As bad and as tough as we think we are, deep down inside most of us realize that we have moments of weakness. Most of us are vulnerable to something. It could be the smooth talk of someone from the opposite sex. It could be sexy eyes. It could be someone who knows how to dance. Some of us are suckers for who are or appear to be intelligent. On the other hand, our vulnerability may not be in the form of another person. It could be a weakness for shopping or chocolate or eating too much or watching too much television. Maybe it is the inability to pass up so-called good gossip. Sometimes we seemingly just can’t help ourselves in the way we try to intimidate or manipulate or abuse or play mind games with others.
It is easy for me to look at other Christian singles and say my vulnerability is not as bad as theirs. It is easy for other Christian singles to look at my vulnerabilities are much worse than what they struggle with. Guess what? When we maximize the weaknesses of others and minimize our own, we are just spitting in the wind.
And what does that get us? Well, stuff all over our faces!
Let’s accept the reality that we all have stuff we have to struggle against or weaknesses we have to work hard to overcome. Mine is not better than yours and yours is not worse than mine. All of it keeps us from getting as close to God as He would like for us to.
So what is the alternative to spitting in the wind for Christian singles? Good question. Let me know what you think.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
From The Git-Go
Whoa, this singleness trip can be a TRIP! No romantic prospects. Not enough platonic friends. Not even a booty call to say “No” to!! Can somebody at least act like they are interested in me? I mean, what am I, chopped liver?
From the git-go, we get sidetracked by what we feel we are missing. Oftentimes, we waste precious time looking at what we don’t have when we should be using that time to “getting up and go” out there to do something.
From the git-go, we have access to the tools that will enhance our singleness. We don’t ALWAYS have to be depressed or lonely or frustrated or bitter. God has given us the capacity to experience joy, but only if we learn to put Him first.
From the git-go, God should reside at the forefront of our thoughts and actions. That way, we don’t have to put life on pause while we go looking for Him when our singleness takes a bad turn. “Oh, hey loneliness, wait here before you start bringing me down, let me go find God first. I know I put Him around here somewhere.” “Good morning, frustration and bitterness, take a seat while I try to remember where I last placed God.”
From the git-go, we can be the kind of friend to other singles that is consistent with our calling as children of God. “Dear friend, I would love to help you with your problem, but I need to get reconnected to the Divine Father. So if you don’t mind putting your challenges on hold….” “Oh, that is too bad how things are going for you, I know there is an answer to your situation, but my spiritual radar has been running low on charge lately.”
How long will we make things worse for ourselves and for those we interact because we refuse to put God in His rightful place of git-go? Haven’t we shed enough tears and watched other singles cry to know that it does not have to be that way? WAKE UP! (Remember the scene at the end of the movie, "School Daze"?)
“Lord, thank you for being a God that is willing to love us from the git-go. Help us to do the things we can to keep you there. Because if you are in your rightful place, our singleness journey can be transformed into blessedness and we can be positioned to help transform the singleness others in a positive way.”
From the git-go, we get sidetracked by what we feel we are missing. Oftentimes, we waste precious time looking at what we don’t have when we should be using that time to “getting up and go” out there to do something.
From the git-go, we have access to the tools that will enhance our singleness. We don’t ALWAYS have to be depressed or lonely or frustrated or bitter. God has given us the capacity to experience joy, but only if we learn to put Him first.
From the git-go, God should reside at the forefront of our thoughts and actions. That way, we don’t have to put life on pause while we go looking for Him when our singleness takes a bad turn. “Oh, hey loneliness, wait here before you start bringing me down, let me go find God first. I know I put Him around here somewhere.” “Good morning, frustration and bitterness, take a seat while I try to remember where I last placed God.”
From the git-go, we can be the kind of friend to other singles that is consistent with our calling as children of God. “Dear friend, I would love to help you with your problem, but I need to get reconnected to the Divine Father. So if you don’t mind putting your challenges on hold….” “Oh, that is too bad how things are going for you, I know there is an answer to your situation, but my spiritual radar has been running low on charge lately.”
How long will we make things worse for ourselves and for those we interact because we refuse to put God in His rightful place of git-go? Haven’t we shed enough tears and watched other singles cry to know that it does not have to be that way? WAKE UP! (Remember the scene at the end of the movie, "School Daze"?)
“Lord, thank you for being a God that is willing to love us from the git-go. Help us to do the things we can to keep you there. Because if you are in your rightful place, our singleness journey can be transformed into blessedness and we can be positioned to help transform the singleness others in a positive way.”
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Getting It Together
We have all heard the phrase, “I may not be all that I can be, but thank God that I am not what I used to be.” What that statement implies is that we have grown and we are still in the process of growing. In no way should we think that we have arrived and we need to stop giving the impression that we are already there.
As Christian singles, we will worry, become depressed at times, feel horny every now and then, be lonely from time to time and experience doubts on occasion. We may struggle with these things less to the degree we did 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days or 5 months or 5 years ago, but we still have to do battle with them. Guess what? That is okay!
We are in the process of getting it together. Whether we admit it or not, we are not all that God wants us to be and sometimes we “ain’t even feeling that”. God understands and through His grace and mercy, He gives us room to grow. You know how sometimes we will say, “Boys will be boys?”. I think God says of us, “Humans will be humans.”
Why is it important to accept that we are in the process of getting it together and we are not all the way there? First, it allows us the opportunity to not get all “swolled up” with pride that we are perfect. Most of us already know this, but every now and then, we are tempted to feel like it is the rest of the world that is screwed up and not us. Second, it allows us to extend the same measure of grace and mercy to others that God extends to us. If God can put up with us, then we should be able to put up with each other.
