One of the reasons why I write this blog is to help us all look at our singleness from a spiritual perspective. Often what happens is we resort to cliches instead of delving deeper into God's expectations of us as singles. If not cliches, then we darn near drown ourselves in the sea of false religious piety. Interesting, ain't it?
In a few of my postings, I have suggested specific things we could do differently that might help us start and maintain longer and more fulfilling romantic and platonic relationships. But instead of us being willing to try some new things, most of us have responded with empty excuses and weak cliches. Underlying all of this jive talking is a fear of change and an unwillingness to put our trust in God into action. Interesting, ain't it?
In my posting on March 17th entitled, "Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?", I warned against the dangers of always responding with "yes, but".
(See http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/03/have-you-lost-that-loving-feeling.html)
When we should be looking at ways to reach more people and to establish more relationships that are healthy and life-affirming, most of us would rather weakly respond, "I can't or I won't do that". Interesting, ain't it?
And then we get to Shenequa getting married. Instead of looking to her to help us, we blow it off by saying that Shenequa is settling. Really? It looks like Shenequa has put into action her faith in God and we are the one who are settling. We are the ones who won't make that call or send that email or respond with a smile. We are the ones who will be watching tv on Friday night while Shenequa will be enjoying time with her fiance or husband. We are the ones who keep trying to convince ourselves that God must have His hands in our state of being without a romantic partner. We are the ones who are blindly hoping that God must have a reason why don't have a wedding date. Shenequa is settling? No, the truth of the matter is WE are the ones who are settling and we are doing it by hiding behind excuses, cliches and false proclamations of religious piety. Interesting, ain't it?
As I approach 2008, I know I need to change or I will get the same results. I know I must be willing to put my spiritual muscles to work if I am going to enhance my life with healthy life-affirming relationships. I understand that God has not called me to whine and settle for less than what He has ordained for me. I realize that instead of criticizing Shenequa, I should be thanking her for setting the example. Interesting, ain't it?
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
To Dream The Possible Dream
When it comes to dreams, the first thing we need to acknowledge is that they originate with God. In our younger days, our dreams were a way of giving shape to our destiny, our future. At that innocent age, the particulars of the dreams was not as important as the budding passion that were going to drive us toward our potential.
So our lives will turn out differently from what we dream, that is true. But the direction should not. We may not be the lawyer or doctor or professional dancer or football player that we aspired to in our youth. But we should be doing something that leaves a legacy and moves our family and friends forward. Sometimes we foolishly say, “If I can help one person along the way, then my life would not have been in vain.” But the spiritual truth is that God is expecting us to touch many lives in so many positive ways. Why are you willing to help only one when God says you can help so many more?
To dream the possible dream is to allow God to point you in the right direction. When we truly allow that to happen, we may end up becoming something we had no intention of becoming. Maybe a “numbers person” becomes an artist. Maybe a “clumsy teenager” becomes an aerobics instructor. Maybe a high school graduate eventually becomes a college professor. But whatever it is that God is calling you to; make sure you do it well. The key thing is to do well what God calls you to, not what you settle for.
For most of us, God calls us to multiple roles. A trusted friend, a husband or wife, a supervisor or employee, a business owner, a church member and the list goes on. Only you CAN know the roles God is calling you to, but often we ACT like we really don’t know. Just because we deny them, doesn’t mean the calling is not there.
To dream the possible dream is to accept that divine fact that God knows you are capable of. Marriage? Even though your marriage ended; that doesn’t mean that God is not still calling you to be happily married. Success? Even though it seems everything you have taken on has fallen apart; it doesn’t mean that you are not destined for great things. Legacy? Even though it seems you have no particular talents, it doesn’t mean that you are not being called to make this world a better place. How often have we held ourselves hostage to our past disappointments and shortcomings and denied ourselves the chance to realize God’s ordained future?
When you read this post, don’t look at the specific examples and say “Aha, that doesn’t apply to me.” Rather, examine your life and try to identify the specific roles that God is still calling you to. Be open to becoming something you may have not thought was in the cards. Don’t accept less than what God is expecting for you and say, “This is good enough for me.” Don’t make excuses for life not turning out the way YOU thought it would and do dare to dream the POSSIBLE dream.
So our lives will turn out differently from what we dream, that is true. But the direction should not. We may not be the lawyer or doctor or professional dancer or football player that we aspired to in our youth. But we should be doing something that leaves a legacy and moves our family and friends forward. Sometimes we foolishly say, “If I can help one person along the way, then my life would not have been in vain.” But the spiritual truth is that God is expecting us to touch many lives in so many positive ways. Why are you willing to help only one when God says you can help so many more?
To dream the possible dream is to allow God to point you in the right direction. When we truly allow that to happen, we may end up becoming something we had no intention of becoming. Maybe a “numbers person” becomes an artist. Maybe a “clumsy teenager” becomes an aerobics instructor. Maybe a high school graduate eventually becomes a college professor. But whatever it is that God is calling you to; make sure you do it well. The key thing is to do well what God calls you to, not what you settle for.
For most of us, God calls us to multiple roles. A trusted friend, a husband or wife, a supervisor or employee, a business owner, a church member and the list goes on. Only you CAN know the roles God is calling you to, but often we ACT like we really don’t know. Just because we deny them, doesn’t mean the calling is not there.
To dream the possible dream is to accept that divine fact that God knows you are capable of. Marriage? Even though your marriage ended; that doesn’t mean that God is not still calling you to be happily married. Success? Even though it seems everything you have taken on has fallen apart; it doesn’t mean that you are not destined for great things. Legacy? Even though it seems you have no particular talents, it doesn’t mean that you are not being called to make this world a better place. How often have we held ourselves hostage to our past disappointments and shortcomings and denied ourselves the chance to realize God’s ordained future?
When you read this post, don’t look at the specific examples and say “Aha, that doesn’t apply to me.” Rather, examine your life and try to identify the specific roles that God is still calling you to. Be open to becoming something you may have not thought was in the cards. Don’t accept less than what God is expecting for you and say, “This is good enough for me.” Don’t make excuses for life not turning out the way YOU thought it would and do dare to dream the POSSIBLE dream.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Bamboozled, Tricked and Punked
How many times have we declared our dreams and hopes and then when no one is looking, we wondered why the words we spoke are so different from what is really in our hearts? I can hear you responding, “No, Kevin. I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Oh really? So you always wanted to be:
Oh really? So you always wanted to be:
- A single mom with the father of your children being a no-show in their lives.
- An underpaid, overworked employee at a company that is liable to lay you off at any moment.
- A divorced person who has seen more birthdays, Christmas holidays and New Year’s celebrations as a single-again person than you did as part of a marriage partnership.
- A person who is working in a field totally unrelated to your academic training.
- Someone with no romantic partner and few friends which leaves you to spend holidays and other special days alone.
These and other points highlight the differences between what we have dreamed and what we have actually become. Very few of us dreamed of becoming a single parent or an underpaid worker or a divorcee or a long-term single-again person. Most of us still harbor the sometimes desperate hope that tomorrow will be better than today even though today is just like so many of our yesterdays. When will the madness end?
We have bamboozled, tricked and punked and we are the chief trickster!
What a crying shame it is for single Christians to lay claim to dreams by default instead of daring to dream what may appear to be the impossible dream.
- I am okay with not ever getting married.
- It’s alright if I never find true love.
- All I need is some mind-blowing sex every now and then and I’ll be fine.
- I don’t need to go through the trouble of starting new relationships; I like things the way they are now.
- Why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free? It can’t get any better than that, can it?
Psst. Come closer, I have a secret to share with you. A little closer. You are almost there. Here it is…… You have bamboozled, tricked and punked and you are the chief trickster!
You have allowed yourself to settle for less than what God is trying to give you and you have the audacity to say you are fine with that? Instead of giving in to your feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, step up and boldly lay claim to the dreams that God whispered in your ear years ago when you were younger and less tainted by the harshness of the world. Stop being a victim of an unspiritual drive-by and stop being the butt-end of satan’s jokes. The dreams you proclaim are the gateway to your legacy and destiny. So when you lean lean lean more to the devil’s side than to God’s side, you are selling yourself way short.
Tomorrow’s Post: To Dream The Possible Dream
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Dreams Out The Back Door
It is an unfortunate fact of life that we often do not literally mean what we say. This is particularly true when we speak of our dreams. To people listening to our words, it may appear that we are definitive in the declaration of what we want or hope for. But most of us are looking over our shoulders because we are afraid that others may uncover the true intentions behind our words.
It is indeed a sad life when we allow our dreams to slip out the back door.
It is one thing for us pursue our dreams and fall short of them. At least we can assert that we tried and that perhaps it was not meant to be. However, when we forget to lock the back door and we never have a chance to pursue “the what might have been scenarios” in our lives, we miss out on the thrill of the chase which invigorates us and adds excitement to our respective journeys.
But noooo, we spent so much time putting double locks on the front doors to salvage our pride and feed our fears, that we left the entrances to our sense of purpose undefended. In the panic of appearing to be stronger than we really are and to perpetrate the lie that we got it going on, our dreams escaped to anyplace but here in our hearts and minds. That’s what happens when we pay more attention to our fears and pride than to our divine sense of destiny; prison bars that try to hold our dreams hostage only end up giving them an incentive to break free.
It is indeed a sad life when we allow our dreams to slip out the back door.
You do not have to possess a particular skill in dream interpretation to accept that our dreams are divine whispers into our consciousness to move us toward our destiny. But so many Christian singles have had those divine whispers shouted down by those voices in our heads that suggest we are not good enough or capable or ready to achieve what our minds have conceived. Like Peter who stood in the middle of the boisterous sea and who paid more attention to the rocky seas than to the miracle God was demonstrating, we were ready to press the panic button. In a sense, our almost drowning experience in a sea of doubts and feelings of inadequacy became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each time we darn near killed ourselves by succumbing to those negative emotions, we opened the back door a little wider for our dreams to slip, slide away.
Tomorrow: Bamboozled, Tricked and Punked
It is indeed a sad life when we allow our dreams to slip out the back door.
It is one thing for us pursue our dreams and fall short of them. At least we can assert that we tried and that perhaps it was not meant to be. However, when we forget to lock the back door and we never have a chance to pursue “the what might have been scenarios” in our lives, we miss out on the thrill of the chase which invigorates us and adds excitement to our respective journeys.
But noooo, we spent so much time putting double locks on the front doors to salvage our pride and feed our fears, that we left the entrances to our sense of purpose undefended. In the panic of appearing to be stronger than we really are and to perpetrate the lie that we got it going on, our dreams escaped to anyplace but here in our hearts and minds. That’s what happens when we pay more attention to our fears and pride than to our divine sense of destiny; prison bars that try to hold our dreams hostage only end up giving them an incentive to break free.
It is indeed a sad life when we allow our dreams to slip out the back door.
You do not have to possess a particular skill in dream interpretation to accept that our dreams are divine whispers into our consciousness to move us toward our destiny. But so many Christian singles have had those divine whispers shouted down by those voices in our heads that suggest we are not good enough or capable or ready to achieve what our minds have conceived. Like Peter who stood in the middle of the boisterous sea and who paid more attention to the rocky seas than to the miracle God was demonstrating, we were ready to press the panic button. In a sense, our almost drowning experience in a sea of doubts and feelings of inadequacy became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Each time we darn near killed ourselves by succumbing to those negative emotions, we opened the back door a little wider for our dreams to slip, slide away.
Tomorrow: Bamboozled, Tricked and Punked
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Shenequa is Getting Married!
Over the past 6months, I have had three friends get married and two have become engaged. That’s 10 people that have made it to where I want to someday go. Knowing what a struggle dating and sustaining a healthy romantic relationship can be, I praise God that He is still favoring singles with the blessing of marriage.
Have you ever wondered why her and not you? What’s Shenequa got that you don’t have? Well, I suspect this is what separates Shenequa from all of you who want to get married, but so far haven’t find the “right one”:
Have you ever wondered why her and not you? What’s Shenequa got that you don’t have? Well, I suspect this is what separates Shenequa from all of you who want to get married, but so far haven’t find the “right one”:
- Shenequa didn’t talk herself out of getting involved in a new relationship by thinking and acting on the notion that all men are after one thing. Shenequa’s fiancé or husband may indeed have been after “one thing”, but somehow that was transformed into an engagement or marriage.
- Shenequa didn’t settle for the same ole, same ole. While it may have been safer to sit at home on Friday night and not risk getting her heart broken, she chose to go to the movies or out to dinner with the guy.
- Shenequa didn’t lose her trust in God that He will protect her heart and that He will send a future husband to her. Many of us talk about trusting God, but then we turn that into a lie when we are not willing to step out on faith in our interactions with new people in our lives.
- Shenequa was willing to do something different. Maybe she made the first call or maybe she sent an email that she normally would not send. Maybe she apologized even though it might make her appear to be weak. Maybe she cooked him dinner even though she really doesn’t like to cook or she doesn’t want to be expected to cook all of the time.
- Shenequa was willing to take a risk. Yes, he could have been a playa just waiting for an opportunity to break her heart. Yes, he could have been an ax murderer looking for his next victim. But, Shenequa put her trust in God to the test and was willing to rely on her spiritual gift of discretion to take a risk on the man who ended up becoming her fiancé or husband.
- Shenequa did not follow bad advice that people, even those with good intentions, often give. So what if he didn’t call when he was supposed to? So what if he has baby mama drama to deal with? So what if he doesn’t make more money than she does. So what if she has to pay for their outings every now and then? If she had a problem with her man, she went to HIM and then to him.
- In summary, Shenequa did what she had to do without losing her self-respect and without jeopardizing her spiritual health.
There are probably many more things that Shenequa did that so far, you are not willing to do. Thank God that Shenequa made it through the sometimes treacherous jungle of singleness. Praise HIM and the next time you see Shenequa, ask her what she has that you do not.
A quick note: Most, if not all of my readers are female. So this post was written to women. Before you say it, let me remind you that Shenequa could not control what her future fiancé or husband did, so you should not try to use that as an excuse either.
