A Few Missing Details…..

Yesterday, I asked your advice on a “chance encounter” I had at a restaurant on Saturday. Intentionally, I was short on details because I wanted to see how you would “fill in the blanks”. All of the responses and comments were helpful and constructive as well as quite interesting!

One lesson I want us all to take away from last night’s post and your responses is that we have to be careful how we view events in our lives. I get the sense from my interactions with many Christian singles that “finding a mate” occupies a large part of our thoughts and energies. We often assume when we see a male and a female speaking; that they are somehow romantically involved. Also, we jump to conclusions that people do things or join this auxiliary or sing in the choir or volunteer on that committee to meet people of the opposite sex. I know that many people have made those assumptions about me. They say, “He wrote that book on singleness to meet women” or “He is active with the singles ministry at his church to have access to females” or “He sells African-American art and books to get in contact with available sistahs”. For me, I do the things I do because of my desire to help and to grow, not to enhance my dating opportunities. So, let’s be more conscious of not making the pursuit of romance the FIRST thing we think of.

A second lesson is whenever we give advice; let’s make sure we truly understand the “problem” we are trying to fix. In your comments, some of you asked what I wanted to do and one person asked where does God’s will fit in that situation? I think all of us need to take the time to ask more questions to fully understand what spiritual opportunity is being presented. Oftentimes, we THINK we know the answers to life challenges that people face and we end up giving inappropriate advice.

As I mentioned earlier, I purposely left out a few details. Let me provide them here. First of all, the young lady is a teenager. Secondly, she is a member of the same church where I attend and the conversation we had, while pleasant, was nothing about romance or hooking up or getting together. In my dealings with her and with others, my first thought is not of romance, but of spiritual growth. Remember the earlier posts on “A Different Conversation” (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/08/different-conversation.html) and “In Context” (http://mooskm.blogspot.com/2007/08/in-context.html). This young lady is a child of God and it is my first responsibility to treat her as such. Even if she were closer to my age, I still need to view her as one of God’s creations and interact with her accordingly. Yes, we are tempted to pursue romance when Mr. or Miss Look So Good or Talk So Good or Sing So Good or whatever floats your boat comes along. But is that the FIRST thing that should come to mind as Christian singles?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I appreciate your well wishes concerning my dating life. But as I was talking with the young lady on Saturday, the idea of how we jump the gun for the sake of romance came to mind. Today, my prayer for you is two-fold: 1. May you see people and circumstances as God would have you see them and 2. May your spiritual eye-sight lead you to recognize the blessings that God has, is and will send your way.