Recognizing that we are still in the journey to the land of “Get It Togetherness” does not mean that we can stop looking for opportunities for growth. Also, it does not mean we cease helping others to grow as well. Whatever our faults and weaknesses, we should allow the Holy Spirit to get us MORE together and LESS “un-together”! (Okay, so I made that word up!)
So today, let’s not beat ourselves up if we feel lonely or depressed or horny or fearful or doubtful or anxious in our singleness. Rather, let’s acknowledge it and move on. There is no law that says we have to wallow in our mud holes of negative emotions. Also, today, when we encounter other singles who are experiencing these feelings, let’s not condemn them. Let’s try to find a way to love them in a Godly way through their challenge.
Now that is an interesting thought: Doing things together to help us progress on the path to getting it together .
As Christian singles, we will worry, become depressed at times, feel horny every now and then, be lonely from time to time and experience doubts on occasion. We may struggle with these things less to the degree we did 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days or 5 months or 5 years ago, but we still have to do battle with them. Guess what? That is okay!
We are in the process of getting it together. Whether we admit it or not, we are not all that God wants us to be and sometimes we “ain’t even feeling that”. God understands and through His grace and mercy, He gives us room to grow. You know how sometimes we will say, “Boys will be boys?”. I think God says of us, “Humans will be humans.”
Why is it important to accept that we are in the process of getting it together and we are not all the way there? First, it allows us the opportunity to not get all “swolled up” with pride that we are perfect. Most of us already know this, but every now and then, we are tempted to feel like it is the rest of the world that is screwed up and not us. Second, it allows us to extend the same measure of grace and mercy to others that God extends to us. If God can put up with us, then we should be able to put up with each other.
Recognizing that we are still in the journey to the land of “Get It Togetherness” does not mean that we can stop looking for opportunities for growth. Also, it does not mean we cease helping others to grow as well. Whatever our faults and weaknesses, we should allow the Holy Spirit to get us MORE together and LESS “un-together”! (Okay, so I made that word up!)
So today, let’s not beat ourselves up if we feel lonely or depressed or horny or fearful or doubtful or anxious in our singleness. Rather, let’s acknowledge it and move on. There is no law that says we have to wallow in our mud holes of negative emotions. Also, today, when we encounter other singles who are experiencing these feelings, let’s not condemn them. Let’s try to find a way to love them in a Godly way through their challenge.
Now that is an interesting thought: Doing things together to help us progress on the path to getting it together .
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
A Few Missing Details…..
Yesterday, I asked your advice on a “chance encounter” I had at a restaurant on Saturday. Intentionally, I was short on details because I wanted to see how you would “fill in the blanks”. All of the responses and comments were helpful and constructive as well as quite interesting!
One lesson I want us all to take away from last night’s post and your responses is that we have to be careful how we view events in our lives. I get the sense from my interactions with many Christian singles that “finding a mate” occupies a large part of our thoughts and energies. We often assume when we see a male and a female speaking; that they are somehow romantically involved. Also, we jump to conclusions that people do things or join this auxiliary or sing in the choir or volunteer on that committee to meet people of the opposite sex. I know that many people have made those assumptions about me. They say, “He wrote that book on singleness to meet women” or “He is active with the singles ministry at his church to have access to females” or “He sells African-American art and books to get in contact with available sistahs”. For me, I do the things I do because of my desire to help and to grow, not to enhance my dating opportunities. So, let’s be more conscious of not making the pursuit of romance the FIRST thing we think of.
A second lesson is whenever we give advice; let’s make sure we truly understand the “problem” we are trying to fix. In your comments, some of you asked what I wanted to do and one person asked where does God’s will fit in that situation? I think all of us need to take the time to ask more questions to fully understand what spiritual opportunity is being presented. Oftentimes, we THINK we know the answers to life challenges that people face and we end up giving inappropriate advice.
As I mentioned earlier, I purposely left out a few details. Let me provide them here. First of all, the young lady is a teenager. Secondly, she is a member of the same church where I attend and the conversation we had, while pleasant, was nothing about romance or hooking up or getting together. In my dealings with her and with others, my first thought is not of romance, but of spiritual growth. Remember the earlier posts on “A Different Conversation” (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/08/different-conversation.html) and “In Context” (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/08/in-context.html). This young lady is a child of God and it is my first responsibility to treat her as such. Even if she were closer to my age, I still need to view her as one of God’s creations and interact with her accordingly. Yes, we are tempted to pursue romance when Mr. or Miss Look So Good or Talk So Good or Sing So Good or whatever floats your boat comes along. But is that the FIRST thing that should come to mind as Christian singles?
Sorry to disappoint you, but I appreciate your well wishes concerning my dating life. But as I was talking with the young lady on Saturday, the idea of how we jump the gun for the sake of romance came to mind. Today, my prayer for you is two-fold: 1. May you see people and circumstances as God would have you see them and 2. May your spiritual eye-sight lead you to recognize the blessings that God has, is and will send your way.
One lesson I want us all to take away from last night’s post and your responses is that we have to be careful how we view events in our lives. I get the sense from my interactions with many Christian singles that “finding a mate” occupies a large part of our thoughts and energies. We often assume when we see a male and a female speaking; that they are somehow romantically involved. Also, we jump to conclusions that people do things or join this auxiliary or sing in the choir or volunteer on that committee to meet people of the opposite sex. I know that many people have made those assumptions about me. They say, “He wrote that book on singleness to meet women” or “He is active with the singles ministry at his church to have access to females” or “He sells African-American art and books to get in contact with available sistahs”. For me, I do the things I do because of my desire to help and to grow, not to enhance my dating opportunities. So, let’s be more conscious of not making the pursuit of romance the FIRST thing we think of.
