Do you think men and women can be just friends?

This post is in response to a question that was asked. Just so everyone will know, when you comment anonymously, I have no way to respond privately to you. All I can do is respond through this blog. As for the person who left this question, I hope I adequately address it.

To set up my response to your question, let me share a few thoughts on the relationship between a husband and wife. If I were married, I would want my relationship with my wife to be "everything". That is, I would want to be her best friend, her confidante, her shoulder to cry on, her defender, her supporter, her biggest cheerleader, her lover, her keeper of secrets and so on. Ideally, our relationship would be so comprehensive that she would not NEED another friend or lover or confidante or so on. That does not mean I don't want her to have other friends, but those relationships would only augment the main relationship I hope she would have with me, her husband.

In your post, you mentioned that the men you are friends with are both in unhappy marriages. That is an important fact that you must be mindful of. I suspect that you enjoy the company of these men even though you are not "dating" them. But you must be careful that you not become the refuge for these men as they seek temporary or permanent escape from their unhappy marriages. It is natural for two people of the opposite sex who enjoy each other's company to wonder what a romantic relationship with that person would be like. So even with the best of your intentions, you may be putting yourself in a tricky situation.

Do I think men and women can be just friends? Yes. But it takes incredible discipline. I have two females that I am very good friends with, but we all must be vigilant against crossing the line. Again, it is natural for men and women who are friends to at least wonder if they should be more than friends.

A better question might be: Can a single (unmarried) person be friends with a married person of the opposite sex? Technically I guess it is possible, but I would suggest avoiding those kinds of friendships. In your case, the one wife is uncomfortable with your friendship with her husband and the other wife you are not sure about. It is natural for a spouse to be wary of friendships his or her marriage partner has with someone of the opposite sex. (It is sad that with all this down low stuff going on, people also have to be wary of same sex friendships.)

I know this may not be fair to you and it may also go beyond what you were asking, but my advice to you is to distance yourself from these friendships with these married men. Not because of anything you are doing wrong, but because of the possibility of things getting out of hand. I know you have no intention of dating these men, but their marriage can become even more unhappy even without you acting inappropriately. In short, the wives will be suspicious and they will question their husbands and that exchange (argument?) alone could cause further damage to the marriage.

Let me know what you think of my response. If you prefer to not have your situation discussed in public through this blog, email me at: goosykm@yahoo.com.