When BEING RIGHT Is All Wrong

Yesterday we talked about the problems with “keeping it real”. Today we are going to look at the misguided pursuit of “being right”. At first glance, it would seem that Christian singles should try to be right. When the alternative of “being wrong” is taken into account, the obvious conclusion to draw is that the path to being right is the correct path for us to choose. So what is the problem here?

Have you ever been involved in or listened to a debate where it becomes apparent that one or both parties are not listening to each other? Rather, what appears to be listening is really a strategic pause to formulate their next plan of attack. In the same vein, there are people who have held negative feelings toward others for so long that they do not remember the real reason why they have those feelings. In both cases, the person in question is more intent on “being right” than on pursuing righteousness.

For Christian singles, the pursuit of righteousness should result in the starting and maintaining of healthy relationships of all types with like-minded people. When our focus is more on proclaiming the truth (See “Keeping It Real?” from January 11, 2007) than on winning at someone else’s expense, we are positioned to enjoy the kinds of positive relationships that God wants us to have.

In most cases, whenever a relationship ends or never proceeds past the “get to know each other phase”, it is because of either our fears or our egos or both. This fact is not something that we will admit to, but an honest assessment of why many of our relationships fail will reveal our fears and/or our egos as the culprits.

The desire to “be right” at all costs results from the elevation of our false sense of pride or our submission to our usually unfounded fears. Try as we may to hide it, we have been hurt and other negative experiences have caused us to accumulate some emotional scars and bruises. We are not really as tough as we claim to be and it is hard to accept that it is okay to be vulnerable and less than perfect. (See “We Bad, Ain’t We?” on September 13, 2006) Our pride tells us to act like we are not limping through life and our fears tell us to erect barriers against people so we will not be hurt again. When our pride and fears control us like that, we do whatever we can to “be right” even when we are dead wrong and when our relationships fade away.

God has placed a premium on how we relate to each other. He ignores our declarations of love for Him when we cannot love or sustain healthy interactions with people. Can you imagine how empty our defense will appear in the Day of Judgment as we face the charges of destroying our relationships when we proclaim, “But Lord, I was trying to be right”? That will be as empty a phrase as “I am just keeping it real!”

I pray that we will do a better job of valuing our relationships with each other before it is too late. “Being right” is not worth burning the bridges to healthy and nurturing interactions. What good is “being right” when the only person who is close enough to know that is ourselves?