Okay, let me have it!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
The List
In the movie, Why Did I Get Married, Patricia (played by Janet Jackson) advised her friends to write a list of the good and the bad things that their husbands have done. Her suggestion was that if the bad list outnumbered the good, then “let him go”. But if the good outnumbered the bad, then hold on to him.
Yes, I know it is only a movie and “it is not real”, but I think a comment is warranted.
First of all, making a list is okay, but we need to be mindful of several things:
- That list is subject to change
- What is “good” and what is “bad” is subject to interpretation and mistakes can be made.
- At a given point in time, we may not remember all of the good or bad a person has done.
- So it may not be appropriate to base the continuation or ending of a relationship on a list written at a particular time.
I think the list gives the wrong impression. It assumes equal weight between good and bad acts. In truth, I believe “good” acts should carry more weight than “bad” acts. Also, the list reduces the relationship to a mathematical equation and doesn’t take into account one’s spiritual and emotional maturity.
But if you notice in the movie, the woman who played the wife of Tyler Perry’s character was in the car working on a list that seemed to be only on one side. Was that the good side or the bad side. I think that really doesn’t matter. The real value of doing a list is not in adding up the number of good and bad deeds. Rather, the value is found in the act of thinking about the relationship.
Often when we think of past relationships (or current ones), we may remember the bad things, but the good things seem to stick in our minds more. Yes, he doesn’t always call when he says he will. Yes, she may not be the most romantic person in the world. But we still can’t shake that loving feeling.
So, make those lists if you must, but don’t get caught up in a numbers game. Emotions are not the same as cold calculating rationale. There may be a million reasons why you should not be in a relationship, but love (especially Godly love) can outweigh them all. God had those million reasons to kick us to the curb, but He chose love over justice. Maybe it’s time we do the same with those special people in our lives.
Friday, December 21, 2007
What I Miss
Maybe I'm watching too much tv or reading too many books, but they all seem to remind me of my truly single status. What does "truly single" mean? It means that not only am I unmarried, I am also not seeing or dating someone.
You want to know one of the things I really miss when I am truly single? The closeness. I miss having my face mere inches from her face, our noses almost touching. I feel her breath in my face and I can almost see the words as they float out of her mouth. Being that close may mean we will kiss or it may not. Just being able to be that close with someone I am attracted to and also she doesn't mind me being all up in her face. Remember what it's like to be close enough to someone that you feel their heart beat or you can sense their slightest movement? Our eyelashes compete for limited space as we look into each other's eyes and the world seems to no longer exist. Wow, it really doesn't get any better than that!
Usually at this point in a post, I try to link what I've said to a spiritual lesson or point. Well not tonight! Sometimes we just need to acknowledge what we are feeling whether it is "spiritual" or not. Often when we are honest with ourselves and we stop hiding behind our false sense of piety, we will find that owning up to our true feelings can indeed have a spiritual benefit. Well looka there, I found a way to slip in something spiritual anyhow!
You want to know one of the things I really miss when I am truly single? The closeness. I miss having my face mere inches from her face, our noses almost touching. I feel her breath in my face and I can almost see the words as they float out of her mouth. Being that close may mean we will kiss or it may not. Just being able to be that close with someone I am attracted to and also she doesn't mind me being all up in her face. Remember what it's like to be close enough to someone that you feel their heart beat or you can sense their slightest movement? Our eyelashes compete for limited space as we look into each other's eyes and the world seems to no longer exist. Wow, it really doesn't get any better than that!
Usually at this point in a post, I try to link what I've said to a spiritual lesson or point. Well not tonight! Sometimes we just need to acknowledge what we are feeling whether it is "spiritual" or not. Often when we are honest with ourselves and we stop hiding behind our false sense of piety, we will find that owning up to our true feelings can indeed have a spiritual benefit. Well looka there, I found a way to slip in something spiritual anyhow!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Divine Falsehoods
The promise of redemption is something that all Christian singles should not only hope for, but also expect. Consider it one of the benefits of membership in the Christianity Club. Now this is no exclusive club, mind you, but there are certain requirements to get in. The main requirement is to confess our sins and acknowledge Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Sounds easy, but we have a tendency to make it more difficult than it has to be.
As a member of this club, we live by the code sometimes referred to as The Divine Promises. Unfortunately, many of us have turned those codes into Divine Falsehoods. God says He will keep us from falling, but we insist on being another one that bites the dust. He says He will never forsake us, but we keep whining about the fact that we are so, so alone. He says His love can not only redeem us from our persistent stubbornness, but He can also transform others. But we want to hoard salvation for ourselves and leave those we consider unworthy to fend for themselves.
“Thank you Lord for saving me, but don’t even bother with my boss who gets on my nerves or my ex-romantic partner who broke my heart or my neighbor whose dog keeps leaving unwanted deposits on my flowers. Your grace is sufficient for me, but not even YOU can redeem them!”
Who are we to pick and choose who God saves? If He can take the time to pick us up from the depths of mess we put ourselves in, I KNOW He can save those we may view as unworthy of His redemptive power. So yes, that co-worker who keeps taking your parking space or that boyfriend who won’t stop spreading his wild oats can be changed in miraculous ways. We may not want to help our ex-wives who have turned out to be horrible mothers or that sibling who has been a thorn in our side since our childhood or that friend who still hasn’t paid back that money you lent him. But God does! That’s a blessed PROMISE, not a lie!
When we pick and choose who we want to be redeemed by God and we defiantly say that if they are going to be saved, it will not be through our efforts, we are advertising that God’s promises are in fact Divine Falsehoods. Christian singles should be in the business of letting God use them as instruments of redemption. That’s one of the requirements of being a good member in standing at the Christianity Club.
Remember, it’s the devil who is a liar, not our God!
As a member of this club, we live by the code sometimes referred to as The Divine Promises. Unfortunately, many of us have turned those codes into Divine Falsehoods. God says He will keep us from falling, but we insist on being another one that bites the dust. He says He will never forsake us, but we keep whining about the fact that we are so, so alone. He says His love can not only redeem us from our persistent stubbornness, but He can also transform others. But we want to hoard salvation for ourselves and leave those we consider unworthy to fend for themselves.
“Thank you Lord for saving me, but don’t even bother with my boss who gets on my nerves or my ex-romantic partner who broke my heart or my neighbor whose dog keeps leaving unwanted deposits on my flowers. Your grace is sufficient for me, but not even YOU can redeem them!”
Who are we to pick and choose who God saves? If He can take the time to pick us up from the depths of mess we put ourselves in, I KNOW He can save those we may view as unworthy of His redemptive power. So yes, that co-worker who keeps taking your parking space or that boyfriend who won’t stop spreading his wild oats can be changed in miraculous ways. We may not want to help our ex-wives who have turned out to be horrible mothers or that sibling who has been a thorn in our side since our childhood or that friend who still hasn’t paid back that money you lent him. But God does! That’s a blessed PROMISE, not a lie!
When we pick and choose who we want to be redeemed by God and we defiantly say that if they are going to be saved, it will not be through our efforts, we are advertising that God’s promises are in fact Divine Falsehoods. Christian singles should be in the business of letting God use them as instruments of redemption. That’s one of the requirements of being a good member in standing at the Christianity Club.
Remember, it’s the devil who is a liar, not our God!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Is God A Liar?
Okay, we all know what the answer to that question SHOULD be. But what do our relationships say about the truthfulness and dependability of God? Bottom line, it really isn’t God’s honesty that is in question. Rather, it is our understanding and faith in His Word that needs to be examined.
It is very easy for us to fall back on habits, most of them bad, when it comes to our relationships. If you don’t speak to me, then I won’t speak to you. If you are mean to me, then I will be mean to you. If you hurt me, I will try to hurt you back. Instead of taking the high road and apologizing even though “technically” it was not your fault, we stubbornly refuse to let anyone “get over” on us. Many of us would rather see a relationship that once was good deteriorate into a relationship that is now bad. Far too often, we let our hurts and bitterness and pride keep us from making the first move to restore a once treasured relationship.
If all of this is true, then what did Jesus die on the cross for? When we have so many relationships that are unfulfilling or annoying or reactionary, then we are in essence calling God a liar!
Most of us are “smart” enough to level that accusation behind His back. We ain’t crazy enough to say it to His face! But the truth of the matter is, the way we conduct ourselves in our interactions with others hints at our doubts in the redeeming power of the God we serve.
I encourage all of us Christian singles to do the little and the big things to develop and sustain more relationships that are positive. This means we have to be willing to forgive even when the other person shows no interest in being forgiven. We have to love people even more intensely when they are at their most unlovable. We should be willing to risk being humiliated or talked about or rejected because of our attempts to make a new friend or reunite with an old one. Sending that email may not be your thing, so pick up the phone. Taking someone out to dinner may not be possible, but buying a card expressing positive thoughts is something most of us can afford. Turning the cheek and learning to count to seventy times seven may be a bit much, but we can learn to be more patient and more forgiving in our relationships. Doing “this” may not be what you want to do, so consider doing “that”.
As we approach the end of one year and the beginning of another; I pray that we will turn from our ways that imply that God’s desire to keep us from falling is just another empty promise.
It is very easy for us to fall back on habits, most of them bad, when it comes to our relationships. If you don’t speak to me, then I won’t speak to you. If you are mean to me, then I will be mean to you. If you hurt me, I will try to hurt you back. Instead of taking the high road and apologizing even though “technically” it was not your fault, we stubbornly refuse to let anyone “get over” on us. Many of us would rather see a relationship that once was good deteriorate into a relationship that is now bad. Far too often, we let our hurts and bitterness and pride keep us from making the first move to restore a once treasured relationship.
If all of this is true, then what did Jesus die on the cross for? When we have so many relationships that are unfulfilling or annoying or reactionary, then we are in essence calling God a liar!
Most of us are “smart” enough to level that accusation behind His back. We ain’t crazy enough to say it to His face! But the truth of the matter is, the way we conduct ourselves in our interactions with others hints at our doubts in the redeeming power of the God we serve.
I encourage all of us Christian singles to do the little and the big things to develop and sustain more relationships that are positive. This means we have to be willing to forgive even when the other person shows no interest in being forgiven. We have to love people even more intensely when they are at their most unlovable. We should be willing to risk being humiliated or talked about or rejected because of our attempts to make a new friend or reunite with an old one. Sending that email may not be your thing, so pick up the phone. Taking someone out to dinner may not be possible, but buying a card expressing positive thoughts is something most of us can afford. Turning the cheek and learning to count to seventy times seven may be a bit much, but we can learn to be more patient and more forgiving in our relationships. Doing “this” may not be what you want to do, so consider doing “that”.
As we approach the end of one year and the beginning of another; I pray that we will turn from our ways that imply that God’s desire to keep us from falling is just another empty promise.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Same Ole, Same Ole
We may wonder why even bother with trying to establish new relationships or resurrect old ones? Our lives may not be perfect, but we have learned to live with the challenges we have. So what if I never find true love? Who cares if I only have a few friends that I can truly count on? What’s the big deal if I never speak to that ex-friend or ex-romantic partner who callously ended our relationship?
That same ole, same ole relationship is looking good right now, isn’t it?
Let’s look at a hypothetical example. Suppose I dated a lady and it seemed like we were really into each other. Then she cheated on me with my best friend and showed no remorse when I confronted her. To make things worse, suppose she left me to continue her relationship with my friend and made no effort to restore our relationship.
In that example, it is obvious that I have a negative relationship with her after all that we have gone through. But, I have a choice as to how I deal with my relationship with her. I can leave things as they are. Or I can try to re-establish some kind of a positive connection. (Not necessarily a romantic relationship, but at least one where we can be genuinely civil to each other.) As a Christian single, I should not settle for the same ole, same ole. I may not ever have her as a girl friend, but I can try to have her as a platonic friend.
I can hear you saying that I cannot control the ex-girlfriend. If she does not want to re-establish a positive connection with me, then there is nothing I can do. But is that really true? I can try and that is where my responsibility lies.
Why would I even bother to become friends with someone who blatantly broke my heart? Because I do not want to be the one to call the redemptive power of Godly love a lie! Jesus died on the cross to save us and to offer us an alternative to our sinful nature. God redeemed me (and all of you). Can His love redeem people like the ex-girlfriend in this example? Am I or are you willing to be the instrument God uses to transform our relationships from the same ole, same ole?
Now take the above example and apply it to your own situations. Maybe it is not an ex romantic partner, but maybe it is a family member with whom you have stopped speaking. Or perhaps your same ole, same ole is the possibility of a new romantic relationship that you are not willing to be open to. Or maybe it is a co-worker who is a specialist in working your last nerve. The possible examples of same ole, same ole are endless!
Why send that email or call that person or say hello to that person in the grocery store who spoke to you or contact that person to ask for forgiveness or buy dinner for someone who you know is having a hard time? Because that may an opportunity provided by the Divine to break out of the same ole, same ole rut.
That same ole, same ole relationship is looking good right now, isn’t it?
Let’s look at a hypothetical example. Suppose I dated a lady and it seemed like we were really into each other. Then she cheated on me with my best friend and showed no remorse when I confronted her. To make things worse, suppose she left me to continue her relationship with my friend and made no effort to restore our relationship.
In that example, it is obvious that I have a negative relationship with her after all that we have gone through. But, I have a choice as to how I deal with my relationship with her. I can leave things as they are. Or I can try to re-establish some kind of a positive connection. (Not necessarily a romantic relationship, but at least one where we can be genuinely civil to each other.) As a Christian single, I should not settle for the same ole, same ole. I may not ever have her as a girl friend, but I can try to have her as a platonic friend.
I can hear you saying that I cannot control the ex-girlfriend. If she does not want to re-establish a positive connection with me, then there is nothing I can do. But is that really true? I can try and that is where my responsibility lies.
Why would I even bother to become friends with someone who blatantly broke my heart? Because I do not want to be the one to call the redemptive power of Godly love a lie! Jesus died on the cross to save us and to offer us an alternative to our sinful nature. God redeemed me (and all of you). Can His love redeem people like the ex-girlfriend in this example? Am I or are you willing to be the instrument God uses to transform our relationships from the same ole, same ole?
