Have you ever wondered why her and not you? What’s Shenequa got that you don’t have? Well, I suspect this is what separates Shenequa from all of you who want to get married, but so far haven’t find the “right one”:
- Shenequa didn’t talk herself out of getting involved in a new relationship by thinking and acting on the notion that all men are after one thing. Shenequa’s fiancé or husband may indeed have been after “one thing”, but somehow that was transformed into an engagement or marriage.
- Shenequa didn’t settle for the same ole, same ole. While it may have been safer to sit at home on Friday night and not risk getting her heart broken, she chose to go to the movies or out to dinner with the guy.
- Shenequa didn’t lose her trust in God that He will protect her heart and that He will send a future husband to her. Many of us talk about trusting God, but then we turn that into a lie when we are not willing to step out on faith in our interactions with new people in our lives.
- Shenequa was willing to do something different. Maybe she made the first call or maybe she sent an email that she normally would not send. Maybe she apologized even though it might make her appear to be weak. Maybe she cooked him dinner even though she really doesn’t like to cook or she doesn’t want to be expected to cook all of the time.
- Shenequa was willing to take a risk. Yes, he could have been a playa just waiting for an opportunity to break her heart. Yes, he could have been an ax murderer looking for his next victim. But, Shenequa put her trust in God to the test and was willing to rely on her spiritual gift of discretion to take a risk on the man who ended up becoming her fiancé or husband.
- Shenequa did not follow bad advice that people, even those with good intentions, often give. So what if he didn’t call when he was supposed to? So what if he has baby mama drama to deal with? So what if he doesn’t make more money than she does. So what if she has to pay for their outings every now and then? If she had a problem with her man, she went to HIM and then to him.
- In summary, Shenequa did what she had to do without losing her self-respect and without jeopardizing her spiritual health.
There are probably many more things that Shenequa did that so far, you are not willing to do. Thank God that Shenequa made it through the sometimes treacherous jungle of singleness. Praise HIM and the next time you see Shenequa, ask her what she has that you do not.
A quick note: Most, if not all of my readers are female. So this post was written to women. Before you say it, let me remind you that Shenequa could not control what her future fiancé or husband did, so you should not try to use that as an excuse either.
Okay, let me have it!
7 comments:
Kevin,
If I was bitter or jealous, I might agree with you.
We all have the opportunity to be where Shenequa is.
The only hold up is that we are looking for that ideal person with no flaws who doesn't exist.
We are looking for that male/female who has it already together. Where we don't have to wait for him/her to get where we are. You know the one. Good job, car, well manicured (no cleaning up needed). Prefect credit, no surprise baby mama/daddy drama. Saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost.
Be real okay she has kids, maybe she is a little thick. He doesn't have the greatest job and his credit sucks. Think about it for a second. You work hard for where you are in life. God has blessed you abundantly. Do I want to settle for just any Joe Blow that comes my way or do I want to share this gift and blessings with someone who is willing and able to enjoy all with me? We women are single a lot by choice because some brothers are so messed up that we feel it ain't worth it. If you can't bring something to the table how can you be my spiritual leader and King. You may make less money than I do or your credit is not all that great. But when you look down your nose because I have some issues too, why would I want you?
We are sometimes better off without a mate or companion because of the stuff we have to put up with. The majority of the time it's not worth having that person there to wrap their arms around you, or give you that good loving that we miss when you are worried about tomorrow. If they can't take care of themselves how can they take care of you?
That is why so many of us females are still single. We may not enjoy it. But it sure beats getting into something we truly wish we could get out of.
With all hope, Shenequa is young and the fiance is too. They have time to grow in God and with each other. There is no baby mama/daddy drama. They are starting out just where they should.
But when you go for the second time around, there is no time for play.
LBJ"s"
Dear LBJ"s",
The bottom line is this. You and all of us can choose to do the same things and we will get the same result. We will be alone and whine about how we have no one to love us.
On the other hand, we can get off our high horses and really put our trust in God to the test and maybe we will get different results.
Now is not the time to make excuses. If we want to find true love, we have to act like it.
That's the difference between Shenequa and us. She stopped making excuses and she stopped whining. Trust me, her fiance or husband is not perfect and she has had to settle in some areas.
There is no other way to put this. Do something different to break out of our rut or don't change and remain alone. There is no middle ground.
Dear Mr. Writer and LBJ"s",
Wow, I am sure you are going to remind me I missed the point but I don’t think sooo…I am totally in agreement with the readers on this one.