A second lesson is whenever we give advice; let’s make sure we truly understand the “problem” we are trying to fix. In your comments, some of you asked what I wanted to do and one person asked where does God’s will fit in that situation? I think all of us need to take the time to ask more questions to fully understand what spiritual opportunity is being presented. Oftentimes, we THINK we know the answers to life challenges that people face and we end up giving inappropriate advice.
As I mentioned earlier, I purposely left out a few details. Let me provide them here. First of all, the young lady is a teenager. Secondly, she is a member of the same church where I attend and the conversation we had, while pleasant, was nothing about romance or hooking up or getting together. In my dealings with her and with others, my first thought is not of romance, but of spiritual growth. Remember the earlier posts on “A Different Conversation” (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/08/different-conversation.html) and “In Context” (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/08/in-context.html). This young lady is a child of God and it is my first responsibility to treat her as such. Even if she were closer to my age, I still need to view her as one of God’s creations and interact with her accordingly. Yes, we are tempted to pursue romance when Mr. or Miss Look So Good or Talk So Good or Sing So Good or whatever floats your boat comes along. But is that the FIRST thing that should come to mind as Christian singles?
Sorry to disappoint you, but I appreciate your well wishes concerning my dating life. But as I was talking with the young lady on Saturday, the idea of how we jump the gun for the sake of romance came to mind. Today, my prayer for you is two-fold: 1. May you see people and circumstances as God would have you see them and 2. May your spiritual eye-sight lead you to recognize the blessings that God has, is and will send your way.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Chance Encounter
Today, I am asking for some advice. Here’s the situation:
On Saturday, I went to a restaurant to enjoy a late lunch with a book that I am enjoying. As I walked in the door, this young lady who is an employee at the restaurant kept staring at me and then she smiled. I asked her if I looked familiar to her and she replied with a “Yes”. So we engaged in some small talk trying to figure out where she knows me from. All in all, it was an enjoyable experience.
My question is this: Now that I know where she works and we had a pleasant conversation, what should I do next?
Look forward to hearing what advice you have to offer.
On Saturday, I went to a restaurant to enjoy a late lunch with a book that I am enjoying. As I walked in the door, this young lady who is an employee at the restaurant kept staring at me and then she smiled. I asked her if I looked familiar to her and she replied with a “Yes”. So we engaged in some small talk trying to figure out where she knows me from. All in all, it was an enjoyable experience.
My question is this: Now that I know where she works and we had a pleasant conversation, what should I do next?
Look forward to hearing what advice you have to offer.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Who God Speaks To
Have you ever been in a debate and because of the other person’s refusal to see your side, you felt like you were wasting your breath? I wonder how many times God has felt that way about us. Whether He uses the approach of speaking to us through circumstances or other people or if He taps us directly on the shoulder; each of us has been guilty of causing God to waste His breath.
I can you now: “First of all Kevin, I do not get into debates with God and secondly, I do not ignore what He is saying.” I am in no position to dispute your claims. But if not you, recognize that many others do and say things as if God has not ever spoken to them.
It is my hope and prayer that one of the most receptive groups that God speaks to will be Christian singles. Prayerfully, we will heed His words and that will help us to treat others as if they are children of God. (This is the beginning of keeping things in context.) In fact, because of our spiritual attention to God’s voice, we can help to restore hearing to those who cannot or will not hear God speaking to them.
On one level it can be said that God speaks to everyone. His voice is all around us. If we listen with the correct ears, we can sense God’s voice in the majestic slopes of the mountains or the powerful and steady grumblings of the oceans or in the energy zapping heat of the noon day sun. But unfortunately, His voice falls on too many deaf ears. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it; does the falling tree make a sound? So when God speaks to us and we go ahead and do things our way; has His voice really made a sound?
On a more practical level, God speaks to those who can hear Him. In fact, there are those who will say that God has not or cannot speak to them. From a spiritual perspective; their words become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But what about the few that do hear and follow God’s words and hide them in their hearts? Then, BLESSED ASSURANCE, God can become like a chatterbox!
With each decision or action we initiate, we are answering a question that has come to us down through the ages. Many of us would rather debate whether or not God speaks, which is one way to distract the focus away from our duty to listen for the WORD of the Almighty. But I think the ever present and more relevant question that has followed mankind since the beginning is: Does God speak to YOU?
I can you now: “First of all Kevin, I do not get into debates with God and secondly, I do not ignore what He is saying.” I am in no position to dispute your claims. But if not you, recognize that many others do and say things as if God has not ever spoken to them.
It is my hope and prayer that one of the most receptive groups that God speaks to will be Christian singles. Prayerfully, we will heed His words and that will help us to treat others as if they are children of God. (This is the beginning of keeping things in context.) In fact, because of our spiritual attention to God’s voice, we can help to restore hearing to those who cannot or will not hear God speaking to them.
On one level it can be said that God speaks to everyone. His voice is all around us. If we listen with the correct ears, we can sense God’s voice in the majestic slopes of the mountains or the powerful and steady grumblings of the oceans or in the energy zapping heat of the noon day sun. But unfortunately, His voice falls on too many deaf ears. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it; does the falling tree make a sound? So when God speaks to us and we go ahead and do things our way; has His voice really made a sound?
On a more practical level, God speaks to those who can hear Him. In fact, there are those who will say that God has not or cannot speak to them. From a spiritual perspective; their words become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But what about the few that do hear and follow God’s words and hide them in their hearts? Then, BLESSED ASSURANCE, God can become like a chatterbox!
With each decision or action we initiate, we are answering a question that has come to us down through the ages. Many of us would rather debate whether or not God speaks, which is one way to distract the focus away from our duty to listen for the WORD of the Almighty. But I think the ever present and more relevant question that has followed mankind since the beginning is: Does God speak to YOU?