Now take the above example and apply it to your own situations. Maybe it is not an ex romantic partner, but maybe it is a family member with whom you have stopped speaking. Or perhaps your same ole, same ole is the possibility of a new romantic relationship that you are not willing to be open to. Or maybe it is a co-worker who is a specialist in working your last nerve. The possible examples of same ole, same ole are endless!
Why send that email or call that person or say hello to that person in the grocery store who spoke to you or contact that person to ask for forgiveness or buy dinner for someone who you know is having a hard time? Because that may an opportunity provided by the Divine to break out of the same ole, same ole rut.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Shattered Glass
I was watching a television show and that particular episode’s topic was interesting. It started with one of the friends bringing his new girlfriend to a gathering where his other friends hung out. Later on, when he asked his friends what they thought of his new romantic partner, they were initially reluctant to tell him. They did not want him to lose the luster of new romance that comes with the early stages of dating someone. Eventually they told him that she was okay, but that she talked too much. At that point, you could hear glass shattering as the new boyfriend began to recognize this annoying habit the other friends noticed about his new love interest. From that point on, every time he was with his girlfriend, he could not help but see how she indeed did talk too much.
Have you ever had the glass shattered in any of your relationships, either platonic or romantic? Somewhere down the road you recognize that he doesn’t wash his hands after using the restroom or she always talks about her ex-boyfriends. Or she plays the music in the car too loud or he always chews with his mouth open. Bad habits. We all have them and yes, some are worse than others. When we first start that new friendship or romantic relationship, we often don’t notice those bad habits that will later get on our nerves.
But then, the glass shatters and it seems like the bad habit keeps growing until it dominates your thoughts about the new person in your life.
First of all, we have to remember that the glass shattered for God in His dealings with us. He wants so much more for ourselves than we can envision, but our bad habits born out of fear and ego keeps us from reaching our potential. But somehow, God doesn’t allow the sound of shattering glass to keep Him from having a relationship with us. Thank God that He not only loves us for what we are now, but also for what we can become. That is the redeeming nature of Godly love.
Second, we Christian singles need to stop being so nit-picky in our relationships with each other. We all have the capacity to change bad habits into good ones and we all can grow in positive ways. Let’s make a genuine effort to help each other become more good and even less annoying. Let’s be willing to change even as we ask others to do the same.
Third, let’s put God’s redeeming love into action with ourselves and with those with whom we interact. I’m not saying that you need to be bosom buddies with an ax murderer or a lover with drug dealer, but most of the bad habits we have fall way short of killing people or peddling illegal drugs. Believe in the power of God’s love to transform Mr. or Miss Okay to Mr. or Miss Almost Perfect. (Let's face it; none of us will ever be PERFECT.)
If God can still love and be with us after the glass shattered for Him, surely we can do the same with each other.
Have you ever had the glass shattered in any of your relationships, either platonic or romantic? Somewhere down the road you recognize that he doesn’t wash his hands after using the restroom or she always talks about her ex-boyfriends. Or she plays the music in the car too loud or he always chews with his mouth open. Bad habits. We all have them and yes, some are worse than others. When we first start that new friendship or romantic relationship, we often don’t notice those bad habits that will later get on our nerves.
But then, the glass shatters and it seems like the bad habit keeps growing until it dominates your thoughts about the new person in your life.
First of all, we have to remember that the glass shattered for God in His dealings with us. He wants so much more for ourselves than we can envision, but our bad habits born out of fear and ego keeps us from reaching our potential. But somehow, God doesn’t allow the sound of shattering glass to keep Him from having a relationship with us. Thank God that He not only loves us for what we are now, but also for what we can become. That is the redeeming nature of Godly love.
Second, we Christian singles need to stop being so nit-picky in our relationships with each other. We all have the capacity to change bad habits into good ones and we all can grow in positive ways. Let’s make a genuine effort to help each other become more good and even less annoying. Let’s be willing to change even as we ask others to do the same.
Third, let’s put God’s redeeming love into action with ourselves and with those with whom we interact. I’m not saying that you need to be bosom buddies with an ax murderer or a lover with drug dealer, but most of the bad habits we have fall way short of killing people or peddling illegal drugs. Believe in the power of God’s love to transform Mr. or Miss Okay to Mr. or Miss Almost Perfect. (Let's face it; none of us will ever be PERFECT.)
If God can still love and be with us after the glass shattered for Him, surely we can do the same with each other.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
L-Tryptophan Attack!
You know that sleepy feeling you get after eating a big meal like most of us enjoy at Thanksgiving? Forget about washing those dishes! Maybe I won’t catch the rest of the game! Okay, it’s time for the relatives to leave so I can take a nap!
You have just been attacked by L-Tryptophan! Don’t worry, no need to call Homeland Security. Don’t go bugging your doctor! Leave those folks at the emergency room alone! L-Tryptophan is an amino acid that induces a sense of sleepiness after we eat. If we are not careful, we could sleep away a significant portion of our holiday.
Is there a spiritual complement to L-Tryptophan? I suggest that when we gorge ourselves on depression or anxieties, we fall into a pit of lethargy and laziness. Since I don’t have a lover or romantic partner; I am not going to read my Bible today. Because I feel so alone; I am not going to say my prayers this morning. Due to my gluttony on self-pity; I am going to temporarily not be a Christian single today!
All of us are susceptible to being attacked by “spiritual L-Tryptophan”. Especially during the holidays, we may have the urge to just go through the motions but not really establishing or building on our relationships. “Lord, just let me get through New Year’s Eve and I will start the new year as a spiritual Christian single again!”
But a lot can happen between now and December 31st. New friendships can be formed. A romantic partner may be discovered. Family members can be reunited. Indeed, a lot can happen, but a lot can also be missed.
Before you pick up that next piece of loneliness stuffed with depression; be on your guard against the L-Tryptophan Attack!
You have just been attacked by L-Tryptophan! Don’t worry, no need to call Homeland Security. Don’t go bugging your doctor! Leave those folks at the emergency room alone! L-Tryptophan is an amino acid that induces a sense of sleepiness after we eat. If we are not careful, we could sleep away a significant portion of our holiday.
Is there a spiritual complement to L-Tryptophan? I suggest that when we gorge ourselves on depression or anxieties, we fall into a pit of lethargy and laziness. Since I don’t have a lover or romantic partner; I am not going to read my Bible today. Because I feel so alone; I am not going to say my prayers this morning. Due to my gluttony on self-pity; I am going to temporarily not be a Christian single today!
All of us are susceptible to being attacked by “spiritual L-Tryptophan”. Especially during the holidays, we may have the urge to just go through the motions but not really establishing or building on our relationships. “Lord, just let me get through New Year’s Eve and I will start the new year as a spiritual Christian single again!”
But a lot can happen between now and December 31st. New friendships can be formed. A romantic partner may be discovered. Family members can be reunited. Indeed, a lot can happen, but a lot can also be missed.
Before you pick up that next piece of loneliness stuffed with depression; be on your guard against the L-Tryptophan Attack!
Don’t Call Me Scrooge!
Before you even say it, I know that Mr. Scrooge is usually associated with Christmas. But I have a feeling that he will start making his appearance starting today (Thanksgiving Day) and hang around throughout the holidays.
For many, Thanksgiving is a time to buy too much food, prepare an insanely amount of food and then consume much more food than is necessary to live. Also, this day is a day to prepare an elaborate and impressive display of food for family and friends to be awed by. Then Thanksgiving Thursday is followed by Black Friday where people get up early in the morning to jostle old ladies out of the way in search of a great sale on Christmas gifts.
Don’t call me Scrooge, but it all sounds like madness to me!
What would happen if each family set aside one tenth of what they normally spend for the Thanksgiving meal and another one tenth of what they normally spend on Black Friday and they donated that to a local charity helping the homeless? That act of small sacrifice would have a dramatic impact on service to the less fortunate in our communities.
Now suppose we singles took one tenth of the energies we “waste” bemoaning the fact that we are still single at the beginning of another holiday season and we focused instead on uplifting one person? What kind of impact could we have? It seems like many of us Christian singles “enjoy” being depressed or emotionally down during the holidays. We wear our loneliness blues as a badge of honor.
Don’t call me scrooge, but it all sounds like madness to me!
I challenge every Christian single person who reads this blog to dedicate a portion of their time, energies and attention to making another single person’s holiday special.
For many, Thanksgiving is a time to buy too much food, prepare an insanely amount of food and then consume much more food than is necessary to live. Also, this day is a day to prepare an elaborate and impressive display of food for family and friends to be awed by. Then Thanksgiving Thursday is followed by Black Friday where people get up early in the morning to jostle old ladies out of the way in search of a great sale on Christmas gifts.
Don’t call me Scrooge, but it all sounds like madness to me!
What would happen if each family set aside one tenth of what they normally spend for the Thanksgiving meal and another one tenth of what they normally spend on Black Friday and they donated that to a local charity helping the homeless? That act of small sacrifice would have a dramatic impact on service to the less fortunate in our communities.
Now suppose we singles took one tenth of the energies we “waste” bemoaning the fact that we are still single at the beginning of another holiday season and we focused instead on uplifting one person? What kind of impact could we have? It seems like many of us Christian singles “enjoy” being depressed or emotionally down during the holidays. We wear our loneliness blues as a badge of honor.
Don’t call me scrooge, but it all sounds like madness to me!
I challenge every Christian single person who reads this blog to dedicate a portion of their time, energies and attention to making another single person’s holiday special.
- Send an uninvited e-card.
- Take someone out to lunch or dinner without any expectation of a reward.
- Call someone that you haven’t spoken with in a while and let them know you were thinking about them.
- Offer to do something nice with no strings attached.
- Be the bigger person and apologize to that person whose relationship with you fell apart.
There are literally a million things each of us could do. Let’s make this holiday season less about what we don’t have or about who is not in our lives and more about putting a smile on a fellow single person’s face.
And oh by the way, so you won’t call me Scrooge, have a happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Flowers in Concrete
This morning on my way to church, I passed a concrete embankment that had some flowers growing through one of its cracks. That seemed kind of weird to me. How can a delicate flower break its way through solid concrete?
Sometimes in our lives, we encounter people that we feel are too hard or too uncaring. How in the world can a delicate flower of love and compassion break through their tough exterior?
Better yet, there are some struggles we have that very few people know about. You know what I’m talking about: those fears that keep you from sending that email or making that phone call or taking that test or filling out that job application or applying for that mortgage. Or your desperate desire to be loved that you find yourself settling for any person with warm blood running through their veins. Or that spiritual virus you’ve been suffering under that keeps you from reading your bible or going to church or praying for others or sincerely trying to be a man or woman with God in your eyes. Or that secret weakness that leads you to sleep with people who are not your marriage partner or causes you to continue that rumor that someone just shared with you or takes you down the path to anger and revenge because you are not willing to forgive.
I cannot explain it, but flowers do grow through concrete. That person who appears to be so unapproachable can have his or her heart warmed up. Maybe the Holy Spirit is guiding you to say hello which just might start the process for this person to regain their sense of humanity.
You may feel like you are stuck in the concrete of your fears or unspiritual lusts or seemingly overpowering weaknesses, but God’s flower of spiritual enlightenment can break through your walls of resistance.
So the next time you encounter a concrete barrier whether it is in the form of someone else or it resides in you, believe in the power of God to plant a flower and allow Him to nurture it so that it will grow.
Sometimes in our lives, we encounter people that we feel are too hard or too uncaring. How in the world can a delicate flower of love and compassion break through their tough exterior?
Better yet, there are some struggles we have that very few people know about. You know what I’m talking about: those fears that keep you from sending that email or making that phone call or taking that test or filling out that job application or applying for that mortgage. Or your desperate desire to be loved that you find yourself settling for any person with warm blood running through their veins. Or that spiritual virus you’ve been suffering under that keeps you from reading your bible or going to church or praying for others or sincerely trying to be a man or woman with God in your eyes. Or that secret weakness that leads you to sleep with people who are not your marriage partner or causes you to continue that rumor that someone just shared with you or takes you down the path to anger and revenge because you are not willing to forgive.
I cannot explain it, but flowers do grow through concrete. That person who appears to be so unapproachable can have his or her heart warmed up. Maybe the Holy Spirit is guiding you to say hello which just might start the process for this person to regain their sense of humanity.
You may feel like you are stuck in the concrete of your fears or unspiritual lusts or seemingly overpowering weaknesses, but God’s flower of spiritual enlightenment can break through your walls of resistance.
So the next time you encounter a concrete barrier whether it is in the form of someone else or it resides in you, believe in the power of God to plant a flower and allow Him to nurture it so that it will grow.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Last Week In Review 11/17/07
This week, the theme was A Woman With God In Her Eyes. I won’t summarize each post here, but a few closing comments and then I will respond to comments that were left by you. First of all, this series started with me reflecting on my lack of romantic prospects. But I don’t want you to miss the larger point of my writings. Whether or not I have a girlfriend is not a big deal. My life is what it is. But what is important is that we look at our situations with spiritual eyes. So as you think about what I have written, don’t focus too much on my love life. Rather, focus on how you can grow spiritually in your life. Second, in my interactions with women in all kinds of relationships; I have encountered very few women with God in their eyes. Funny thing about life is that two people can look at the same thing and draw two different conclusions. So these women may view themselves as having God in their eyes while I don’t see it that way. In the final analysis it is not important what I think of them, it is important how they (the women) view themselves in light of their spiritual understanding. A far majority of the women I have encountered in my life display some of the same things I referred to as NOT being God in their eyes. I see so much fear, ego, pain, hurt and even lust (not necessarily of me, but that’s okay I guess!! [smile]). As I hope they do for me, I pray for many of them and that God will guide them to where (not to who) He wants them to be, often without their knowledge that I am praying for them. I encourage all of us to pray for each other that God’s expectations will be realized, not our own selfish hustles.
Below are some comments I have responded to.
