Order My Steps!

Many of us view our spirituality as something that applies to the BIG things in our lives. For example, we do not steal, we are generally nice to most people and we would never really murder someone. Being spiritual with the BIG things in our lives is the easy part. It is the little stuff that is difficult!!

Sure we ask God to order our steps when it comes time to ponder a possible new job opportunity or consider starting a family or whether or not to put our ailing parents in a nursing home. It’s easy to ask God’s advice on those types of things. But how often have we looked to Him when the seemingly mundane actions occur? Instead of seeking God to order our steps in those mundane instances, we often just go on impulse.

What do we do when:

• Someone steals our romantic partner. Slash their tires? Not necessarily, say "Order my steps, Lord!"
• Somebody cuts their eyes at us during choir rehearsal. Stare them down? Not necessarily, say "Order my steps, Lord!"
• The teller mistakenly short changes us by $5. Ask to speak to the manager? Not necessarily, say "Order my steps, Lord!"
• A friend is 15 minutes late. Fuss at him/her? Not necessarily, say "Order my steps, Lord!"
• A lazy co-worker leaves us to do all the work. Complain to the boss? Not necessarily, say "Order my steps, Lord!"
  
  

What is the point of this? In our familial, platonic, work and romantic relationships, we will be faced with “little” incidents that will lead to a response from us. Our impulses will suggest the “logical” reaction we should have. But does that logical response match how God would want us to act in that particular situation?

Wait a minute! You mean to tell me that God cares about how we act when someone steals our boyfriend or girlfriend or when a lazy co-worker plays on the computer while we are busting our rumps? Yes! God appreciates that we ask His advice about the new job opportunities or other BIG things, but He also wants to guide us with the LITTLE stuff we deal with. Besides, the impulsive things we do that seem logical often end up destroying relationships, not nurturing them. God is not calling us to have shattered relationships, but healthy ones.

Order our steps, Lord in every BIG and LITTLE situation. May we grow in our ability to resist giving into our so-called logical impulses and rely more on what Your will is. May our growing reliance on Your guidance result in Your blessed favors being granted to us and to those we are in relationships with.

HERO!

Last week, we were all amazed to read or hear about Wesley Autrey, a 50 year-old construction worker who risked his life to save the life of stranger who had fallen in the path of an oncoming subway train. Without a doubt, Mr. Autrey is a hero who faced tremendous risks to save the day for a potential victim.

For this modern-day hero, he says it was a split decision. He saw someone who needed help and he just did what he had to do. I can imagine that if he had it to do all over again and he gave it more than a “split second” worth of thought, he may have at least hesitated. During that possible moment of hesitation, he may have pondered, “What will happen to my two daughters if something should happen to me?” or “How will they be affected if they see my killed by an oncoming train?” If he allowed these and other thoughts to linger in his mind, he may have decided NOT to put himself at risk to save someone else. But he did not let thoughts get in the way of doing what he felt he had to do.

As Christian singles, are we willing to do what we have to do to be HEROES in the lives of the people we interact with? Or do we allow THOUGHTS to keep us from putting ourselves at risk:

• “I am not going to give this beggar any money because he is probably going to spend it on a bottle of wine.” (We risk “wasting” our hard-earned money.)
• “I am not going to answer the phone call from that specific person because they only call when they need something.” (We risk being inconvenienced.)
• “I am no longer going to be nice to this person because they are always mean to me.” (We risk being hurt again.)
• “I am not going to forgive that person because he or she broke my heart.” (We risk being taken advantage of.)
  
  

The more we THINK about the situations that spring up in our lives, the more likely it is that we will NOT do the right things that God is calling us to do. We Christian singles are being called to help out the less fortunate, help those in need, love even our enemies and forgive, among other things. Doing these things makes us a HERO because they open the possibility that those we interact with can be saved or rescued from their bad situations. If we don’t help nor love nor forgive, how are the people we relate to going to be delivered?

Don’t think about it! Just do the right things as the Spirit is leading you. You never know if the Divine call to action is the one action that will change someone’s life for the better. But God knows and we should just trust Him. When we put God before our THOUGHTS, we position ourselves to someone else’s HERO!

Just Win, Baby!

As many of you know, Oprah Winfrey has opened up a girl’s school in South Africa. During an interview on CNN about her efforts, she used the phrase, Competing for the common good. Of all that she said, that phrase caught my attention. Why? That phrase touched me because in our relationships, we often compete to win. Winning in this case usually means “I win” and “You lose”. Sadly, many of relationships are characterized by silly power struggles.