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
How God Speaks
How many times have we missed the messages God was delivering because we did not discern HOW He is speaking to us? Unfortunately, our incorrectly tuned spiritual radar is a significant contributor to the undesirable parts of our singleness. Far too often, we are looking for God on the wrong end of the radio dial!
There is no one way that God speaks to Christian singles. But that is not the problem. However He tries to communicate with us, we can rest assured that His message is meant to get through. The problem is that we try to dictate to God the “HOW” of His transmission and that is way above our pay grade!
God can speak to us through dreams while we sleep or He can contact us when we are wide awake. Sometimes He reaches out to us through others or He bypasses others and taps us directly on our shoulders. Other times, He uses circumstances to get our attention or He hides special meanings just for us in His Word (the Bible) or in a Sunday morning sermon.
Perhaps we waste too much time trying to anticipate how God is going to speak to us today. Our efforts would be better spent focusing on the reality that He has, He is and He will stay in touch with us. Yes, God is speaking, that is reason enough to celebrate! Just as we get excited about getting that phone call or receiving that email from that special someone, we should also get excited knowing that God thinks enough of us to drop us a line.
Let’s stop trying to put God’s words in someone else’s mouth. Our romantic partners or close friends or family members or co-workers are not the ones we should be listening to. It is God; He is the One who words will uplift us. People are liable to say all kinds of things and a lot of it is just “jive talking”. (See Spiritual Jive Talkers Club - http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/06/spiritual-jive-talkers-club.html). But sad to say, we often turn to these same people instead of God to whisper truly sweet NOTHINGS in our ears!
How does God speak to Christian singles? Just when we think we have Him figured out; He uses another approach to contact us. At times, we get so caught up in the game of trying to guess the HOW of God’s communication that we lose sight of the power behind simply realizing that God IS talking. In this case, let’s hate the “game” and love the notion that we serve a gracious God that cares enough about us to SPEAK to us.
Speak Lord, Speak Lord, Speak Lord!
Tomorrow’s Post: Who God Speaks To
There is no one way that God speaks to Christian singles. But that is not the problem. However He tries to communicate with us, we can rest assured that His message is meant to get through. The problem is that we try to dictate to God the “HOW” of His transmission and that is way above our pay grade!
God can speak to us through dreams while we sleep or He can contact us when we are wide awake. Sometimes He reaches out to us through others or He bypasses others and taps us directly on our shoulders. Other times, He uses circumstances to get our attention or He hides special meanings just for us in His Word (the Bible) or in a Sunday morning sermon.
Perhaps we waste too much time trying to anticipate how God is going to speak to us today. Our efforts would be better spent focusing on the reality that He has, He is and He will stay in touch with us. Yes, God is speaking, that is reason enough to celebrate! Just as we get excited about getting that phone call or receiving that email from that special someone, we should also get excited knowing that God thinks enough of us to drop us a line.
Let’s stop trying to put God’s words in someone else’s mouth. Our romantic partners or close friends or family members or co-workers are not the ones we should be listening to. It is God; He is the One who words will uplift us. People are liable to say all kinds of things and a lot of it is just “jive talking”. (See Spiritual Jive Talkers Club - http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/06/spiritual-jive-talkers-club.html). But sad to say, we often turn to these same people instead of God to whisper truly sweet NOTHINGS in our ears!
How does God speak to Christian singles? Just when we think we have Him figured out; He uses another approach to contact us. At times, we get so caught up in the game of trying to guess the HOW of God’s communication that we lose sight of the power behind simply realizing that God IS talking. In this case, let’s hate the “game” and love the notion that we serve a gracious God that cares enough about us to SPEAK to us.
Speak Lord, Speak Lord, Speak Lord!
Tomorrow’s Post: Who God Speaks To
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
When God Speaks
Sometimes, we can be so stubborn!
There are times when we get in one of those “I want things done my way” moods and we refuse to consider other viewpoints. During those periods of “mule-headedness”, we have sex with people we should not, we say things to people we should not say, we allow people to “push our buttons” that we should be able to handle better and we think about things that lead us away from God’ path. It is times like that which cause us to view things out of context.
What happens when we are being stubborn and God is trying to speak to us? I pray that we do not put Him off and tell Him to go bother someone else. I know what you are thinking; “I would never talk that way to God!”. Are you sure about that? How about that time when you doubted that God was going to grant the things you were asking Him for? Or when you stayed up all night worrying about something that you asked God to deliver you from? Or when you went out of your way to reject the guidance of the Holy Spirit so that you could do whatever you felt you were big and bad enough to do?
You may know much better than me, but I can’t tell if the time that God speaks to me is the last time He will speak to me on that particular matter. So, if I don’t heed His voice at that time, maybe I am blocking a blessing He has for me. There you go again! Yes, I know about His grace and mercy, but they are not guaranteed for each and every situation. For example, maybe God has spoken to me about how to advance in my career and if I did not submit to His will, then perhaps He will leave me to lie in the bed I have fixed for myself. That doesn’t mean that He will not extend His grace and mercy to me on other matters, but maybe not on matters relating to my career (in this example.)
So here is what I am going to try to do. When God speaks, I am going to urgently listen to what He has to say and I am going to act as if that is the last time He is going to speak to me on that matter. I am not going to take His grace and mercy for granted. Lord knows I could use a lot of His help to make my singleness journey “more better”! The best chance of improving my lot is to truly listen and get to moving and grooving when God speaks.
Tomorrow's Post: How God Speaks
There are times when we get in one of those “I want things done my way” moods and we refuse to consider other viewpoints. During those periods of “mule-headedness”, we have sex with people we should not, we say things to people we should not say, we allow people to “push our buttons” that we should be able to handle better and we think about things that lead us away from God’ path. It is times like that which cause us to view things out of context.
