As many of you know, Oprah Winfrey has opened up a girl’s school in South Africa. During an interview on CNN about her efforts, she used the phrase, Competing for the common good. Of all that she said, that phrase caught my attention. Why? That phrase touched me because in our relationships, we often compete to win. Winning in this case usually means “I win” and “You lose”. Sadly, many of relationships are characterized by silly power struggles.
- Don’t be the first to call, let the other person give in first.
- Don’t apologize until after the other person does.
- Never let the other person get the last word in.
- Don’t give in because the other person will view you as weak.
- Wait to express your feelings until after the other person does so.
- Do not let the other person know that you like them because they may take advantage.
When we give in to these silly power plays, who wins? Nobody!!
What would happen if we all started competing for the common good? In our relationships, let's try to outdo each other in the good we do. Instead of me dominating you or you beating me, let’s see who can reach or positively influence or motivate or empower more people. Let’s allow our relationships to be characterized by the numbers of people who are uplifted by our efforts.
When people speak of us, let not the first thing that comes out of their mouths be about our singleness. Rather, let it be about the people whose lives we have changed for the better.
When we speak about each other, let it not be about how I blew your mind or how you benefited at my expense. Our relationships, platonic or romantic, should not rest on who won the latest argument or who got the “goods” (our hearts, our time, our emotions or our bodies) without having to give anything in return. It is not about being the best kisser or the best talker or being smarter or being sexier or being more cunning.
At times, we have wondered or gossiped about Oprah and her relationship with Steadman. Why aren’t they married? Will they get married? Are they still dating? But, Oprah is more than just a single person and her romantic relationship status. By the same token, we Christian singles are more than that as well. Besides, the reason why many of us do not have more success in our romantic endeavors is due to our stupid drive to compete against each other.
This year, let’s focus more on competing for the common good and less on beating each other at games where nobody wins. God wants us to do better at relating to each other and a major outcome of our relationships should be making the world a better place. It is time we focus on what is our spiritual calling and let go of our worthless needs to claim empty victories. Let’s define winning as the betterment of all people and in that spirit, let us compete for the common good. When we do that, we will have a worthy goal to shoot for and that is to JUST WIN BABY!