• Don’t be the first to call, let the other person give in first.
• Don’t apologize until after the other person does.
• Never let the other person get the last word in.
• Don’t give in because the other person will view you as weak.
• Wait to express your feelings until after the other person does so.
• Do not let the other person know that you like them because they may take advantage.
  
  

When we give in to these silly power plays, who wins? Nobody!!

What would happen if we all started competing for the common good? In our relationships, let's try to outdo each other in the good we do. Instead of me dominating you or you beating me, let’s see who can reach or positively influence or motivate or empower more people. Let’s allow our relationships to be characterized by the numbers of people who are uplifted by our efforts.

When people speak of us, let not the first thing that comes out of their mouths be about our singleness. Rather, let it be about the people whose lives we have changed for the better.

When we speak about each other, let it not be about how I blew your mind or how you benefited at my expense. Our relationships, platonic or romantic, should not rest on who won the latest argument or who got the “goods” (our hearts, our time, our emotions or our bodies) without having to give anything in return. It is not about being the best kisser or the best talker or being smarter or being sexier or being more cunning.

At times, we have wondered or gossiped about Oprah and her relationship with Steadman. Why aren’t they married? Will they get married? Are they still dating? But, Oprah is more than just a single person and her romantic relationship status. By the same token, we Christian singles are more than that as well. Besides, the reason why many of us do not have more success in our romantic endeavors is due to our stupid drive to compete against each other.

This year, let’s focus more on competing for the common good and less on beating each other at games where nobody wins. God wants us to do better at relating to each other and a major outcome of our relationships should be making the world a better place. It is time we focus on what is our spiritual calling and let go of our worthless needs to claim empty victories. Let’s define winning as the betterment of all people and in that spirit, let us compete for the common good. When we do that, we will have a worthy goal to shoot for and that is to JUST WIN BABY!

THE Miracle of God

When we stop to really think about God, we cannot help but recognize that He is awesome and full of miraculous power. He is the creator of all that we see. In creation, He was able to make sense out of chaos. Where we might have looked around and detected a mess, God was able to envision a universe. Who else but God could take extreme opposites like light and darkness, the concepts of up and down, east/west and north/south, all of which existed in a timeless void and come up with order, time and space? No one else but God!

What about the miraculous displays of His power and wisdom in our lives? We do not do the things we used to do. Those things we could not resist nor handle no longer have their hold on us. Those nasty words we spoke we no longer allow to pollute our mouths. Where we used to act as if God was the furthest thing from our minds, we now recognize that we cannot live without Him. There were illnesses we could not shake, emotional depressions we could not climb out of, bad relationships we could not get out of our system, financial obligations we could not pay and broken hearts that we thought would destroy us. But thank God, He worked miracles in our lives!

But what is THE miracle of God? As we ponder Him, it is no wonder that we are drawn to Him. He is a creator, a protector, a rock in a weary land, a lover of our souls, a healer, a keeper and so much more. Of course we will worship God! He is worthy of every ounce of praise we can muster. Only a fool would not honor such an awesome being!

It is a spiritual no-brainer that we serve and honor God. It only makes sense to do so, even though so many miss what is so obvious to us. To me, THE miracle of God is that He even bothers with us. Who are we that He should even be mindful of us? We can’t enhance Him. We can’t give Him something that He doesn’t already own. We have no political connections or network affiliations that would benefit Him. It is inexplicable that He has chosen to love us anyway without condition.

Given THE miracle of God’s choice to put up with us, how ironic is it that we choose to not nurture our relationships with each other? How many potential interactions have we destroyed because the person was not pretty enough, not politically powerful enough, not slick enough, not rich enough, not strong enough or not enough enough? God chose to put His ego to the side, yet we have allowed our pride to shatter our connections to each other. While God chose love as His mode of connection to us instead of fear or intimidation or domination, so many of us have allowed our fears to ruin our links with each other. For many of us, instead of truly loving each other, we have desperately sought to dominate or intimidate others into relating to us.

Bottom line - God granted us THE miracle of His willingness to bond to us, but we have denied that same miracle in our platonic, family and romantic relationships.

In 2007, I pray that THE miracle God has given us will be repeated in our relationships with each other.

It's Sunday Morning

For many of us, as we progress through the week, we look forward to the weekend. We’ve worked hard and gotten out of bed earlier than we would like. The weekend affords the opportunity to slow down a little. But as it often turns out, our weekends can be just as hectic as our workweek.