What happens when we are being stubborn and God is trying to speak to us? I pray that we do not put Him off and tell Him to go bother someone else. I know what you are thinking; “I would never talk that way to God!”. Are you sure about that? How about that time when you doubted that God was going to grant the things you were asking Him for? Or when you stayed up all night worrying about something that you asked God to deliver you from? Or when you went out of your way to reject the guidance of the Holy Spirit so that you could do whatever you felt you were big and bad enough to do?
You may know much better than me, but I can’t tell if the time that God speaks to me is the last time He will speak to me on that particular matter. So, if I don’t heed His voice at that time, maybe I am blocking a blessing He has for me. There you go again! Yes, I know about His grace and mercy, but they are not guaranteed for each and every situation. For example, maybe God has spoken to me about how to advance in my career and if I did not submit to His will, then perhaps He will leave me to lie in the bed I have fixed for myself. That doesn’t mean that He will not extend His grace and mercy to me on other matters, but maybe not on matters relating to my career (in this example.)
So here is what I am going to try to do. When God speaks, I am going to urgently listen to what He has to say and I am going to act as if that is the last time He is going to speak to me on that matter. I am not going to take His grace and mercy for granted. Lord knows I could use a lot of His help to make my singleness journey “more better”! The best chance of improving my lot is to truly listen and get to moving and grooving when God speaks.
Tomorrow's Post: How God Speaks
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Last Week In Review Sunday 8/12/07
On Sunday, I talked about one way we can handle unwanted advances. I also used my episode as a reminder that our desires to be with each other are God given and those desires only affirm God’s intention for us to relate well with each. On Monday, I discussed the fact that all of us are children of God and how that should impact our relationships. On Tuesday, I looked at how we sometimes take things out of context and ways we can put things back “in context” as Christian singles. On Wednesday, the notion of striving to have a different context and how that fits in with our journey of singleness
Below are some comments I have responded to.
“Kevin, all I can say at this point is WOW! I have been there and I still don't think I handled the situation very well; I took the cowardly way out and ignored her advances. That is the way it seems to go for me, I always get attention from the wrong one....” That is one of the most frustrating parts of being single; drawing attention from those people you are not interested in. There are no short and neat solutions to that dilemma. All I can say is we should try to learn from each “unwanted advance”.
“It's your spirit that attracts all kinds to you. You've got that thing.” Thanks, but I suspect that all of us have “that thing”. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we should learn to develop and enhance “that thing”, whatever it is.
“You are quite a special creation (psalm 139) and you should never be surprised when someone finds you attractive male or female.” Thanks again. Actually, I am surprised when anyone finds me attractive, but obviously more so when the person is a male!! But, like I mentioned before, I need to remember that each person is a child of God and that each situation presents learning opportunities.
“When you say context, you are talking about the will of God or our focus for the moment?” For me, “out of context” is anything that is outside God’s will or plan for us. The challenge is to not get “our will” mixed up with God’s will because that will result in us being all twisted up. Then, we will never be able to figure what is “in” or “out” of context. One way we get out of context is when we do not treat others as children of God.
“Your faith walk is on a totally differnt (different) level than mine. I am still climbing that ladder. I know that people have no control over us or me, but they know how to push those buttons and there are times that you just react. Advice?” My faith walk is on a different level than yours because I am different as you are different as the person down the street is different. There are aspects of my spirituality I am stronger at and there are other aspects of your spirituality where you are stronger. When people “push our buttons”, what can we learn from that? Some possible lessons are: Our areas of weaknesses, things we are particularly sensitive to, things we need to work on, the spiritual compatibility of the people we interact with, etc. Often, we find it easier to just react instead of taking a “spiritual breath” and really thinking before we say or do anything.
“Let me see if I get this one, is being "in context" the same as being "in Christ"?” From my understanding, being “in context” is a subset or smaller part of being “in Christ”.
“Okay, this does not mean that every conversation is going to be about the bible or staying in prayer? We Christian singles can have conversations that don't make us seem holier than thou.” Being in context is not about false piety or trying to be holier than thou. Rather, our actions, conversations and thoughts should result in the building of positive relationships, not their destruction. For example, we can talk about the weather or our jobs or our goals or our fears and they do not necessarily lead to the weakening of our bond as platonic friends, romantic partners, co-workers or family. It is not a requirement that Christian singles ONLY talk about the Bible and Christianity. But we are required to interact with others as God would have us to interact and this starts with viewing everyone as a child of God. The question we should constantly ask ourselves is “Is this thought or action or discussion helping or harming my relationship with the other person?”
“Or did I miss the whole meaning of this?” If you think I am saying that we should ONLY talk about praising the Lord or quoting scriptures; then yes, you missed the point. For example, I like watching sports or I like listening to contemporary jazz. Those activities in and of themselves are not harmful to the building of positive relationships. As a Christian single, I can like things in addition to what we might refer to as spiritual stuff. But I just need to make sure that I am uplifting people, not bringing them down.
This Week's Series: God Speaks
Below are some comments I have responded to.
“Kevin, all I can say at this point is WOW! I have been there and I still don't think I handled the situation very well; I took the cowardly way out and ignored her advances. That is the way it seems to go for me, I always get attention from the wrong one....” That is one of the most frustrating parts of being single; drawing attention from those people you are not interested in. There are no short and neat solutions to that dilemma. All I can say is we should try to learn from each “unwanted advance”.
“It's your spirit that attracts all kinds to you. You've got that thing.” Thanks, but I suspect that all of us have “that thing”. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we should learn to develop and enhance “that thing”, whatever it is.
“You are quite a special creation (psalm 139) and you should never be surprised when someone finds you attractive male or female.” Thanks again. Actually, I am surprised when anyone finds me attractive, but obviously more so when the person is a male!! But, like I mentioned before, I need to remember that each person is a child of God and that each situation presents learning opportunities.
