As many of you know, Oprah Winfrey has opened up a girl’s school in South Africa. During an interview on CNN about her efforts, she used the phrase, Competing for the common good. Of all that she said, that phrase caught my attention. Why? That phrase touched me because in our relationships, we often compete to win. Winning in this case usually means “I win” and “You lose”. Sadly, many of relationships are characterized by silly power struggles.
- Don’t be the first to call, let the other person give in first.
- Don’t apologize until after the other person does.
- Never let the other person get the last word in.
- Don’t give in because the other person will view you as weak.
- Wait to express your feelings until after the other person does so.
- Do not let the other person know that you like them because they may take advantage.
When we give in to these silly power plays, who wins? Nobody!!
What would happen if we all started competing for the common good? In our relationships, let's try to outdo each other in the good we do. Instead of me dominating you or you beating me, let’s see who can reach or positively influence or motivate or empower more people. Let’s allow our relationships to be characterized by the numbers of people who are uplifted by our efforts.
When people speak of us, let not the first thing that comes out of their mouths be about our singleness. Rather, let it be about the people whose lives we have changed for the better.
When we speak about each other, let it not be about how I blew your mind or how you benefited at my expense. Our relationships, platonic or romantic, should not rest on who won the latest argument or who got the “goods” (our hearts, our time, our emotions or our bodies) without having to give anything in return. It is not about being the best kisser or the best talker or being smarter or being sexier or being more cunning.
At times, we have wondered or gossiped about Oprah and her relationship with Steadman. Why aren’t they married? Will they get married? Are they still dating? But, Oprah is more than just a single person and her romantic relationship status. By the same token, we Christian singles are more than that as well. Besides, the reason why many of us do not have more success in our romantic endeavors is due to our stupid drive to compete against each other.
This year, let’s focus more on competing for the common good and less on beating each other at games where nobody wins. God wants us to do better at relating to each other and a major outcome of our relationships should be making the world a better place. It is time we focus on what is our spiritual calling and let go of our worthless needs to claim empty victories. Let’s define winning as the betterment of all people and in that spirit, let us compete for the common good. When we do that, we will have a worthy goal to shoot for and that is to JUST WIN BABY!
3 comments:
It's not a matter of who called last or who is the best at whatever. It is always good to know that the other person reaches out to you also. I don't mind making that call or even a vist. But if you are always picking up that phone or dropping by in any relationship, is it because you are the only one keeping the friendship/relationship alive or does the other person really value you enough to give you a call or even drop by when their time permits?
It takes two to have a friendship, relationship or anything. If one person is doing all the work, what do you call that? It is like going to visit the sick. You do that out of kindness of your heart and you don't expect anything in return. But a friend is someone who stays in touch whether good times or bad. No matter who called last. In a relationship if either party is interested, you both will call regardless. And if you continue to call and realize that the other party never calls you, maybe the other party is really not into you the way you are into them and it's time to let it go.
This is an edited version of comments left by a reader. - KEVIN
I noticed in your article you referred to many actions as a “power struggle”; when I would refer to them as “missed opportunities to be blessed and to be a blessing”. When we are victims to any and all of these actions such as refusing to make the first move, extend an invitation, apologize first or wait to express your feelings, we take the advantages away that allow us to grow in a relationship.
As Christians we are not created with any power, the power is in God’s hands and we have been given the power to command God’s hands, not man. So often we are referred to as being over aggressive, desperate, or loose if we go after what we want, therefore we cheat ourselves by waiting to be chosen and allow someone else to control our future.
It is far more important to have those people in my life than it is for someone to refer to me as a strong or tough individual. The term “out doing” for me means “serving God” and I refuse to allow anyone to out serve me. Simply being in tune with the other person’s feelings and caring about ones happiness is just like God, so that will be me.
M
In our relationships, the important thing is to "COMPETE FOR THE COMMON GOOD". This means to look out for what is best for the group or for others. If we put the interests of others before our interests, we will be acting more like God would have us to act.
The ultimate expression of trust in God is to put our attention to helping or benefitting others and leaving Him to help us.
Post a Comment