“I hope you are picky; wait until God saids [says] yes and you see that woman with God In Her Eyes and God In Her Heart. Only through the eyes of God will she appreciate and celebrate you the way you deserve.” What is it that you hope for yourself? I am not sure if I would put a label of “picky” or “not picky” on what I pray for others. Instead of hoping for pickiness, I would pray that people get so in tuned with God that they can recognize a person with God in their eyes. I would venture to say that most of us wouldn’t recognize a person with God in their eyes if they were staring us in the face!!
“It is my thoughts you are playing unfair. I am not sure about anyone else but I truly wanted to know Kevin...and this was without any exceptions [expectations?].” Why are you wanting to know me? Wouldn’t your time be better spent on focusing on your spiritual growth? That’s why I write this blog. Not for people to know me. I am not what is important. God is. Let’s keep our focus on Him.
“Kevin, please take the mask off and stop pushing people away...If I ask if you can get this book or that book yes I need that book but at the same time I am just trying to find an entry point of friendship. BUT I am like God in this way that I truly have your best interest at heart and will not force myself on you.” I do not understand what you mean by “take the mask off and stop pushing people away”. But I think the problem may be that you are focusing on me. I am not what’s important. God is. Always remember the purpose of this blog is to foster spiritual growth. Getting to know me or searching for an entry point of friendship is not what this blog is about. When I write, it is not just my thoughts, but my understanding of what the Holy Spirit is telling me. That is not to say that I cannot be friends with my readers. But I want us to keep the main the thing the main thing which is God and His will for our lives.
“Well, I don't think I want to go around expecting to meet Mr. Right any day. I try to live each day enjoying all that is laid before me. Yes there are lonely times but life goes on.” Not just waiting for our soul mate, but also expecting God’s favor to rain down on us TODAY. Today, it may be a new job and tomorrow it may be an unexpected phone call from a long lost friend and next week may be extra dollars in the bank account. It is the expectation that God is going to bless us that should get us out of the bed each morning. Included in this expectation is the possibility that Mr. or Miss Right will come into our lives. Why wouldn’t you want to live a life of blessed expectation?
“To Thou [thine] Ownself Be True!” Let’s be true to God first and that will lead us to being what He wants us to be. It’s about God, not me.
“It sounds like the majority of your audience is female? We all know we think a little different than "you males" do(smile)...” When I speak of different perspectives, the least of those differences is because of our gender. Because of my family background, my childhood, my particular hopes and fears, my educational background, my personality traits and so on, the way I look at the world may be quite different than yours. Speaking of gender (male/female), it is my belief that God made men and women to be complementary to each other; not adversaries or as polar opposites.
“The writer is asking you to tell him your secrets and short comings yet He refuses to let us truly know his." When you say “writer”, are you referring to me? If so, then I would prefer you not tell me your secrets. It is none of my business. I am not clear on what you are referring to when you say that I am asking you to tell your secrets and shortcomings. Confess what you feel you must to God, not me. What is with this focus on me? Focus on God! Let’s stay focused on using this blog as a tool for our spiritual growth.
Why should we share on the blog when it is not a dependable source and it seems as though we are simply pass time or an experiment. As much as the readers try to make a connection , it is often broken because it feels as though “man thinks so highly of themselves” …and this is call “PRIDE” and as for me I am looking for a humble and caring friend and this is how I came to Christ..” I am not sure what you mean when you “the blog is not a dependable source and it seems as though we are simply pass time or an experiment”. But what I encourage all the readers to do is to share their thoughts and opinions (not secrets or shortcomings) so that we all can grow spiritually. It does me no good to know your secrets or shortcomings. It does do me good to know your thoughts and opinions because I might learn something. Also, I strongly encourage the readers to stay on track to spiritual growth. The main connection you want to make is with God. Let’s worry about connecting with other people after we have grown sufficiently that we all have God in our eyes.
“Amen, my brotha! If ONLY more men would look for "God In Her Eyes", more women would be drawn to the God in his eyes which would create a Godly couple.” For the most part, I agree with your statement. The only change I would suggest is that we not “look” for people with God in their eyes. Rather, we “BE” a person with God in our eyes. (Excuse the incorrect grammar!) In other words, the objective should not be to find a partner, but to re-establish the partnership with God.
“I think it was you who told me you love that person according to what you know that person can be or God intends for them to be not as they are at the moment.” Earlier in your comments you mentioned that the man should be willing to make an investment and they should be willing to meet the women where they are. I think what will work better for me is that I become as much of a person with God in my eyes as I can. That way, I will be in a better position to recognize a woman with God in her eyes. I want to be the best Kevin I can be. I will let God worry about investing in “Shenequa” and if He wants me to “meet her where she is”, then I pray for a discerning spirit to recognize God’s will.
“Thank you so very much for opening up your heart and sharing...” Is this the same person who said I was not sharing my “secrets” and that I was “pushing people away”? [smile].
“It is something to have it going on in one area, but not truly knowing what your purpose is in life.” I think that most of us get sidetracked because we don’t really understand God’s purpose for us. Without that knowledge, we find ourselves doing all kinds of crazy stuff and getting involved with people we have not business being with.
“The expectations of A Man with God in His Eyes (MWGIHE) are somewhat weak to me. Is it at all possible you are not able to see those true qualities because you are too close to the subject? Or perhaps, I have missed this one because I am not close enough to the subject.” By weak, are you saying that there should be more traits or are you saying my explanations were not clear? At any rate, I don’t feel like I am too close to see what the true qualities are. This particular topic is one that I have pondered for a long time and I feel pretty comfortable with my thoughts on this matter.
“Priesthood...is a quality that all God's people should have not only "men" (I know how you feel about quoting scriptures but this one is needed)...see 1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” My problem with people quoting scripture is they often do not provide an interpretation of what is being said. That is exactly what you have done; NOT providing any interpretation. Who is Peter referring to? Was it the Jews, the children of Israel, the priests of the day, the people who belonged to the new religion called Christianity? What is the key point of this scripture; the notion of priesthood, the idea of being a holy nation or the act of praising God? And what does this scripture have to do with your argument that the notion of priesthood is something meant for both the man and woman and not just for the man?
I think you and I may be closer in agreement than you think. My statement about the “prieshoodness” of men was in the context of his relationship with his female romantic partner. Her gift is influence. The two gifts are complementary. Many men will try to claim “authority” in a romantic relationship and many women let them get away with that. But what most men can legitimately claim (from a spiritual standpoint) is the authority to lead himself and his female romantic partner to the path of spiritual growth. Again, my comment about “priesthoodness” refers specifically to a husband and wife or a boyfriend and girlfriend.
“In other words, man has to see the purpose for a woman through the eyes of God ; the purpose of woman is not for man to abuse and use...the purpose of women out numbering men is not for him to be the grand lover or “playa” ...the purpose of that sassy woman is not for you to lay hands on...the purpose of that woman wearing tight clothes or revealing clothes is not for man to rape with his eyes or force his body upon her...the purpose of your power and influence is not to be little [belittle] and degrade that woman. Unless you have the purpose of God in those beautiful eyes of yours, you will miss the gift of woman God has given you.” Your meaning in this paragraph is not clear to me. How did you go from my discussion of the purpose for a man with God in his eyes to him becoming a “playa”, “an abuser”, “a rapist” and a “belittler”? In my opinion God made men and women to be different, but in a complementary sense. Thus, his weaknesses are negated by her strengths and vice versa. What you are describing is more of an adversarial context or something that is based on conflict. A sense of winning at the expense of the other losing. Why is that your focus? Lastly, I am of the strong opinion that the way a man looks at his purpose (as given to him by God) is different from the way a woman looks at her purpose (as given to her by God). Your arguments seems to ignore the complementary nature of male and females and assumes that men and women are same.
Below are some comments I have responded to.
“I hope you are picky; wait until God saids [says] yes and you see that woman with God In Her Eyes and God In Her Heart. Only through the eyes of God will she appreciate and celebrate you the way you deserve.” What is it that you hope for yourself? I am not sure if I would put a label of “picky” or “not picky” on what I pray for others. Instead of hoping for pickiness, I would pray that people get so in tuned with God that they can recognize a person with God in their eyes. I would venture to say that most of us wouldn’t recognize a person with God in their eyes if they were staring us in the face!!
“It is my thoughts you are playing unfair. I am not sure about anyone else but I truly wanted to know Kevin...and this was without any exceptions [expectations?].” Why are you wanting to know me? Wouldn’t your time be better spent on focusing on your spiritual growth? That’s why I write this blog. Not for people to know me. I am not what is important. God is. Let’s keep our focus on Him.
“Kevin, please take the mask off and stop pushing people away...If I ask if you can get this book or that book yes I need that book but at the same time I am just trying to find an entry point of friendship. BUT I am like God in this way that I truly have your best interest at heart and will not force myself on you.” I do not understand what you mean by “take the mask off and stop pushing people away”. But I think the problem may be that you are focusing on me. I am not what’s important. God is. Always remember the purpose of this blog is to foster spiritual growth. Getting to know me or searching for an entry point of friendship is not what this blog is about. When I write, it is not just my thoughts, but my understanding of what the Holy Spirit is telling me. That is not to say that I cannot be friends with my readers. But I want us to keep the main the thing the main thing which is God and His will for our lives.
“Well, I don't think I want to go around expecting to meet Mr. Right any day. I try to live each day enjoying all that is laid before me. Yes there are lonely times but life goes on.” Not just waiting for our soul mate, but also expecting God’s favor to rain down on us TODAY. Today, it may be a new job and tomorrow it may be an unexpected phone call from a long lost friend and next week may be extra dollars in the bank account. It is the expectation that God is going to bless us that should get us out of the bed each morning. Included in this expectation is the possibility that Mr. or Miss Right will come into our lives. Why wouldn’t you want to live a life of blessed expectation?
“To Thou [thine] Ownself Be True!” Let’s be true to God first and that will lead us to being what He wants us to be. It’s about God, not me.
“It sounds like the majority of your audience is female? We all know we think a little different than "you males" do(smile)...” When I speak of different perspectives, the least of those differences is because of our gender. Because of my family background, my childhood, my particular hopes and fears, my educational background, my personality traits and so on, the way I look at the world may be quite different than yours. Speaking of gender (male/female), it is my belief that God made men and women to be complementary to each other; not adversaries or as polar opposites.
“The writer is asking you to tell him your secrets and short comings yet He refuses to let us truly know his." When you say “writer”, are you referring to me? If so, then I would prefer you not tell me your secrets. It is none of my business. I am not clear on what you are referring to when you say that I am asking you to tell your secrets and shortcomings. Confess what you feel you must to God, not me. What is with this focus on me? Focus on God! Let’s stay focused on using this blog as a tool for our spiritual growth.
Why should we share on the blog when it is not a dependable source and it seems as though we are simply pass time or an experiment. As much as the readers try to make a connection , it is often broken because it feels as though “man thinks so highly of themselves” …and this is call “PRIDE” and as for me I am looking for a humble and caring friend and this is how I came to Christ..” I am not sure what you mean when you “the blog is not a dependable source and it seems as though we are simply pass time or an experiment”. But what I encourage all the readers to do is to share their thoughts and opinions (not secrets or shortcomings) so that we all can grow spiritually. It does me no good to know your secrets or shortcomings. It does do me good to know your thoughts and opinions because I might learn something. Also, I strongly encourage the readers to stay on track to spiritual growth. The main connection you want to make is with God. Let’s worry about connecting with other people after we have grown sufficiently that we all have God in our eyes.
“Amen, my brotha! If ONLY more men would look for "God In Her Eyes", more women would be drawn to the God in his eyes which would create a Godly couple.” For the most part, I agree with your statement. The only change I would suggest is that we not “look” for people with God in their eyes. Rather, we “BE” a person with God in our eyes. (Excuse the incorrect grammar!) In other words, the objective should not be to find a partner, but to re-establish the partnership with God.
“I think it was you who told me you love that person according to what you know that person can be or God intends for them to be not as they are at the moment.” Earlier in your comments you mentioned that the man should be willing to make an investment and they should be willing to meet the women where they are. I think what will work better for me is that I become as much of a person with God in my eyes as I can. That way, I will be in a better position to recognize a woman with God in her eyes. I want to be the best Kevin I can be. I will let God worry about investing in “Shenequa” and if He wants me to “meet her where she is”, then I pray for a discerning spirit to recognize God’s will.
“Thank you so very much for opening up your heart and sharing...” Is this the same person who said I was not sharing my “secrets” and that I was “pushing people away”? [smile].
“It is something to have it going on in one area, but not truly knowing what your purpose is in life.” I think that most of us get sidetracked because we don’t really understand God’s purpose for us. Without that knowledge, we find ourselves doing all kinds of crazy stuff and getting involved with people we have not business being with.
“The expectations of A Man with God in His Eyes (MWGIHE) are somewhat weak to me. Is it at all possible you are not able to see those true qualities because you are too close to the subject? Or perhaps, I have missed this one because I am not close enough to the subject.” By weak, are you saying that there should be more traits or are you saying my explanations were not clear? At any rate, I don’t feel like I am too close to see what the true qualities are. This particular topic is one that I have pondered for a long time and I feel pretty comfortable with my thoughts on this matter.
“Priesthood...is a quality that all God's people should have not only "men" (I know how you feel about quoting scriptures but this one is needed)...see 1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” My problem with people quoting scripture is they often do not provide an interpretation of what is being said. That is exactly what you have done; NOT providing any interpretation. Who is Peter referring to? Was it the Jews, the children of Israel, the priests of the day, the people who belonged to the new religion called Christianity? What is the key point of this scripture; the notion of priesthood, the idea of being a holy nation or the act of praising God? And what does this scripture have to do with your argument that the notion of priesthood is something meant for both the man and woman and not just for the man?
I think you and I may be closer in agreement than you think. My statement about the “prieshoodness” of men was in the context of his relationship with his female romantic partner. Her gift is influence. The two gifts are complementary. Many men will try to claim “authority” in a romantic relationship and many women let them get away with that. But what most men can legitimately claim (from a spiritual standpoint) is the authority to lead himself and his female romantic partner to the path of spiritual growth. Again, my comment about “priesthoodness” refers specifically to a husband and wife or a boyfriend and girlfriend.