How about Sunday morning? Do we look forward to that day? Sunday morning should be a time of renewed fellowship with like-minded Christians. We all have gone through our challenges during the week and Sunday morning is an opportunity to reflect on what has happened and become revitalized for what is to come.

It is my prayer that single Christians will look forward to Sunday morning with as much anticipation as they look forward to the weekend. Sunday morning is you and God time! What can be better than that? A direct result of this special time is a renewed understanding of how to better relate to others and a growing awareness of those areas in our lives we need to work on. We should not leave the worship experience as convinced of our false sense of perfection as when we entered! Also, Sunday morning should be a time we look at ourselves and leave the judgments and “holier than thou” sentiments in the sea of forgetfulness.

Thank God its Sunday Morning!

My New Years Resolution For 2006

At the beginning of 2006, I made the resolution to use technology to better connect with people. My intention was to use the internet, emails, the telephone, text messages and whatever else I could think of to establish and maintain more solid relationships. To fulfill this resolution, I sent one-to-one emails (not group or junk emails), text messages, made phone calls, sent personal e-card greetings to people on their birthdays, emailed holiday greetings (Memorial Day, July 4th, Thanksgiving and Christmas) to everyone in my contact list, etc.

So how did I do or more specifically, did I succeed in establishing and maintaining more solid relationships in 2006? If I had to grade myself on my 2006 resolution, I would give myself a D minus. Why so low? Because I was not able to achieve the kinds of improved or deeper relationships I was seeking. One thing I learned about people in general is that most people are not willing to go beyond the surface in their relationships with others. It seems we are all content to have acquaintances, but not real deep friends. I cannot tell you the amount of unreturned phone calls, un-answered emails, dangling text messages and lack of signs of appreciation for e-card birthday greetings I have experienced in 2006. For the most part, the same people who wished me happy birthday before 2006 were the same people who did the same this year. So, my “failure” is the fault of other people, right?

Wrong! I take full responsibility for my lack of success in fulfilling my 2006 resolution. While it would be easy for me to point fingers at others and say they “failed”, I believe the truth lies in the fact that I could have done more. (See my series of posts on “DO MORE” dated the week of December 11th through December 15th). As I reflect on my efforts in 2006, I should have done a better job of letting people know how much I sincerely care for them. (See “Seriously, I Do Care For You” on September 13th). For whatever reason, I was not able to connect in such a way with people that they wanted to connect with me. That is not their problem, but mine. I see myself as a very caring, open and compassionate person, but apparently, I have not expressed those qualities sincerely enough for other people to recognize. So, from this point on, I will try to be even more caring, open and compassionate. I will try to be even more like Jesus in my interactions with people. Pray for me that my efforts in the future will not only lead to more fulfilling relationships, but will also help me to receive a higher grade!

Stuck Like Chuck

On Christmas day, I had the privilege of serving meals to the homeless at the Salvation Army. It was a good experience and one that I think everyone should participate in. The experience was all the more interesting to me because I was employed there as the Assistant Director of Financial Development about five years ago. In that capacity, I was able to meet many of the residents at that time and I have heard many of their stories that led them to their homeless condition.

While serving on Christmas day, I met one person who was a resident of the Salvation Army while I was employed there. Seeing him there that day led me to think that some things never change. But, before I could go too far in pitying him, I also thought about me. How much has changed for me in the past 5 years?

• The amount in my savings account is about the same as it was 5 years ago.
• I am still one or two paychecks away from needing the services of the Salvation Army as I was 5 years ago.
• I did not have a girlfriend then and I don’t have one now.
• I have about the same amount of friends as I did 5 years ago.
• And the list goes on….
  
  

How about you? How many of you are stuck like chuck in your singleness?

• Do you still hold on to the same views of your singleness that you had 5 years ago?
• Are you still as scared of intimacy as you were then?
• Are you still as confused by the actions of the members of the opposite sex as you were in the past?
• Do you still have trouble finding true love as you did 5 years ago?
• Are you still as driven by your fears and your ego as you were in the past?
• And the list goes on….
  
  

Most of us singles can look back on our lives and see that we have not really changed all that much. The number one reason why we have not changed is because of our fears. God has given us the capacity to grow, but many of us are afraid of the process of change. What will we have to let go? What will we have to give up? What demons will we have to face? Often by default, we choose to hold on to what is familiar even though we know that will keep us stuck like chuck.

How crazy is that?

In the upcoming year, let’s resolve to get “unstuck” and leave ole Chuck behind. God is calling us to be more, be better and be different. With His guidance, what is it that we are afraid of?