“When you say context, you are talking about the will of God or our focus for the moment?” For me, “out of context” is anything that is outside God’s will or plan for us. The challenge is to not get “our will” mixed up with God’s will because that will result in us being all twisted up. Then, we will never be able to figure what is “in” or “out” of context. One way we get out of context is when we do not treat others as children of God.
“Your faith walk is on a totally differnt (different) level than mine. I am still climbing that ladder. I know that people have no control over us or me, but they know how to push those buttons and there are times that you just react. Advice?” My faith walk is on a different level than yours because I am different as you are different as the person down the street is different. There are aspects of my spirituality I am stronger at and there are other aspects of your spirituality where you are stronger. When people “push our buttons”, what can we learn from that? Some possible lessons are: Our areas of weaknesses, things we are particularly sensitive to, things we need to work on, the spiritual compatibility of the people we interact with, etc. Often, we find it easier to just react instead of taking a “spiritual breath” and really thinking before we say or do anything.
“Let me see if I get this one, is being "in context" the same as being "in Christ"?” From my understanding, being “in context” is a subset or smaller part of being “in Christ”.
“Okay, this does not mean that every conversation is going to be about the bible or staying in prayer? We Christian singles can have conversations that don't make us seem holier than thou.” Being in context is not about false piety or trying to be holier than thou. Rather, our actions, conversations and thoughts should result in the building of positive relationships, not their destruction. For example, we can talk about the weather or our jobs or our goals or our fears and they do not necessarily lead to the weakening of our bond as platonic friends, romantic partners, co-workers or family. It is not a requirement that Christian singles ONLY talk about the Bible and Christianity. But we are required to interact with others as God would have us to interact and this starts with viewing everyone as a child of God. The question we should constantly ask ourselves is “Is this thought or action or discussion helping or harming my relationship with the other person?”
“Or did I miss the whole meaning of this?” If you think I am saying that we should ONLY talk about praising the Lord or quoting scriptures; then yes, you missed the point. For example, I like watching sports or I like listening to contemporary jazz. Those activities in and of themselves are not harmful to the building of positive relationships. As a Christian single, I can like things in addition to what we might refer to as spiritual stuff. But I just need to make sure that I am uplifting people, not bringing them down.
This Week's Series: God Speaks
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
A Different Conversation
I wonder how much time we waste talking jive to each other. What constitutes “jive”? In the strictest sense, it is anything that is not reflective of God’s will. If that is too constricting, then “jive” is anything that blocks the building of positive relationships. For example, spreading gossip about someone can be considered “jive” because it tears down trust instead of affirming it. Unwanted advances can be thought of as “jive” when it is accompanied with off-hand and spiritually inappropriate comments. (There is nothing wrong with expressing an interest in someone. But it is wrong to couple that interest with degrading or demeaning suggestions.)
At work, at home, at the gym, in church, at a meeting, on a date; there are so many places that we are having jive conversations. The things we say to each other are way out of context and much of it results in poisoning our relationships. Maybe there is a reason why we spend Friday and Saturday nights alone or we wonder “Who Broke My Phone!”
Fully understanding that conversations flow both ways; we must do what we can to put our discussions back in context. Even when someone comes at us with unwanted advances, we must be mindful of our end of the discussion. Because of our status as Christian singles, we must be the ones to start to have a different conversation.
People can say some mean things at times, but we need to let the Spirit guide the conversation in a different direction. Sometimes we are vulnerable to that special someone who whispers sweet nothings in our ears, but is that the kind of dialog that God wants us to have? Words can hurt, so we should be careful to make sure that what we say is positive and therapeutic. We need to stop using words as weapons of mass destruction just because someone words of hate in our path.
Children of God have a heavy responsibility to steer the flow of words in a different, more spiritual direction. There are some things that children of God should not say to anyone, because everyone is a child of God! We cannot control what others say to us, but we do have the power to watch our own tongues. Instead of falling in line with all the “jive” that is out there, we need to do the world a favor and start promoting a DIFFERENT CONVERSATION.
At work, at home, at the gym, in church, at a meeting, on a date; there are so many places that we are having jive conversations. The things we say to each other are way out of context and much of it results in poisoning our relationships. Maybe there is a reason why we spend Friday and Saturday nights alone or we wonder “Who Broke My Phone!”
Fully understanding that conversations flow both ways; we must do what we can to put our discussions back in context. Even when someone comes at us with unwanted advances, we must be mindful of our end of the discussion. Because of our status as Christian singles, we must be the ones to start to have a different conversation.
People can say some mean things at times, but we need to let the Spirit guide the conversation in a different direction. Sometimes we are vulnerable to that special someone who whispers sweet nothings in our ears, but is that the kind of dialog that God wants us to have? Words can hurt, so we should be careful to make sure that what we say is positive and therapeutic. We need to stop using words as weapons of mass destruction just because someone words of hate in our path.
Children of God have a heavy responsibility to steer the flow of words in a different, more spiritual direction. There are some things that children of God should not say to anyone, because everyone is a child of God! We cannot control what others say to us, but we do have the power to watch our own tongues. Instead of falling in line with all the “jive” that is out there, we need to do the world a favor and start promoting a DIFFERENT CONVERSATION.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
In Context
Do we as Christian singles fully understand what it means to be children of God? I suspect that we sometimes forget that very important fact. How else can we explain the occasional bouts of temporary spiritual insanity where we have sex outside of marriage or we use four-letter words that would shame a sailor or spread that juicy gossip about someone or cheat on our romantic partners or lock up ourselves in our prisons of depression and isolation? This is no way for children of God to act!