“In other words, man has to see the purpose for a woman through the eyes of God ; the purpose of woman is not for man to abuse and use...the purpose of women out numbering men is not for him to be the grand lover or “playa” ...the purpose of that sassy woman is not for you to lay hands on...the purpose of that woman wearing tight clothes or revealing clothes is not for man to rape with his eyes or force his body upon her...the purpose of your power and influence is not to be little [belittle] and degrade that woman. Unless you have the purpose of God in those beautiful eyes of yours, you will miss the gift of woman God has given you.” Your meaning in this paragraph is not clear to me. How did you go from my discussion of the purpose for a man with God in his eyes to him becoming a “playa”, “an abuser”, “a rapist” and a “belittler”? In my opinion God made men and women to be different, but in a complementary sense. Thus, his weaknesses are negated by her strengths and vice versa. What you are describing is more of an adversarial context or something that is based on conflict. A sense of winning at the expense of the other losing. Why is that your focus? Lastly, I am of the strong opinion that the way a man looks at his purpose (as given to him by God) is different from the way a woman looks at her purpose (as given to her by God). Your arguments seems to ignore the complementary nature of male and females and assumes that men and women are same.
Becoming a Woman or Man With God In Your Eyes
One common mistake many people make when there is a discussion of the characteristics of a woman or man with God in their eyes is offering the counter argument that no one is fully where they should be. They suggest that we all have room to grow. I say that is a mistake because we need to take responsibility for where we are now and accept the fact that we should be moving in the direction towards our God ordained potential. By saying, “Yeah Kevin, but there are none or very few women or men who truly have God in their eyes”; we imply that looking for such a person is a waste of time.
Let’s not forget our respective gifts of “influence” (women) and “priesthood” (men). These gifts speak to the roles we can play in helping others as well as ourselves to grow spiritually. Secondly, let’s not get so caught up in our own hustle of finding a man or woman to link up romantically with that we ignore our spiritual responsibility to form positive relationships of all types. This second point is worth re-stating in a different way. Our sole objective should be about doing God’s will; not about finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. If we play our spiritual cards right, having a boyfriend or girlfriend will be one of the favorable outcomes of being obedient to God.
The best way to find a person with God in their eyes is to BE a person with God in your eyes!! When we focus on what is NOT out there; we often lose sight of the ways we are NOT growing spiritually. So stop whining about the rarity or non-existence of women or men with God in their eyes!!
How can you become a Woman or Man with God in your eyes?
Here’s the bad news; there is no formula. No two doses of this and a pinch of that and voila! Here’s the good news; God has a plan that is tailor-made just for you.
Here comes a “DUH” statement. If you want to be a person with God in your eyes; then go to God for the answers. It may seem obvious, but sometimes we get so distracted by our loneliness, our fears, our horniness or our anger that we stumble over the obvious. We often allow the fact that the holiday season is approaching or there goes another birthday and we still don’t have someone special to love us to keep us from looking to the ONLY ONE who can help us be the best we can be.
Finally, most of us speak a good game when it comes to our spiritual intentions. But when the light of reality exposes our true desires, it becomes apparent that we are just selling wolf tickets.
Let’s not forget our respective gifts of “influence” (women) and “priesthood” (men). These gifts speak to the roles we can play in helping others as well as ourselves to grow spiritually. Secondly, let’s not get so caught up in our own hustle of finding a man or woman to link up romantically with that we ignore our spiritual responsibility to form positive relationships of all types. This second point is worth re-stating in a different way. Our sole objective should be about doing God’s will; not about finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. If we play our spiritual cards right, having a boyfriend or girlfriend will be one of the favorable outcomes of being obedient to God.
The best way to find a person with God in their eyes is to BE a person with God in your eyes!! When we focus on what is NOT out there; we often lose sight of the ways we are NOT growing spiritually. So stop whining about the rarity or non-existence of women or men with God in their eyes!!
How can you become a Woman or Man with God in your eyes?
Here’s the bad news; there is no formula. No two doses of this and a pinch of that and voila! Here’s the good news; God has a plan that is tailor-made just for you.
Here comes a “DUH” statement. If you want to be a person with God in your eyes; then go to God for the answers. It may seem obvious, but sometimes we get so distracted by our loneliness, our fears, our horniness or our anger that we stumble over the obvious. We often allow the fact that the holiday season is approaching or there goes another birthday and we still don’t have someone special to love us to keep us from looking to the ONLY ONE who can help us be the best we can be.
Finally, most of us speak a good game when it comes to our spiritual intentions. But when the light of reality exposes our true desires, it becomes apparent that we are just selling wolf tickets.
- We say God is the head of our lives, but we allow our fear of being alone to dictate our actions.
- We say that Jesus is our Lord and Savior, but we are more obedient to our desperation to find a mate than we are to Him.
- We claim to want spiritual growth, but we are more focused on finding someone to go out with on Friday or Saturday night.
- We say we are trying to do better spiritually, but our true objective is to be better sexually or physically or financially or emotionally so that the person we have our eyes on will notice us and want to be with us.
Becoming a woman or man with God in our eyes may start off being a lonely journey. The more we look at ourselves; the more we realize that starting that journey alone is a good thing. Most of us have allowed the world to taint us so much that we would not be of much use to anyone in a relationship anyway. Most of us are too depressed or anxious or angry or horny or scared to be a good girlfriend or boyfriend. So, whether we admit it or not, we NEED to spend some time alone so God can work on us. As we allow God’s plan to take root in our lives, people will come into our lives that will help us get to the next level. That person may or may not become a romantic partner. But they most certainly can become a friend and an ally on the path to our spiritual maturation.
So in closing; becoming a woman or man with God in our eyes is not a journey that many of us are willing to take. But I encourage all of us to take that first step toward God with the expectation that God will take two steps toward us. Keep your eyes on HIM and not on Mr. or Miss Look-S-Good. You probably “ain’t” ready for all that anyway! My prayer is that with each passing day, all of us will become more like a person with God in our eyes.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
A Man With God In His Eyes
Many of you who have read all of the posts in this series concerning a woman with God in her eyes may assume that God in the eyes of a man would be the same. Let me humbly suggest that if you are looking for those same exact traits in men that I listed for women, you will be looking long and hard and end up not being successful! Now, now, don’t get discouraged. It is not that you should not look for a man with God in his eyes. Rather, you should make sure you look for the right things to identify such a man. That is what I am going to try to do with this post!
You may recall that I listed the following traits as belonging to a woman with God in her eyes: Purpose, Love, Influence, Humanity and Hope. Of these traits, only one is specifically for the woman. That trait is the gift of influence. Because of how God has made women; influence is something that should come relatively naturally to her.
With the remaining above traits, there may be some very subtle nuances that are different for men and women. For example, purpose for the woman is important and every woman should have one (or perhaps it is better to say that every woman should recognize their purpose). For the man, purpose is not only important; it is vital. How so? Because of the way God has made males; purpose is part of our definition and ultimately part of our survival. A man without purpose in essence does not exist. Women, be honest. A man who is just floating along through life without purpose is not really attractive is he? He may look like Denzel or whoever you admire for his physical qualities; but if you sense that he is not going anywhere and has no clue of where he is heading, you will quickly lose interest in him. This is more so the case with women who have God in their eyes when it comes to the men they interact with.
But, let’s get to those additional traits I think a man with God in his eyes should have.
Priesthood - If I knew my English teacher was not reading this post, I might use the phrase “priesthoodness”. Essentially what this speaks to is the responsibility of the male to serve as the spiritual leader in the man to woman relationship. Men should be the ones to encourage the couple to go to church, to not engage in premarital sex, to do the right things for the right reason, to help out the poor and so on. Unfortunately, many of our women have had to fend for themselves when it comes to their spiritual health. If she does not work out her salvation with fear and trembling, then no one will. But the way it is supposed to be is the men who are in romantic relationships with women should be leading the way for BOTH of them to grow. (Incidentally, this trait is the complement to the woman’s gift of influence.)
Skill - This is another one of those traits that is nice or important for the woman to have, but it is vital for the man with God in his eyes. From the woman’s perspective, what good is a man who is not good at anything? Have you ever wondered why men who can sing well or play basketball or who demonstrate a unique level of intelligence always seem able to attract women to them? These and other skills are aphrodisiacs of a sort for women. Chicks dig a man with skills! But this goes beyond how a woman reacts to this trait in a man. God created males to change the world in positive ways. With their understanding of their purpose and their “priesthoodness”, a man’s talent (which is God-given) allows him to have the kind of impact on people that the Divine Father wants him to have.
Strength - Does this mean every man should like LL Cool J on steroids? (No, I am not making any allegations!) No, the strength I refer to is not only physical, but also spiritual. In addition to being a world changer, a man with God in his eyes should also be a protector. Who or what should he protect? His woman, his family, his reputation, his legacy, his purpose and his talents. To be able to fend off all of the threats to these people and things, a man with God in his eyes needs to be strong.
I don’t mean to depress anyone, but men with God in their eyes are a rare sight to see. But guess who knows where these “good” men are? Yes, that’s right. God is the answer to that question. Here’s a hint to all of the women out there in blog land who may be wondering how to find a man with God in his eyes. Become a woman with God in your eyes.
Tomorrow’s Post - Becoming a Woman or a Man With God In Your Eyes
You may recall that I listed the following traits as belonging to a woman with God in her eyes: Purpose, Love, Influence, Humanity and Hope. Of these traits, only one is specifically for the woman. That trait is the gift of influence. Because of how God has made women; influence is something that should come relatively naturally to her.
With the remaining above traits, there may be some very subtle nuances that are different for men and women. For example, purpose for the woman is important and every woman should have one (or perhaps it is better to say that every woman should recognize their purpose). For the man, purpose is not only important; it is vital. How so? Because of the way God has made males; purpose is part of our definition and ultimately part of our survival. A man without purpose in essence does not exist. Women, be honest. A man who is just floating along through life without purpose is not really attractive is he? He may look like Denzel or whoever you admire for his physical qualities; but if you sense that he is not going anywhere and has no clue of where he is heading, you will quickly lose interest in him. This is more so the case with women who have God in their eyes when it comes to the men they interact with.
But, let’s get to those additional traits I think a man with God in his eyes should have.
Priesthood - If I knew my English teacher was not reading this post, I might use the phrase “priesthoodness”. Essentially what this speaks to is the responsibility of the male to serve as the spiritual leader in the man to woman relationship. Men should be the ones to encourage the couple to go to church, to not engage in premarital sex, to do the right things for the right reason, to help out the poor and so on. Unfortunately, many of our women have had to fend for themselves when it comes to their spiritual health. If she does not work out her salvation with fear and trembling, then no one will. But the way it is supposed to be is the men who are in romantic relationships with women should be leading the way for BOTH of them to grow. (Incidentally, this trait is the complement to the woman’s gift of influence.)
Skill - This is another one of those traits that is nice or important for the woman to have, but it is vital for the man with God in his eyes. From the woman’s perspective, what good is a man who is not good at anything? Have you ever wondered why men who can sing well or play basketball or who demonstrate a unique level of intelligence always seem able to attract women to them? These and other skills are aphrodisiacs of a sort for women. Chicks dig a man with skills! But this goes beyond how a woman reacts to this trait in a man. God created males to change the world in positive ways. With their understanding of their purpose and their “priesthoodness”, a man’s talent (which is God-given) allows him to have the kind of impact on people that the Divine Father wants him to have.
Strength - Does this mean every man should like LL Cool J on steroids? (No, I am not making any allegations!) No, the strength I refer to is not only physical, but also spiritual. In addition to being a world changer, a man with God in his eyes should also be a protector. Who or what should he protect? His woman, his family, his reputation, his legacy, his purpose and his talents. To be able to fend off all of the threats to these people and things, a man with God in his eyes needs to be strong.
I don’t mean to depress anyone, but men with God in their eyes are a rare sight to see. But guess who knows where these “good” men are? Yes, that’s right. God is the answer to that question. Here’s a hint to all of the women out there in blog land who may be wondering how to find a man with God in his eyes. Become a woman with God in your eyes.
Tomorrow’s Post - Becoming a Woman or a Man With God In Your Eyes
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Why A Woman With God In Her Eyes?
It has been said that a rose by any other name is still a rose. Is the same true of women? Perhaps it does not matter if a woman has God in her eyes or not. Physically, she is still a woman even if instead of God, she has “gunk” in her eyes, right? Maybe too much is being made of the notion of a woman with spiritual qualities when all that matters is she is a female.
Most of us recognize that there is something special about a woman with God in her eyes. But do we really understand why it is not only “special” but also important? I suppose part of the problem is that as individuals, we get so caught up in our own challenges, fears, hopes and desires that we lose sight of the MAIN THING. See “Keeping the Main Thing The Main Thing” on March 20, 2007 (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/03/keeping-main-thing-main-thing.html) The challenge for all of us is to hear and listen and then do what the Holy Spirit is saying to us.
So, why a woman with God in her eyes? Because it continues the dialogue that began with God speaking to the woman and to the man which then leads to the man and the woman having a “spiritually intelligent” conversation. See “Spiritual Jive Talkers Club” on June 24, 2007. ( http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/06/spiritual-jive-talkers-club.html). Not only will the woman and the man speak “sweet nothings” to each other, but they will also share their desires to help each other become more like what God has envisioned for them to be. They are not only admiring the current God in their respective eyes, but they are also laying the groundwork for keeping it that way as their relationship progresses.
The answer to the question of why a woman with God in her eyes is not about the prospect of finding true love. It is not about fulfilling the romantic fantasies of either the man or the woman. It is not about being blessed with the reality of our dreams coming true. These are secondary to the woman being positioned to live up to her divinely ordained potential. Just as God made her as a physical and a spiritual being; a woman with God in her eyes is like a flower that is blooming into a beautiful person that leads God to self-boast, “It is good!”.