Unfortunately, Mr. Writer I agree with LBJ"s"; God is not in the settling business and why should we be? It is my belief I am single for none of the reason you have suggested. That is not to say that I don’t have issues and I am well aware everyone has issues.
My God tells me to ask and it shall be given and knock and the door will be open … Fact is none of us should ever settle.
I hope I am missing something here since this is written to women fore I am getting out of this blog the same as the other reader and that is you are telling us to settle for less in order to go from single to married that just does not seem to be a God thing but a man thing; really Mr. Writer read your article once more... it seems so one sided…settle for almost your soul mate? Correct me if I am wrong but I don’t think you are just settling are you? O, sorry this is not really about you…
To my dear sister in Christ I ditto you on this one, I see where you are coming from and I am not settling either; there are some things on my prayer list that will never change.
My God will give me the desires of my heart, not almost but exact because I believe I am in tune and have a relationship with the Lord therefore I know he loves me and has my good in mind and he wants to give me a hope and a future (not almost).
For me as a woman, I don’t mind buying meals, paying for a movie or driving my car because his car is not all that…those things for me are SIMPLE issues which WE can change; for me it is all about pushing each other up and supporting each others dreams BUT I refuse to waste the one thing I cannot get back and that is time; and some things cannot be changed by human but by the grace of God. Money and material things I can replace but not MY time.
I believe God when he talks of a season and I will wait on God no matter how long it takes, I have tried doing it my way and often I call myself helping God out and I since found out He does not need my help…so from this point farward all my relationships belong to Him.
I acknowledge yes I am a little lonely at times but I am not in a rut; I share the joy of anyone that finds love. Yet, I agree there is no middle ground on this one therefore for many things there can be no "settling".
Take Care,
Marsha
It is interesting that what you got out of this posting was to settle. The point of this posting is simple: We can whine and complain about being single and not having a special someone in our lives while doing the same things. Shenequa in this example, stopped whining, stopped complaining AND did some things differently than many of us would.
Did she settle? Absolutely not. Did she step out on faith? Absolutely yes. Did she do things that we would rather not? Absolutely yes. Did she make excuses for not being willing to change and grow? Absolutely not.
The question for us is what are we willing to do and what will we continue to make excuses about?Change and growth; that is being spiritual!
Kevin,
The writer wrote" "In summary, Shenequa did what she had to do without losing her self-respect and without jeopardizing her spiritual health".
So what if we are doing the same as Shenequa and we are coming up empty handed and with not even a friend in sight must less a date,lover or mate...We realize that our spiritual life should be about Jesus and yet you have written so many times in the blog we can have it all so "we are just being real" we want this in additional too not in place of.
Thank you,
Let me see if I can address your questions:
"So what if we are doing the same as Shenequa and we are coming up empty handed and with not even a friend in sight must (much) less a date,lover or mate?"
First of all, most of us are not doing as Shenequa. Most of us are living the same ole, same ole and expecting something new. As mentioned in another post, we are our own chief trickster. But even if we are doing the same as Shenequa, we have to remember that she went through a process. It takes time for things to happen. So not only do we need to do as Shenequa, we must also exhibit the same kind of patience that Shenequa demonstrated.
"...We realize that our spiritual life should be about Jesus and yet you have written so many times in the blog we can have it all so "we are just being real" we want this in additional too not in place of."
What does "being real" mean? What does that have to "having it all"? Be that as it may, desiring a relationship with Jesus and desiring healthy life-affirming relationships are not incompatible. I believe we can want both with the same level of intensity, as long as we allow the Spirit to guide us. God does not want to deny us healthy human relationships and He doesn't want us all to himself. We just have to make sure we don't treat Him like it is EITHER a relationship with Him or a relationship with others.
Kevin,
Thanks for the quick response and it is definitely food for thought...
By the way being "real" and "having it all" means I have taken off the mask and admitted to you and other readers with all my heart that yes Christ is my all and all yet I have a void in my life which links to a desire to be loved by that special someone (man). While I know God did it for Shenequa and 10 other people will God do it for me?
According to what I am reading Shenequa did nothing extra special but she trusted God and he did anything and everything special just for her...Despite all of this I realize Shenequa was patience and went through a process but God was still the one who did it for her, therefore I have to believe you are correct there is something I am not doing right in my spiritual life.
Again, thank you there is so much in my life I have to bring under control...for you perhaps desiring a mate has always been but for me it is somethng new...therefore I realize it is a spiritual process that I have no ideal about.
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