So, when someone makes unwanted advances and we treat him or her like they are NOT a child of God or when we allow ourselves to act like we are NOT part of God’s family, we are living a life out of context. But God has given us a way out of the spiritual quandary in which we have placed ourselves. Isn’t God good how He allows us to use the love He has given us in our dealings with each other?
The more “better” we do understand the implications behind being a child of God, the more “better” we can get our life back in context. For example, on Saturday when I was helping my co-worker move, my purpose at that moment was to help out a friend. When I was the target of the unwanted advance; my view was that it was out of context. But, I could have made a strange situation even worse if I did not accept the fact that the other person is a child of God and if I did not accept the same for myself.
That is the challenge before us Christian singles. When life throws things our way that are out of context; it is up to us to allow the Spirit to put things back in context. Yes you are right when you say that it is much easier said than done. But that is part of the reason why many may be called, but few are chosen. We have been chosen and now is the time for us to make a similar choice as we journey through our singleness. We much choose the One who chose us!!
In case you have been nodding and falling asleep; here is the point I am trying to make. Christian singles should strive to keep things in context by not being distracted by events or people that will push us outside the will of God. As we grow in our realization that we and those people we interact with are children of our Heavenly Father; we will have the spiritual tools to “stay the course and keep our minds focused on Him”. (That’s “bible-speak” for keeping our attention on God!)
Tomorrow’s Post - A Different Conversation
So, when someone makes unwanted advances and we treat him or her like they are NOT a child of God or when we allow ourselves to act like we are NOT part of God’s family, we are living a life out of context. But God has given us a way out of the spiritual quandary in which we have placed ourselves. Isn’t God good how He allows us to use the love He has given us in our dealings with each other?
The more “better” we do understand the implications behind being a child of God, the more “better” we can get our life back in context. For example, on Saturday when I was helping my co-worker move, my purpose at that moment was to help out a friend. When I was the target of the unwanted advance; my view was that it was out of context. But, I could have made a strange situation even worse if I did not accept the fact that the other person is a child of God and if I did not accept the same for myself.
That is the challenge before us Christian singles. When life throws things our way that are out of context; it is up to us to allow the Spirit to put things back in context. Yes you are right when you say that it is much easier said than done. But that is part of the reason why many may be called, but few are chosen. We have been chosen and now is the time for us to make a similar choice as we journey through our singleness. We much choose the One who chose us!!
In case you have been nodding and falling asleep; here is the point I am trying to make. Christian singles should strive to keep things in context by not being distracted by events or people that will push us outside the will of God. As we grow in our realization that we and those people we interact with are children of our Heavenly Father; we will have the spiritual tools to “stay the course and keep our minds focused on Him”. (That’s “bible-speak” for keeping our attention on God!)
Tomorrow’s Post - A Different Conversation
Monday, August 06, 2007
A Child Of God
Yesterday, I left off with the surprising fact that the source of my unwanted advance was a male. It perhaps will be anti-climatic to say that I did not over-react or “show out”. Rather, I dealt with that situation in the same way that I try to deal with whatever comes my way.
In our interactions with each other, we should behave like children of God. At times, that is easier said than done, but it still is an expectation our Heavenly Father has of us. When people do things to us that we do not like or that make us feel uncomfortable or that seem to be way out of place; we must remember that they are a child of God.
For the male who made the unwanted advances toward me; the thought that God created him just like He created you and I came to mind. The need to affirm this person’s divinely imputed persona is not because he is gay. Rather, we should view someone as being a creation of God because it presents opportunities to see the hand of God in every situation, whether good or bad.
Often, people tend to react almost violently when a person of the same sex approaches them. But why is that so? Do we throw out our spirituality simply because someone is gay? Perhaps we should stay focused on their divinely ordained humanity instead of their sexual orientation. We should treat the gay person who approaches us in the same manner we treat a heterosexual person who tries to get close to us. Why? Because in both instances, both are children of God.
As we affirm others as being creations of God, we also need to recognize the same about ourselves. There are things that children of God should not do! We need to act like God is our Heavenly Father. Foremost, our actions should be guided by love and not by ego. Our ego opens the door for us to feel hurt. Our ego leads us down the path of "tit for tat" behavior. Our ego will make us “lay our religion down”. But, God’s love in us should help us to do the opposite. God’s love in us should help us to treat others as fellow children of God.
So sorry; no drama here. A gay man made unwanted advances to me and I continued to view him as being one of God’s own. No big deal! Whatever your thoughts about whether or not homosexuality is wrong; please do not lose sight that they are creations of God, just like you and I. No need to shout or twist my neck and go off. In that instance, I saw an opportunity to put the love of God in action.
Isn’t God good how He allows us to use the love He has given us in our dealings with each other? Thank God we are all CHILDREN OF GOD! With that realization, we reduce the chance of seeing things out of context. But more about that tomorrow.
Tomorrow’s Post - In Context
In our interactions with each other, we should behave like children of God. At times, that is easier said than done, but it still is an expectation our Heavenly Father has of us. When people do things to us that we do not like or that make us feel uncomfortable or that seem to be way out of place; we must remember that they are a child of God.
For the male who made the unwanted advances toward me; the thought that God created him just like He created you and I came to mind. The need to affirm this person’s divinely imputed persona is not because he is gay. Rather, we should view someone as being a creation of God because it presents opportunities to see the hand of God in every situation, whether good or bad.
Often, people tend to react almost violently when a person of the same sex approaches them. But why is that so? Do we throw out our spirituality simply because someone is gay? Perhaps we should stay focused on their divinely ordained humanity instead of their sexual orientation. We should treat the gay person who approaches us in the same manner we treat a heterosexual person who tries to get close to us. Why? Because in both instances, both are children of God.