But there is one more thing we need to address with respect to the notion of a woman with God in her eyes. That one thing is “what about a MAN with God in his eyes?”
Tomorrow’s Post - A Man with God In His Eyes
Most of us recognize that there is something special about a woman with God in her eyes. But do we really understand why it is not only “special” but also important? I suppose part of the problem is that as individuals, we get so caught up in our own challenges, fears, hopes and desires that we lose sight of the MAIN THING. See “Keeping the Main Thing The Main Thing” on March 20, 2007 (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/03/keeping-main-thing-main-thing.html) The challenge for all of us is to hear and listen and then do what the Holy Spirit is saying to us.
So, why a woman with God in her eyes? Because it continues the dialogue that began with God speaking to the woman and to the man which then leads to the man and the woman having a “spiritually intelligent” conversation. See “Spiritual Jive Talkers Club” on June 24, 2007. ( http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/06/spiritual-jive-talkers-club.html). Not only will the woman and the man speak “sweet nothings” to each other, but they will also share their desires to help each other become more like what God has envisioned for them to be. They are not only admiring the current God in their respective eyes, but they are also laying the groundwork for keeping it that way as their relationship progresses.
The answer to the question of why a woman with God in her eyes is not about the prospect of finding true love. It is not about fulfilling the romantic fantasies of either the man or the woman. It is not about being blessed with the reality of our dreams coming true. These are secondary to the woman being positioned to live up to her divinely ordained potential. Just as God made her as a physical and a spiritual being; a woman with God in her eyes is like a flower that is blooming into a beautiful person that leads God to self-boast, “It is good!”.
But there is one more thing we need to address with respect to the notion of a woman with God in her eyes. That one thing is “what about a MAN with God in his eyes?”
Tomorrow’s Post - A Man with God In His Eyes
The Sensuality of God In Her Eyes
First let me say that you may want to read these posts in order. Your curiosity may lead you to read this post first, but you may miss the true meaning of the phrase “God in her eyes” if you start here.
In Merriam-Webster’s Online dictionary, sensuality is defined as: “Pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly.” There are other definitions as well and they center mostly on sexual pleasure. But for our purposes, we will emphasize the notion of the satisfaction of the physical senses.
As the alternate definitions of sensuality suggest, most of us think “sex” when the topic of sensuality is raised. If we are honest, Christian singles think a lot about sexuality. But in that regard, we are no different than other people. Our beliefs tell us that human sexuality was created by God for us to enjoy. However, what many people have done is to use “sex” for purposes other than what God intended and this results in many negative outcomes like unfulfilling relationships, broken hearts, bitter feelings, heightened suspicions and a weakened state of spiritual awareness. In light of all of this, what does the definition of sensuality that extends beyond “just sex” have to do with “God in her eyes”?
When I see God in her eyes, I see:
In Merriam-Webster’s Online dictionary, sensuality is defined as: “Pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly.” There are other definitions as well and they center mostly on sexual pleasure. But for our purposes, we will emphasize the notion of the satisfaction of the physical senses.
As the alternate definitions of sensuality suggest, most of us think “sex” when the topic of sensuality is raised. If we are honest, Christian singles think a lot about sexuality. But in that regard, we are no different than other people. Our beliefs tell us that human sexuality was created by God for us to enjoy. However, what many people have done is to use “sex” for purposes other than what God intended and this results in many negative outcomes like unfulfilling relationships, broken hearts, bitter feelings, heightened suspicions and a weakened state of spiritual awareness. In light of all of this, what does the definition of sensuality that extends beyond “just sex” have to do with “God in her eyes”?
When I see God in her eyes, I see:
Sensuality - Unfortunately, most women focus on this as their main center of attraction. But this focus on sensuality masquerading as sexuality betrays a non-spiritual understanding of what spiritually minded men are attracted to. Also, this misplaced attention to their sexuality and not on their sensuality demonstrates their lack of understanding of their divine purpose.
Men are visual beings and we are attracted to what we see. But a spiritual man learns to “see” more than just the physical. Another mistake that many women make is they assume the above sentence means the man will or should ignore a physical trait the woman does not want to work on nor improve. For example, a woman who smokes and who can’t walk a short distance without gasping for breath will say that the man should like her for inner qualities. She reasons that he should ignore her wheezing cough, her tobacco stained teeth and her cigarette breath. Does that sound like God in her eyes to you?
Sensuality from a spiritual perspective says that you take seriously being a temple of God. Just like we should not place chewed pieces of gum under the pew seat or throw our bulletins on the floor after service; we should take care of our bodies. A woman with God in her eyes takes care of her hair, her nails, eats rights, wears clothes appropriate for her body size and shape, exercises and does whatever else is necessary to maintain her “temple”.
She understands that true attraction is both a physical and spiritual phenomenon. She further recognizes that her spiritual and physical natures are interrelated and this helps to heighten her sensuality. In essence, she does not neglect either nature and try to force the man to choose one or the other. Rather, she offers him the total package which is how God created her. To do otherwise, she is denying the creative design of the ultimate Creator.
That is a secret that many women miss. Most men (spiritual or not) are attracted to those qualities that make a woman unique. This uniqueness is most recognizable in her inner or spiritual attributes; not in her physical body. It is crazy to think that your body is so unique that it will make the man want to stay. To be blunt, there is a woman out there with bigger breasts or prettier eyes or sexier lips or a finer body. Don’t view your spirituality as a silent partner! Rather, use it as an ally! Become more like the woman God has created you to be. God made you with a physical body and a spiritual nature and His desire is that you view both as partners, not as warring combatants. Work on your understanding of your purpose, love, influence, hope and humanity. These are the traits that will make you truly sensual and irresistible.
When I look at her with God in her eyes, I want to see a woman that I cannot resist. Not only because she is a brick house (old fashioned term for nice body!!), but also because she is spiritually “super fine”. To me, the ultimate expression of her irresistible nature is when I can genuinely say, “Excuse me for staring, but not only are you physically attractive, but you are also beautiful spiritually!” She is consistently becoming more like the total woman that God expects of her.
A woman with God in her eyes is an awesome sight!
Tomorrow Post: Why A Woman With God In Her Eyes?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
What God In Her Eyes Look Like
If you have been reading these posts in order, you should see a pattern of what happens when we don’t have God in our eyes. You may recall that this series started with me reflecting on my life and my self-described bleak romantic prospects. In that first post, I suggested there was a question that has not been asked that would adequately address my seeming lack of romantic success. I further hinted that the answer to the elusive questions is “God is not in her eyes.”
To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be able to correctly identify the right question. Maybe I am stepping all over it and don’t recognize it. Maybe the true identity of the question is not important, but the answers are.
As I understand it, here is what God in her eyes look like:
Purpose - She may not fully understand her purpose, but she is sincerely looking!! Her conversations are not endless ramblings of what she wants and what she “ain’t” going to do or put up with. Instead her self-description centers around the growing realization God’s purpose for her.
Love - She loves me not because she loves the notion of being in love. Rather, because of her understanding of her divine purpose, she loves me because loving me is the right thing to do. True love is not tainted with the poison of selfish objectives. That is, she doesn’t love me because she wants me to love her. To the contrary, she loves me because of her spirituality and because of her understanding of her purpose.
Influence - In my opinion, the greatest gift a woman can give a man is to share her gift of influence. God has given women the ability to see things us men tend to overlook or not notice. A truly spiritual woman can help her man to be the spiritual man that God intends for him to be.
Humanity - When I look in her eyes, I should be able to recognize the joy and sense of satisfaction that God felt when He said, “Let us make man.” The first thing I should NOT see is the hurt from all of the men who mistreated her or the pain from a rough childhood or whatever else life has dealt her. I want to look into someone who understands that both of us are legitimate children of God!
Hope - She hopes for what God hopes for. I do not need her to agree with me just for the sake of agreement. She understands her divine purpose and this leads to her hope for the reality of God’s will. The gift of influence combined with her sense of purpose will be expressed in a hope that I will become the man God wants me to be.
Like what you’ve read so far? You ain’t seen nothing yet!! There is a lot to see when you see God in her eyes!!
Tomorrow’s post - The Sensuality of God In Her Eyes
To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be able to correctly identify the right question. Maybe I am stepping all over it and don’t recognize it. Maybe the true identity of the question is not important, but the answers are.
As I understand it, here is what God in her eyes look like:
Purpose - She may not fully understand her purpose, but she is sincerely looking!! Her conversations are not endless ramblings of what she wants and what she “ain’t” going to do or put up with. Instead her self-description centers around the growing realization God’s purpose for her.
Love - She loves me not because she loves the notion of being in love. Rather, because of her understanding of her divine purpose, she loves me because loving me is the right thing to do. True love is not tainted with the poison of selfish objectives. That is, she doesn’t love me because she wants me to love her. To the contrary, she loves me because of her spirituality and because of her understanding of her purpose.
Influence - In my opinion, the greatest gift a woman can give a man is to share her gift of influence. God has given women the ability to see things us men tend to overlook or not notice. A truly spiritual woman can help her man to be the spiritual man that God intends for him to be.
Humanity - When I look in her eyes, I should be able to recognize the joy and sense of satisfaction that God felt when He said, “Let us make man.” The first thing I should NOT see is the hurt from all of the men who mistreated her or the pain from a rough childhood or whatever else life has dealt her. I want to look into someone who understands that both of us are legitimate children of God!
Hope - She hopes for what God hopes for. I do not need her to agree with me just for the sake of agreement. She understands her divine purpose and this leads to her hope for the reality of God’s will. The gift of influence combined with her sense of purpose will be expressed in a hope that I will become the man God wants me to be.
Like what you’ve read so far? You ain’t seen nothing yet!! There is a lot to see when you see God in her eyes!!
Tomorrow’s post - The Sensuality of God In Her Eyes
Sunday, November 11, 2007
When Does Desperate Housewives Come On?
Please excuse this interruption in the series “God in Her Eyes”. We will continue with this series with tomorrow’s post.
Why are you reading this blog? Don’t look around, I am talking to you!!
When I write my postings, I do so for one very simple, but hopefully profound reason; To help us all grow spiritually as Christian singles. Why should you read this blog? To help us all grow spiritually as Christian singles!!
How can you help other Christian singles grow? Believe it or not, only reading this blog is not the answer. Where the growth opportunities come is when you leave comments to what has been posted. Why? Because it continues a dialog and it allows others to see not only my perspective, but to get a glimpse of your thoughts as well. The more views that are expressed, the more ALL of us can grow.
Let me very blunt here: When you repeatedly read the posts but NEVER leave a comment, you are being selfish!! Why do I say that? Because you are getting the benefit of what I say, but you are not sharing your opinions on the thoughts being expressed. Further, when you NEVER leave a comment; that strongly suggests that you are reading this blog for the wrong reasons. Anything that is not to help us all to grow spiritually as Christian singles is the wrong reason.
Should you leave a comment every time you read a post? No. But out of all of the posts I have submitted, there are not one or two or three that you can comment on?
Should you only leave a comment when you agree with me? No. In fact when you disagree and you express your thoughts, that presents a tremendous learning opportunity for me, you and others. Why? Because although I believe my thoughts are divinely inspired, I do have my tendencies, opinions and challenges. Your disagreement may bring something to light that can benefit all of us, particularly me.
Last thing I want to say. If the reason why you read this blog is NOT to help us Christian singles to grow spiritually, then you are wasting your time. You would be better off watching “Desperate Housewives” on tv or going to the mall and buying a new pair of shoes!!
Why are you reading this blog? Don’t look around, I am talking to you!!
When I write my postings, I do so for one very simple, but hopefully profound reason; To help us all grow spiritually as Christian singles. Why should you read this blog? To help us all grow spiritually as Christian singles!!
How can you help other Christian singles grow? Believe it or not, only reading this blog is not the answer. Where the growth opportunities come is when you leave comments to what has been posted. Why? Because it continues a dialog and it allows others to see not only my perspective, but to get a glimpse of your thoughts as well. The more views that are expressed, the more ALL of us can grow.
Let me very blunt here: When you repeatedly read the posts but NEVER leave a comment, you are being selfish!! Why do I say that? Because you are getting the benefit of what I say, but you are not sharing your opinions on the thoughts being expressed. Further, when you NEVER leave a comment; that strongly suggests that you are reading this blog for the wrong reasons. Anything that is not to help us all to grow spiritually as Christian singles is the wrong reason.
Should you leave a comment every time you read a post? No. But out of all of the posts I have submitted, there are not one or two or three that you can comment on?
Should you only leave a comment when you agree with me? No. In fact when you disagree and you express your thoughts, that presents a tremendous learning opportunity for me, you and others. Why? Because although I believe my thoughts are divinely inspired, I do have my tendencies, opinions and challenges. Your disagreement may bring something to light that can benefit all of us, particularly me.
Last thing I want to say. If the reason why you read this blog is NOT to help us Christian singles to grow spiritually, then you are wasting your time. You would be better off watching “Desperate Housewives” on tv or going to the mall and buying a new pair of shoes!!
Nope, That Still Ain’t God In Her Eyes!!
The stereotype is that most men look at women as just a piece of meat. That may or may not be true, but most of us (men and women) look at each other as objects to fulfill our desires and needs. This extends beyond just sexual activities. For example, some of us have been so beaten up by life that we need or crave ego boosters. Unhealthy expressions of this need result in physical, verbal or psychological abuse or episodes of violent dominance or unconstructive criticisms. In short, we often “use” others to “fix” something that is wrong with us.
So when I look at “her”, here is what I see: (“Her” represents everyone and not just one particular person.)
So when I look at “her”, here is what I see: (“Her” represents everyone and not just one particular person.)
- Hope - A hope that I can be what she wants or needs to be. But that may not be what I am.
- Fear - A fear that I will not be what she wants or needs me to be. Or she fears that I will be like someone or something that hurt her in her past.
- Ego - A desire for me to make her feel good about what or who she thinks she is. Whether it is to feel sexy or attractive or smart or successful or intimidating or rich or spiritual, she is looking for validation from me. But I have a spiritual obligation to accept and deal with the true you. Only true and lasting validation can come from God.
