In the movie, Why Did I Get Married, Patricia (played by Janet Jackson) advised her friends to write a list of the good and the bad things that their husbands have done. Her suggestion was that if the bad list outnumbered the good, then “let him go”. But if the good outnumbered the bad, then hold on to him.
Yes, I know it is only a movie and “it is not real”, but I think a comment is warranted.
First of all, making a list is okay, but we need to be mindful of several things:
- That list is subject to change
- What is “good” and what is “bad” is subject to interpretation and mistakes can be made.
- At a given point in time, we may not remember all of the good or bad a person has done.
- So it may not be appropriate to base the continuation or ending of a relationship on a list written at a particular time.
I think the list gives the wrong impression. It assumes equal weight between good and bad acts. In truth, I believe “good” acts should carry more weight than “bad” acts. Also, the list reduces the relationship to a mathematical equation and doesn’t take into account one’s spiritual and emotional maturity.
But if you notice in the movie, the woman who played the wife of Tyler Perry’s character was in the car working on a list that seemed to be only on one side. Was that the good side or the bad side. I think that really doesn’t matter. The real value of doing a list is not in adding up the number of good and bad deeds. Rather, the value is found in the act of thinking about the relationship.
Often when we think of past relationships (or current ones), we may remember the bad things, but the good things seem to stick in our minds more. Yes, he doesn’t always call when he says he will. Yes, she may not be the most romantic person in the world. But we still can’t shake that loving feeling.
So, make those lists if you must, but don’t get caught up in a numbers game. Emotions are not the same as cold calculating rationale. There may be a million reasons why you should not be in a relationship, but love (especially Godly love) can outweigh them all. God had those million reasons to kick us to the curb, but He chose love over justice. Maybe it’s time we do the same with those special people in our lives.
2 comments:
Wow! It is amazing how we all see things differently...
Take Care,
Kevin,
We all at one time or another have done the "list". I am quite sure that you have one and still use it.
In this movie the couples were successful and had been together for a while. The point was if you are having such a bad time with your mate then write down the good things and write down the bad things.
Yes, you get to think about all of those things but if the bad out weigh the good, then maybe its time to let go. Some things are worth saving and hanging in there for. But if you are the one that is the only one trying and constantly giveing, maybe you need to let go.
TD Jakes said that we women are nurturers. We see what is underneath all that mess. We feel that if we were there, we could fix that problem. I knew, I thought that way. But maybe all things were not meant to be fixed. Sometimes, we need to make that list to give us that push to take the next step and to let go. God gave us common sense and we don't use it all the time. That list just might be what we need to move on.
LBJ"s"
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