As we affirm others as being creations of God, we also need to recognize the same about ourselves. There are things that children of God should not do! We need to act like God is our Heavenly Father. Foremost, our actions should be guided by love and not by ego. Our ego opens the door for us to feel hurt. Our ego leads us down the path of "tit for tat" behavior. Our ego will make us “lay our religion down”. But, God’s love in us should help us to do the opposite. God’s love in us should help us to treat others as fellow children of God.
So sorry; no drama here. A gay man made unwanted advances to me and I continued to view him as being one of God’s own. No big deal! Whatever your thoughts about whether or not homosexuality is wrong; please do not lose sight that they are creations of God, just like you and I. No need to shout or twist my neck and go off. In that instance, I saw an opportunity to put the love of God in action.
Isn’t God good how He allows us to use the love He has given us in our dealings with each other? Thank God we are all CHILDREN OF GOD! With that realization, we reduce the chance of seeing things out of context. But more about that tomorrow.
Tomorrow’s Post - In Context
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Unwanted Advances
This past Saturday, I volunteered to help a co-worker and her husband to move. If you have ever moved, you know how time-consuming that can be. Having moved several times in my recent past, I kind of had an idea of what was in store. But as it turned out, I did not fully anticipate EVERYTHING that could happen.
In the midst of picking up boxes and loading the U-Haul, I kept encountering this person who kept making what appeared to be suggestive comments. At first, I just played things off because I suspected that I might be over-reacting. But over time, it became very clear that what I thought I was hearing was what I was hearing.
Why share this with you? You may be saying that people get approached everyday and most of those are from people the other person is not interested in. So, get over it Kevin and move on. Guess what, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Me being “hit on” is no big deal, but I do think there are some spiritual lessons we can learn from that.
First of all, God made us so we have to accept that we are one of His conscious creations. That is, He did not make us by mistake. We may be able to control our weight or hair style or to some extent, our health, but we are what we are. And what we are is a purposeful creation of the Grand Creator. So, why wouldn’t another person “hit on” us? If they use the good sense God gave them, they should be trying to get with me or you!! So, lesson one, people approaching us is just an affirmation of the good work God has done. The more we are able to recognize the great handiwork of God’s efforts when He made us, the more we can sincerely try to live up to His expectations of us. God made me so I am not going to succumb to the many distractions that may lead me outside of His will.
Second, when people make advances on others, they are just responding to the divinely instilled desire to interact with people. Out of all the people in the world they could approach, they chose me or you. (True, they may have approached every other person in the vicinity, but still, you were included in the number!) Lesson number two; the desires that God placed in us keeps us in the process of trying to unite with others. There have been times we have thrown up our hands and shouted, “Stop this train (of derailed relationships), I want to get off!!” But then, the next pretty face comes along and here we go hopping back on for another ride. Excuse my grammar but; that ain’t nothing but us affirming the divine statement found in Genesis - “It is not good that (the) man is alone.”
Even in the midst of unwanted advances, if we keep our spiritual eyes focused, we can see the work of God. So what if it is from someone we are not interested in? Maybe the next one will be. Nonetheless, there are lessons to be learned and opportunities for growth with each “Hey, Can I get your phone number?” I have listed two possible lessons, but there are many more. As single Christians, we should take proper advantage of every opportunity, unwanted advances included, to think and act more like God would desire.
Wondering how I dealt with my unwanted advance from Saturday? The answer is implied in the question. Oh, but there is something I forgot to mention. The person making the unwanted advance was a male! More about that tomorrow.
Tomorrow’s Post - A Child of God
In the midst of picking up boxes and loading the U-Haul, I kept encountering this person who kept making what appeared to be suggestive comments. At first, I just played things off because I suspected that I might be over-reacting. But over time, it became very clear that what I thought I was hearing was what I was hearing.
Why share this with you? You may be saying that people get approached everyday and most of those are from people the other person is not interested in. So, get over it Kevin and move on. Guess what, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Me being “hit on” is no big deal, but I do think there are some spiritual lessons we can learn from that.
First of all, God made us so we have to accept that we are one of His conscious creations. That is, He did not make us by mistake. We may be able to control our weight or hair style or to some extent, our health, but we are what we are. And what we are is a purposeful creation of the Grand Creator. So, why wouldn’t another person “hit on” us? If they use the good sense God gave them, they should be trying to get with me or you!! So, lesson one, people approaching us is just an affirmation of the good work God has done. The more we are able to recognize the great handiwork of God’s efforts when He made us, the more we can sincerely try to live up to His expectations of us. God made me so I am not going to succumb to the many distractions that may lead me outside of His will.
Second, when people make advances on others, they are just responding to the divinely instilled desire to interact with people. Out of all the people in the world they could approach, they chose me or you. (True, they may have approached every other person in the vicinity, but still, you were included in the number!) Lesson number two; the desires that God placed in us keeps us in the process of trying to unite with others. There have been times we have thrown up our hands and shouted, “Stop this train (of derailed relationships), I want to get off!!” But then, the next pretty face comes along and here we go hopping back on for another ride. Excuse my grammar but; that ain’t nothing but us affirming the divine statement found in Genesis - “It is not good that (the) man is alone.”
Even in the midst of unwanted advances, if we keep our spiritual eyes focused, we can see the work of God. So what if it is from someone we are not interested in? Maybe the next one will be. Nonetheless, there are lessons to be learned and opportunities for growth with each “Hey, Can I get your phone number?” I have listed two possible lessons, but there are many more. As single Christians, we should take proper advantage of every opportunity, unwanted advances included, to think and act more like God would desire.
Wondering how I dealt with my unwanted advance from Saturday? The answer is implied in the question. Oh, but there is something I forgot to mention. The person making the unwanted advance was a male! More about that tomorrow.
Tomorrow’s Post - A Child of God
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