- Lust - A desire that I will quench those sexual fires burning within. But, after the fires have been put out (for now), will you be closer to God or even to me?
- Frustration - Life has consistently dealt her a bad hand and so many people have let her down. She feels like she needs me to be a good thing or person in her life. But did not Jesus say that there is none good but the Father?
- Piety - She knows that God should be the head of her life, but she knows that God has to share authority with her other rulers (hopes, fears, ego, etc.). She hopes that I can give her a sense of spiritual validity. But that is not something I can give.
The problem with a woman not having God in her eyes is this; the relationships (romantic, platonic, with co-workers, family members or associates) are going to be unstable like a house built on sand. When we connect with each other with the (often unspoken) hope or need to have that person "fix" something in us, our relationship is starting off on the wrong foot and is almost doomed to not reach its potential. The things I have listed above are things I see often in my interactions with people, so I strongly encourage you to be honest with yourself to discover the "gunk" you need to get out of your eyes.
Tomorrow’s Post: What God In Her Eyes Look Like
That Ain’t God In Her Eyes!!
In previous posts, I have encouraged the readers to stop seeing others only through the lens of their lusts, dreams, hopes and fears. With the best of intentions, most of us see others for what they do to us:
- How they make us feel
- How we perceive they can help us
- What we want them to do for us
But it all comes down to creating an image of the other person that has to do more with our reality than with their true identity.
I have discovered to my dismay, that many of the interactions that people initiate with me are really just about their own interests. The emails I receive, the call I get, the conversations that people initiate with me mostly have to do with what I can do to or for them.
- “When is the next singles meeting?”
- “Can I get you to frame this piece of art?”
- “Can you get this book for me?”
- “I am horny, can you be my maintenance man?” (Okay, no one has said exactly those words to me, but if left unchecked, that is where some interactions may lead to.)
- “How can I get an article in the church newsletter?”
- “I need you to make me laugh, so say something funny.”
All of these requests and statements are really for the benefit of the person speaking them. Unless I take their “lemons” and somehow turn them into “lemonade”, these words do not help me be more of what God wants me to be.
All that stuff ain’t God in her eyes!!
Tomorrow’s Post - Nope, That Still Ain’t God In Her Eyes!!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
God In Her Eyes
As I reflect on my life, one of the things I was pondering the fact that I do not have a significant other (aka a girlfriend!) in my life. And come to think about it, I am not even close to having one of those in my life. In fact, the way I see it, my romantic prospects look pretty bleak.
I have heard the questions: “What’s wrong with you? You have a job, you’re not bad looking, you have a good sense of humor, you seem intelligent; so what’s your problem? Is it possible that you are too picky?”
All of those questions and any more that you can think of miss the point. Think about it for a moment. There are people with better or worse jobs, who are better or worse looking, whose sense of humor is better or worse, who are smarter or dumber and/or who are more or less picky than I am and they have romantic partners. So, the answer is not that there is something “wrong” with me, because there are people who are “wronger” or “righter” than me and they may or may not have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
But what is the question and once that is determined, then what are the answers?
Getting back to where I started this post, as I reflect on my life, I think the correct response to the as yet unidentified question is “I do not see God in her eyes.”
Tomorrow’s Post: That Ain’t God In Her Eyes!!
I have heard the questions: “What’s wrong with you? You have a job, you’re not bad looking, you have a good sense of humor, you seem intelligent; so what’s your problem? Is it possible that you are too picky?”
All of those questions and any more that you can think of miss the point. Think about it for a moment. There are people with better or worse jobs, who are better or worse looking, whose sense of humor is better or worse, who are smarter or dumber and/or who are more or less picky than I am and they have romantic partners. So, the answer is not that there is something “wrong” with me, because there are people who are “wronger” or “righter” than me and they may or may not have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
But what is the question and once that is determined, then what are the answers?
Getting back to where I started this post, as I reflect on my life, I think the correct response to the as yet unidentified question is “I do not see God in her eyes.”
Tomorrow’s Post: That Ain’t God In Her Eyes!!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Changing Seasons
It seemed like not too long ago, we were sweating out a torturous Indian summer with temperatures in the 90’s. But now, the season has changed. Fall is definitely in the air and winter is fast approaching. Some places have already had snow and others have had frost warnings. And is it me or does Christmas seem to come sooner each year?
The changing weather that accompanies each season is predictable. For the most part, summers are hot, spring is full of new blooms, fall is for crisp afternoon temperatures (and football!!) and winter is for cold. We know what to expect based on the season we are in.
Unfortunately, the particular season of our Christian singleness is not as clear. Is true love around the corner? Will I meet my soul mate? Is this my season to hope or to accept that some dreams do not come true?
No one definitively answer these questions for ourselves. Sure those who want to sell a lot of books or cd’s or sellout convention halls will tickle our ears with sayings like “What God has for me is for me”. But is that really the truth of our respective situations? Maybe the one that got away was the last “One” for me. Maybe what I am today is what I will always be. Maybe the happy ending I am looking for is not the happy ending I will come to appreciate.
This post is really about questions and not answers. Some of you may be tempted to toss a few clichés and pseudo spiritual sayings. Go ahead if you must. But, tonight I am just going to pose the questions. I will leave it to you to answer as you see fit.
What season are you in the midst of your singleness?
The changing weather that accompanies each season is predictable. For the most part, summers are hot, spring is full of new blooms, fall is for crisp afternoon temperatures (and football!!) and winter is for cold. We know what to expect based on the season we are in.
Unfortunately, the particular season of our Christian singleness is not as clear. Is true love around the corner? Will I meet my soul mate? Is this my season to hope or to accept that some dreams do not come true?
No one definitively answer these questions for ourselves. Sure those who want to sell a lot of books or cd’s or sellout convention halls will tickle our ears with sayings like “What God has for me is for me”. But is that really the truth of our respective situations? Maybe the one that got away was the last “One” for me. Maybe what I am today is what I will always be. Maybe the happy ending I am looking for is not the happy ending I will come to appreciate.
This post is really about questions and not answers. Some of you may be tempted to toss a few clichés and pseudo spiritual sayings. Go ahead if you must. But, tonight I am just going to pose the questions. I will leave it to you to answer as you see fit.
What season are you in the midst of your singleness?
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Relationships, Not Clichés
Sometimes, it is hard for us to see what is going on because we are too close. Also, most of us are so caught up in our own opinions and desires that we miss out on experiencing true connections with others. Sure we talk a good game about caring for others, but subconsciously, we are just seeing things purely from our narrow perspectives.
Many of our relationships are just rusted out containers housing tired old clichés. Consequently, we feel frustrated because people don’t really understand us. We lament the fact that people who claim to love us really don’t feel our pain. We bemoan the fact that our friends don’t really understand the baggage of hurt we carry. We wonder why those in our inner circle don’t really trust us the way we feel they should. The same questions you have about others are being posed by others about you.
How can Christian singles move beyond the cliché tainted relationships we have with others?
Many of our relationships are just rusted out containers housing tired old clichés. Consequently, we feel frustrated because people don’t really understand us. We lament the fact that people who claim to love us really don’t feel our pain. We bemoan the fact that our friends don’t really understand the baggage of hurt we carry. We wonder why those in our inner circle don’t really trust us the way we feel they should. The same questions you have about others are being posed by others about you.
How can Christian singles move beyond the cliché tainted relationships we have with others?
- Strive to love others as God loves us. A major characteristic of Godly love is self-sacrifice.
- Put others’ needs above your needs. It’s not about what is good for you. Make it about what is good for others.
- Listen with your heart as well as with your ears. Stop listening only to see how you can get what you want.
- Trust others like you want to be trusted. Let’s stop assuming the worst about each other.
- Let your first impulse be to forgive instead of to seek revenge. We should love others more when they are behave in unlovable ways.
- Actively seek opportunities to inconvenience yourself to help others. Yes, go out of your way to uplift the people in your life!
- Practice, practice and practice some more your trust in God that He will take care of you if you put all of your energies in selflessly helping others. It is an outright lie that God helps those who help themselves! The spiritual truth is that God helps those who help others.
Relationships should be a source of joy and peace, not occasions for suspicions, frustrations and unhappiness. Christian singles should strive to set the standard for how friends, lovers, family and associates interact with each other. My prayer is that we will drop-kick those useless clichés and embrace the true power of genuine relationships.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Not Me
All of us need some help now and then. Life comes us at fast and it can knock us for a loop. To help us make it through the rough times, Christian singles need to be willing to come to the support of each other. When I am down, hopefully you will be there to life me up. When you are down, hopefully I will be there to uplift you.
If this blog has been a source of motivation for you, then I thank God that it has had that effect for you. If because of reading my posts, you have a more spiritual view of your singleness, then I feel good that I have played a positive part. If you feel like this blog has contributed to your spiritual maturation, then I rejoice in the reality that God can even use someone like me to help you.
When you celebrate your moments of victory, look to God, not me. When you want to lift someone ‘s name in recognition for those times you have overcome, look in God’s direction, not towards me. When you are able to stand up to the threats of loneliness, depression or other negative emotions, congratulate God, not me!!
My prayer is that you will continue to become more like what God has envisioned for you to become. Should I claim any credit if this blog has helped you along that path? I think not! Each positive step you have made is an affirmation of the glory of God. He is the deliverer. He is the reason for all of our positive seasons. He is the one who should get all of the credit.
NOT ME!!
If this blog has been a source of motivation for you, then I thank God that it has had that effect for you. If because of reading my posts, you have a more spiritual view of your singleness, then I feel good that I have played a positive part. If you feel like this blog has contributed to your spiritual maturation, then I rejoice in the reality that God can even use someone like me to help you.
When you celebrate your moments of victory, look to God, not me. When you want to lift someone ‘s name in recognition for those times you have overcome, look in God’s direction, not towards me. When you are able to stand up to the threats of loneliness, depression or other negative emotions, congratulate God, not me!!
My prayer is that you will continue to become more like what God has envisioned for you to become. Should I claim any credit if this blog has helped you along that path? I think not! Each positive step you have made is an affirmation of the glory of God. He is the deliverer. He is the reason for all of our positive seasons. He is the one who should get all of the credit.
NOT ME!!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Growing Backward?
A key characteristic of all living things is that they are dynamic. Living things move, grow and change. Sometimes the changes are dramatic and other times, they are almost not noticeable.
Being a Christian single should also be a dynamic process. We should constantly be in a process of becoming more like what God has envisioned for us to become. Also, we should be positive catalysts for helping others to grow toward their potential. If we are not growing in God’s direction; then we will be “growing” in the direction of the evil forces of this world.
If you still are as likely to cuss someone out as you were before you were saved, you are growing backwards. If you still cannot mention your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend’s name without getting angry, then you are growing backwards. If you just as easily jump in bed with Mr. or Miss Look So Good now as you did before God turned your life around, then you are growing backward. If you are as depressed, loneliness and sexually frustrated as you were earlier in your Christian singleness journey, then you are growing backward.
Take it from me; you are heading towards some pretty bad times if you continue to go in the opposite direction of God’s way. No boogie wonderland for you!! You think you are lonely or depressed or sexually frustrated now? Keep on growing backwards and you will really find how desperate times will become.
Isn’t there a song that says, “He picked me up and turned me around. He planted my feet on solid ground”? Well, God has already picked us up. He has already turned us around. But somewhere we managed to “re-turn” our selves around in the opposite direction. We started off with God as the source of our joy and the reservoir of our deliverance. But we have managed to snatch pain and a sense of emptiness from the joys of spiritual victory.
My prayer for you today is that you will keep your big feet where God has planted them! Growing toward God’s way is the way of joy, hope, optimism and peace. We all have found out the hard way that the opposite direction is nothing but a fast track to pure doom and gloom. In the words of another Earth, Wind & Fire song, I pray that you will keep your head to the sky.
Being a Christian single should also be a dynamic process. We should constantly be in a process of becoming more like what God has envisioned for us to become. Also, we should be positive catalysts for helping others to grow toward their potential. If we are not growing in God’s direction; then we will be “growing” in the direction of the evil forces of this world.
If you still are as likely to cuss someone out as you were before you were saved, you are growing backwards. If you still cannot mention your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend’s name without getting angry, then you are growing backwards. If you just as easily jump in bed with Mr. or Miss Look So Good now as you did before God turned your life around, then you are growing backward. If you are as depressed, loneliness and sexually frustrated as you were earlier in your Christian singleness journey, then you are growing backward.
Take it from me; you are heading towards some pretty bad times if you continue to go in the opposite direction of God’s way. No boogie wonderland for you!! You think you are lonely or depressed or sexually frustrated now? Keep on growing backwards and you will really find how desperate times will become.
Isn’t there a song that says, “He picked me up and turned me around. He planted my feet on solid ground”? Well, God has already picked us up. He has already turned us around. But somewhere we managed to “re-turn” our selves around in the opposite direction. We started off with God as the source of our joy and the reservoir of our deliverance. But we have managed to snatch pain and a sense of emptiness from the joys of spiritual victory.
My prayer for you today is that you will keep your big feet where God has planted them! Growing toward God’s way is the way of joy, hope, optimism and peace. We all have found out the hard way that the opposite direction is nothing but a fast track to pure doom and gloom. In the words of another Earth, Wind & Fire song, I pray that you will keep your head to the sky.
Boogie Wonderland!
Okay, I admit it! I was watching the animated movie, "Happy Feet" on Friday night. If I had to summarize what that movie was about: A penguin who lacks a good singing voice must use his only other talent to find true love. That talent turns out to "happy" or dancing feet.
But what really caught my attention was the inclusion of the song, "Boogie Wonderland" originally written and performed by Earth, Wind & Fire in the 80's. (Y'all don't know nothing about that, but that's another story!!)
One line in that song is: All the need to love can't be gone. All the need to love can't be wrong.
