and committment. It also means the elevation of the needs of others over our needs. Furthermore, it means placing a higher priority on the building of healthy relationships than on the servicing of our egos and the feeding of our fears. Love is always about somebody or something other than me. (It is always outward flowing, never inward.)

So today, let's live by the spirit behind the phrase "STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE"

The Worst Thing God Can Say To Me

Perhaps it is a testament to my growing relationship with God that I can admit to certain moments of discomfort with some of our interactions. I do not think it is blasphemous to say that there are times when I don't like what God has to say to me.

But as I reflect on who He is and how so unlike Him I am, I can put my "complaints" about the words from God in the proper perspective. God being who He is, shows understanding of my wariness at times and patiently lets me get things off my chest. I believe that since I usually go along with His program and agenda even when I have my reservations, He tolerates my moments of weaknesses. If I were to couple my complaints with disobedience, then I believe He would be less forgiving about my questions.

For me, the worse thing God can tell me is to WAIT. I can handle pretty much everything else, but waiting is a challenge. For you, patience may not be the worst thing God can say, but I suspect there is something you would rather Him not say to you.

As you deal with your "dreaded words from God" and as I deal with mine, let's not forget that usually on the other side of those words is a blessing. Not just for us, but for others we interact with. The more I think about the worst thing God can say to me, I increasingly realize that they are not so bad after all.

The More Important Thing

In our relationships, we often elevate our own views and habits at the expense of others'. We have developed a comfort level of how things "work" and we assume that those we relate to will see it that way too.

• "I may not say it, but you will know I care for you through my actions."
• "I may not show it, but you will know I care for you because I say it."
• "If you are nice to me, then I will be nice to you."
• "If it comes down to choosing between my pride or my relationships with you, I will always choose my pride."
• "Because it makes me vulnerable, I will not tell you how much I care for you. That is something you should just know."
• "If how I feel for you changes, I will not tell you, but you can tell from my actions."

Let's look at God's example. He did not choose His pride over a relationship with us. He not only TELLS us He loves us; He SHOWS it as well. He was willing to come outside of His comfort zone to prove His love for us.

In our relationships, romantic, platonic or otherwise, let's not discard them. Rather, let's do all that we can (and more) to nurture them. Whether we want to admit it or not, it's not about our pride or fears. Moreover, it is not about always being right or our partners always being wrong. None of that stuff really matters. Our relationships are the more important thing.

Guilty of Misquoting God?

Far too often, we have assumed the Bible takes a particular stance on various issues. Homosexuality is a good example of this. Is the Bible really all that clear on whether or not homosexuality is morally wrong?

Many of us have strong opinions when it comes to that issue and I suppose that is our right. But let's make sure we are clear on what the Bible says and that we don't proclaim what we WANT the Bible to say.

On any issue, follow these steps to develop a clear understanding of the Bible's stance:

• Identify the particular scriptures of relevance. (How many times have we said something like, "I don't know where it is in the Bible exactly, but I KNOW it's in there"?)
• Develop a true understanding of what the author of those scriptures was saying. We will often be surprised to find out that what we thought was the main point actually is not.
• Try to understand the context of the scripture as well. Often, we wrongly interpret scripture because we really do not understand the context.
• Acknowledge your biases but try to do your best to set them aside in search for the actual truth in the scripture.
• Even when you are convinced the Bible condemns certain behaviors, always remember that all of us need grace and mercy moreso than we need justice.

The last thing we want to do is distort our spiritual understanding of issues by blatantly misquoting God.

It's Not That Serious!

I am a big football fan. I look forward to Sunday afternoons when I can enjoy a full day of professional football and a plate full of pancakes. That is a "tradition" that I have been following for over 20 years.

Does this mean that I am not available as a friend on Sunday afternoons? Certainly not! While I treasure being able to watch a good grid iron contest (or sometimes it is the television that ends up watching me), I care for you enough as my friend to be there for you when you need me. Even if it is during one of my prized lazy Sunday football afternoons. I am a definitely a fan, but it is not that serious!

It is my prayer that we all will be willing to "sacrifice" some of our much anticipated pleasures to talk with and/or help out others. Football is just a game, but whatever challenges you may be facing on Sunday afternoon, now that is some serious stuff!

My Birthday - Isn't That SPECIAL?

Yesterday, November 3rd was my birthday. So what? Big Deal!

My birthday was special to me, but for most people, November 3rd is just another day. Is there a spiritual lesson we can discover from this? Of course!

God made each of us and that fact alone makes us special. But, as we go about this business of living, we must make a point to elevate the "specialness" of other people. Why? Because God loves us and He does nothing to diminish who we are. Even at the risk of being hurt by our spiritual callousness, God CHOSE to love us. If God is willing to put Himself at risk by loving us, then we should be willing to take on the same risks by loving each other. There are many aspects of Godly love, but the main one for today is the notion of loving others without diminishing them. Often, we have "loved" people with the real motivation behind our so-called love being getting something from them or fulfilling our need for power or dominance or manipulation.

Thinking about my birthday helps me to remember that other people have special days and we all are special in our own God-given ways. Thus, our journey of singleness should focus on affirming the "specialness" of others, since that is what God has done for each of us.

In short, we should treat everyone as if that day is their birthday as a way of recognizing the special qualities God has placed in them.

Halloween Prayers

Halloween is a day that many Christians do not honor nor celebrate. But, as I was thinking about that day, I was moved to make mention of two segments of our society that often goes unnoticed.

SINGLE MOMS - Halloween is a time in which they serve as tailors, drivers, candy bag stuffers, trick or treat greeters, "Mommy, I'm sick from eating all this candy" healers, creative artists while also performing their normal duties as cook, washer, disciplinarian, etc. Let's remember all of the single moms out there everyday, not just on Halloween.

"Lord, remember all of the single moms out there who are carrying the burden of single parenthood without the support (emotional, physical and financial) of their childrens' fathers. Bless them and enable them to keep their head to the sky."

WANNABE MOMS - There are some single women who would love to become mothers. For whatever reason, motherhood has eluded them. Many of them have not given up hope, but they cannot help but wonder if becoming a mother is in the cards for them.

"Lord, bless all of the single women out there who long to become mothers and allow them to grow in their understanding of what your will is for them."