Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Furthest Thing From My Mind?

During a recent conversation, a friend shared that she met a man that she has become romantically involved with. What great news! The conversation was flowing along until she threw in a monkey wrench.

What about you, Kevin? Have you found someone special?”

I don’t know why, but I didn’t expect that question. It seems like it is much easier for me to rejoice in other people’s romantic successes than to turn the spotlight on my lack of romance. At this point in my life, it just seems like finding a girlfriend is the furthest thing from my mind.

But is that really the case with me? I once suggested to someone else that part of the reason why she stayed involved with so many activities was to mask the fact that her social life was empty. Maybe someone should be saying the same thing to me.

I am quite busy, but I have always prided myself in making room for that special person, should she come into my life. But I am beginning to think I am fooling myself. Contrary to what Hollywood tells us, romance just does not happen. It takes some effort and attention. I don’t have to obsess with finding a girlfriend, but I admit that I must do more than I have been doing.

I know that I intensely want romance in my life. But what evidence of that desire manifests itself? I cannot recall the last time I asked for someone’s number or asked someone out on a date. And if there were any women who were trying to subtly send romantic signals my way, I was either too blind or too dumb to properly interpret them.

So, in the final analysis, I must be an incurable romantic. Because, with my lack of effort, the only way romance is going to find itself into my life is through unanticipated events just like in the script of a cheesy Hollywood movie.

As your friend, please don’t make the same mistakes I have made. If romance is your goal, act like it and get out there and do something. Ask for that number or say yes to that date. Keep your eyes peeled for any subtle signals being sent your way. Don’t be like me and go about things like romance is the furthest thing from your mind.

Oh by the way, this discussion is spiritual. I believe the desire for romance is God-given and when we try to deny that desire, we go against something that God has ordained. Yes, I know you have been hurt before. Yes, I know you are tired of all the games that are being played. Yes, I know that you think you can do bad all by yourself. I know these things because I have also been hurt and played. But our pasts do not erase the purpose that God has for us. If nothing else, our hurts from yesterday should make us wiser and more sensitive to the blessing of romance God is trying to send our way. Let’s not miss that blessing because our negative past experiences has tricked us into thinking that romance is the furthest thing from our minds.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kevin,
No matter how much we kid ourselves, we all want romance.
Like you always say God did not mean for us to be alone, right?

There is this guy and I was really interested in him. I felt that he had it going on. I litteraly threw myself into him. It was so obvious that a blind man could see it.
But I was not what he was looking for. I can respect that because there have other males that were very interested in me but they were not what I was looking for.
I have stood by and watch others come and go. But still it ain't happening.
But who is the winner and looser in this?
I feel that I am a beautiful black woman with a lot of love to give. God has blessed me with so much to share. Why am I wasting time on someone who doesn't want me or feel the same way that I do?
(Do I want to be an after thought or well since no one else will take me I'll settle for her?
If I wasn't good enough in the beginning, why am I now?
God loves me and he did not create me to settle for just being.)
I love life each day and there is a deserving man who will love me just as I am with all that I am.
Unconditionally.
So until he comes into my path way, I am going to live life like it's golden and give praises for every day that I am able to do so.
Peace Out.
lbj

Kevin Morgan said...

LBJS,

Do you believe that there is only one person for you? If so, what happens if you and that one person do not connect?

At any rate, I pray that you will do a better job than me of putting in the effort of finding the love of your life. Do not make the mistake of thinking that romance just happens. If you want love, then go out and get it.

Many women make the mistake of thinking, "I will let the man come to me." Instead, women should do the little and the big things to position themselves for the man to WANT to come to them.

Anonymous said...

Yes Kevin,
I believe that there is one special person that was meant to be with me. That someone where we fit in every way. We will connect if that is in His plan. If I have moved outside of His plan then we won't meet because I am not following His will.
As for going out and getting that love. If you are doing God's will that love will happen. No I don't mean sit around picking your nose and waiting. God has work to be done.
While you are doing His work that love that is meant to be will happen. But if your focus is only on finding that love, your work is in vain because you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
As for your last statement, "Position themselves" for the man to WANT to come to them. What exactly does that mean? Cause I have asked myself many times, "Whats wrong with me, Why am I not good enough?" Then it dawned on me, that there is nothing wrong with me. We've (God and I) got it going on for sure. He's(man)the one with the problem. True enough life is not perfect. I have the grown children drama and the normal hustle and bustles of life. But who doesn't? I am in a position where if a man really WANTS me, he knows where to find me. Why do I have to put a sign on my forehead stating I am single and ready to mingle? Why do I have to eat like a bird and look like I'm suffering from anorexia to satisfy someone who doesn't look like LL Cool J?
Do I sound angry? Darn skippy I am.
Why do we always have to go outside of our box to get that man?
Why do we have to always put ourselves on display like a buffet table to get chosen? After all that work and money, is he really worth it? Just so I can have someone to clean up after, feed and cater to their needs? Now I know why I have a cat.
LBJ