As Christian singles, isn't that our hope? Like the penguin in "Happy Feet", we are looking for love, but sometimes we feel we are not properly equipped to accomplish that task. Maybe I'm not cute or attractive enough. Maybe I'm too fat or too skinny. Maybe I'm not smart enough or maybe I'm too intelligent. Maybe I feel I don't know what to say around prospective romantic partners. Maybe I'm too young or old. Maybe I should have gone to college or maybe I should have a different job.
Surely the need to love and be loved that I have is not gone. Surely the need to love that I feel is not wrong!!
There are no quick and easy answers to the questions we throw at ourselves. To be honest, it is possible that we are some of the things we asked about in the above paragraph. Thank God that there is a but! I may be too fat or too skinny or too young or too old or whatever, but God has also allowed me to be ENOUGH for someone. Like the penguin in the movie, sometimes we have to remove ourselves (or be removed) from our comfort zone to find our true place in this life.
If that is the path that we must take, I strongly encourage you to take God along with you. I suppose you could find your own way eventually. Sometimes people do experience blind luck. But I refuse to bet my romantic prospects on dumb luck. Rather, I am going to ask God to conduct me to my personal version of Boogie Wonderland.
Hey, if a penguin who can't sing can find true love, why not me?!
But what really caught my attention was the inclusion of the song, "Boogie Wonderland" originally written and performed by Earth, Wind & Fire in the 80's. (Y'all don't know nothing about that, but that's another story!!)
One line in that song is: All the need to love can't be gone. All the need to love can't be wrong.
As Christian singles, isn't that our hope? Like the penguin in "Happy Feet", we are looking for love, but sometimes we feel we are not properly equipped to accomplish that task. Maybe I'm not cute or attractive enough. Maybe I'm too fat or too skinny. Maybe I'm not smart enough or maybe I'm too intelligent. Maybe I feel I don't know what to say around prospective romantic partners. Maybe I'm too young or old. Maybe I should have gone to college or maybe I should have a different job.
Surely the need to love and be loved that I have is not gone. Surely the need to love that I feel is not wrong!!
There are no quick and easy answers to the questions we throw at ourselves. To be honest, it is possible that we are some of the things we asked about in the above paragraph. Thank God that there is a but! I may be too fat or too skinny or too young or too old or whatever, but God has also allowed me to be ENOUGH for someone. Like the penguin in the movie, sometimes we have to remove ourselves (or be removed) from our comfort zone to find our true place in this life.
If that is the path that we must take, I strongly encourage you to take God along with you. I suppose you could find your own way eventually. Sometimes people do experience blind luck. But I refuse to bet my romantic prospects on dumb luck. Rather, I am going to ask God to conduct me to my personal version of Boogie Wonderland.
Hey, if a penguin who can't sing can find true love, why not me?!
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Let’s Get Drunk Together!!
There is a commercial on television that reminds us that life comes at us fast. Christian singles can definitely relate to that!
Here you are trying to live a righteous life and then Mr. or Miss Look So Good walks into view. Before you catch yourself, you start thinking and wondering and eventually lusting.
It’s Friday night and everyone you know is celebrating the start of another weekend baby! But not you. What times does that show come on the television tonight. Buckle up, it’s going to be another lonely night.
You make a quick run to the store to pick up some items. You go down the canned vegetable isle and you see a husband and wife and their 3 “bad” kids talking about stuff that married folks talk about and you silently wonder “Why not me?” You go over to the meat section and while looking at a package of turkey sausage, you see a boyfriend and girlfriend holding hands as they float by in obvious bliss. You put that sausage down and you look to the left and to the right and to the front and to the back and it hits you like a ton of bricks: EVERYBODY got somebody but me! Even that lady with the bad hair and that dude with the high-water pants.
Guess what? You are a Christian single and life is coming at you real fast! Don’t look now but loneliness, depression, sexual frustration and even anger are on the way.
In times like this, what do our unsaved friends do? They call each other and say, “Let’s get drunk together!” They meet up and they get their drink on and lament how life is doing them wrong. They laugh together, cry together, share secrets they probably should have kept to themselves and they offer some semblance of support.
But Christian singles, what do we do? What if we could find the spiritual alternative to “Let’s get drunk together?” Instead of getting mad at God or our ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend or that person who did not return your gestures of affection or even yourself, why not find someone to do the equivalent of “getting drunk” with? Wait! Put that bottle of wine down! Instead, be the kind of friend that people can genuinely turn to when life came at them a little too fast. If two people can get drunk and slobber their sorrows away, surely Christian singles can get together to take away each other’s pain.
Here you are trying to live a righteous life and then Mr. or Miss Look So Good walks into view. Before you catch yourself, you start thinking and wondering and eventually lusting.
It’s Friday night and everyone you know is celebrating the start of another weekend baby! But not you. What times does that show come on the television tonight. Buckle up, it’s going to be another lonely night.
You make a quick run to the store to pick up some items. You go down the canned vegetable isle and you see a husband and wife and their 3 “bad” kids talking about stuff that married folks talk about and you silently wonder “Why not me?” You go over to the meat section and while looking at a package of turkey sausage, you see a boyfriend and girlfriend holding hands as they float by in obvious bliss. You put that sausage down and you look to the left and to the right and to the front and to the back and it hits you like a ton of bricks: EVERYBODY got somebody but me! Even that lady with the bad hair and that dude with the high-water pants.
Guess what? You are a Christian single and life is coming at you real fast! Don’t look now but loneliness, depression, sexual frustration and even anger are on the way.
In times like this, what do our unsaved friends do? They call each other and say, “Let’s get drunk together!” They meet up and they get their drink on and lament how life is doing them wrong. They laugh together, cry together, share secrets they probably should have kept to themselves and they offer some semblance of support.
But Christian singles, what do we do? What if we could find the spiritual alternative to “Let’s get drunk together?” Instead of getting mad at God or our ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend or that person who did not return your gestures of affection or even yourself, why not find someone to do the equivalent of “getting drunk” with? Wait! Put that bottle of wine down! Instead, be the kind of friend that people can genuinely turn to when life came at them a little too fast. If two people can get drunk and slobber their sorrows away, surely Christian singles can get together to take away each other’s pain.
Just One Of Those Days
Today was an interesting day. I woke up feeling somewhat melancholy for no particular reason. As I was preparing for church, I played a mixed cd by Ben Tankard. He is a gospel musician who plays the piano and his songs tend to be very melodious which some people may call “thinking music”. That is, music that inspires moments of reflection and deep thoughts. So, needless to say, the Ben Tankard cd did not help alleviate my feelings of pensiveness.
On that cd, there is a song called, “Jesus Knows”. The chorus is “Don’t worry because Jesus knows”. How comforting a notion! Whatever it is that we are going through, He knows. We may not have a clue as to get out of the mess we have put ourselves in, but He knows. There may be someone in our lives who may bring challenges that we cannot handle. But Jesus knows. Every once in awhile, that is all we have. Our mental capacities and our skill levels are not enough to solve the dilemma we are facing. Others in our lives either are not aware of our problems or they don’t have a solution to them. When I say ALL we have at times is the notion that Jesus knows; I mean there is no where or nobody else to turn to. If Jesus can’t fix it, then it won’t be fixed.
But, I don’t think my melancholy mood is because of some problems in my life that are stressing me out. But something about the fact that even though I don’t know the cause of my mood; believing that Jesus knows is a source of comfort. So having “one of those” days” where I can’t figure out why I feel the way I do; I have to hold on to the one fact I should never forget. Jesus knows!
This day is almost over and I still feel the same way I felt when I woke up. Maybe tomorrow will be a day of unrestrained joy. Maybe not. I certainly don’t know the answer to that question. It could be that tomorrow could be just another one of those days. But praise God for the fact that I can rest assured that He knows!
On that cd, there is a song called, “Jesus Knows”. The chorus is “Don’t worry because Jesus knows”. How comforting a notion! Whatever it is that we are going through, He knows. We may not have a clue as to get out of the mess we have put ourselves in, but He knows. There may be someone in our lives who may bring challenges that we cannot handle. But Jesus knows. Every once in awhile, that is all we have. Our mental capacities and our skill levels are not enough to solve the dilemma we are facing. Others in our lives either are not aware of our problems or they don’t have a solution to them. When I say ALL we have at times is the notion that Jesus knows; I mean there is no where or nobody else to turn to. If Jesus can’t fix it, then it won’t be fixed.
But, I don’t think my melancholy mood is because of some problems in my life that are stressing me out. But something about the fact that even though I don’t know the cause of my mood; believing that Jesus knows is a source of comfort. So having “one of those” days” where I can’t figure out why I feel the way I do; I have to hold on to the one fact I should never forget. Jesus knows!
This day is almost over and I still feel the same way I felt when I woke up. Maybe tomorrow will be a day of unrestrained joy. Maybe not. I certainly don’t know the answer to that question. It could be that tomorrow could be just another one of those days. But praise God for the fact that I can rest assured that He knows!
Why Don’t We Believe?
You know, people are quick to jump to the wrong conclusions. We see a male and female talking and we assume that they are “involved”. We call a friend on the phone and they don’t answer and we assume that he or she is out on a date. We hear that someone we know is helping someone of the opposite sex with a problem and we assume that something romantic is going on.
Why don’t we believe?
We should always do the right things because it is the right thing to do. Not because it might increase our chances of hooking up. Not because it might work to our selfish interests. Not because it manipulates someone else in to giving us what we want. No, no and no! Do it because we should do what we can to help others and to uplift them.
Why don’t we believe?
I can only speculate why we choose to impose sexual or romantic ulterior motives on the good deeds of others. Maybe Billy was helping Sally with some yard work because that is what Billy felt Sally needed. Maybe Sherry is helping John study for the upcoming exam because that is what she feels John needs. Perhaps their motives are pure and those of us who think otherwise, maybe our motives are what need to be examined.
Resolve this day to believe and be believable. Believe that people are capable and willing to do good things with no secret motives. But also, be believable in the sense that you will do good things with no expectation of a reward. Trust God to sort things out and to provide what you need without you trying to force His hand. All of us can use some help every now and then. But let’s make a point of not making things worse by trying to twist our good deeds into opportunities to get our own hustle on.
Why don’t we believe?
We should always do the right things because it is the right thing to do. Not because it might increase our chances of hooking up. Not because it might work to our selfish interests. Not because it manipulates someone else in to giving us what we want. No, no and no! Do it because we should do what we can to help others and to uplift them.
Why don’t we believe?
I can only speculate why we choose to impose sexual or romantic ulterior motives on the good deeds of others. Maybe Billy was helping Sally with some yard work because that is what Billy felt Sally needed. Maybe Sherry is helping John study for the upcoming exam because that is what she feels John needs. Perhaps their motives are pure and those of us who think otherwise, maybe our motives are what need to be examined.
Resolve this day to believe and be believable. Believe that people are capable and willing to do good things with no secret motives. But also, be believable in the sense that you will do good things with no expectation of a reward. Trust God to sort things out and to provide what you need without you trying to force His hand. All of us can use some help every now and then. But let’s make a point of not making things worse by trying to twist our good deeds into opportunities to get our own hustle on.
Way Off!
Relationships are fragile things, wouldn’t you agree? That’s all the more reason to go running through life’s store of delicate feelings and egos like a bull in a china shop. But unfortunately, that is exactly what we do.
In short, we are often WAY OFF when it comes to truly relating to each other.
Most of us, this includes YOU, only see what we want to see about others. We live in a world where people send cards of condolences because it furthers their secret agenda. Far too often, we do nice things because of the nice feelings it generates in us, not the other person. We go to that meeting or attend that musical recital or go to that graduation because of what we think we can get out of the deal.
Why do we persist in being WAY OFF in our interactions with each?
Emails get sent, phone calls are made, text messages are typed and cell phone are “hit” not because of concern about the person you are making contact. Rather, it’s all about the possibility of making a love connection or getting that sexual itch scratched. Or maybe you need to feel sexy or attractive or wanted or important. Maybe your ego is in need of being stroked.
All of that is all about being WAY OFF. And then we wonder why are relationships are so unfulfilling? Why do we feel frustrated or lonely or hurt?
It is time we Christian singles get back to being WAY ON.
From now on, let’s make our actions about helping OTHERS, building up OTHERS, supporting OTHERS, and elevating Others. The good that you do; stop making it about you and your needs. Trust God to provide for you. You focus on allowing God to help you be a blessing to others.
Yes, relationships are fragile things. Let’s not go bumping through our interactions only fulfilling our selfish lusts and desires. That’s a person with feelings that you are using to get a little something-something for yourself! See, truly SEE the other person. You shrink and allow them to grow.
When you learn the spiritual art of putting others first, God will bless you beyond your expectations. God blesses those that help…..OTHERS.
In short, we are often WAY OFF when it comes to truly relating to each other.
Most of us, this includes YOU, only see what we want to see about others. We live in a world where people send cards of condolences because it furthers their secret agenda. Far too often, we do nice things because of the nice feelings it generates in us, not the other person. We go to that meeting or attend that musical recital or go to that graduation because of what we think we can get out of the deal.
Why do we persist in being WAY OFF in our interactions with each?
Emails get sent, phone calls are made, text messages are typed and cell phone are “hit” not because of concern about the person you are making contact. Rather, it’s all about the possibility of making a love connection or getting that sexual itch scratched. Or maybe you need to feel sexy or attractive or wanted or important. Maybe your ego is in need of being stroked.
All of that is all about being WAY OFF. And then we wonder why are relationships are so unfulfilling? Why do we feel frustrated or lonely or hurt?
It is time we Christian singles get back to being WAY ON.
From now on, let’s make our actions about helping OTHERS, building up OTHERS, supporting OTHERS, and elevating Others. The good that you do; stop making it about you and your needs. Trust God to provide for you. You focus on allowing God to help you be a blessing to others.
Yes, relationships are fragile things. Let’s not go bumping through our interactions only fulfilling our selfish lusts and desires. That’s a person with feelings that you are using to get a little something-something for yourself! See, truly SEE the other person. You shrink and allow them to grow.
When you learn the spiritual art of putting others first, God will bless you beyond your expectations. God blesses those that help…..OTHERS.
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