So when we say, “I can do bad all by myself” we are not speaking the whole truth. Yes, that “good for nothing” person can make your life a living hell. But the reality to consider is the decision process that caused you to allow that “bad” person into your life would still be there with or without the presence of the anti-hero/heroine. That same inner quality can cause much more damage in your life than any person with bad intentions can. In fact, it is the presence of other people (good or bad) that helps to lessen the impact of the faulty internal processes we all possess.
So the real truth is “I can (and most likely will) do WORSE all by myself." I can hear you saying, “Hey, you don’t understand how that man left me with 3 kids and no visible means of supporting myself” or “That gold digging woman took me for everything I owned and now I am looking at bankruptcy”. These and other terrible situations seem to suggest that without these scoundrels, life would have been much better than it has turned out to be. But we must also take into account that the same tendencies we have that allowed those people into our lives were there before the “bad” people came. Upon review of your life, you probably would have opened your heart or your house or your life to them sooner had not other people been in your life. Also, when all hell broke loose, it was other people who helped to soften the blow.
The point of this whole discussion is for us to embrace that part of us that drives us to get involved with others. Interacting with others is something that single Christians should do. It is taking the non-spiritual and easy way out to hide behind the myth that “I can do bad all by myself.” God is not calling us to “DO” bad; He expects us to “DO” good and the good we do is most effective when it includes others. Or put another way, we are more likely to do WORSE (and not just bad) if we are by ourselves.
5 comments:
Kevin,
I can't let this one just go by.
I am quite sure you meant to stir up some stuff with this one.
When a women says that "she can do bad all by herself", she means that she doesn't need no free loadin, good for nothing, woman degrading, slack behind, negro laying up, doing nothing and expecting everything.
It's one thing to be in a relationship and the man looses his job or has ill health. We can handle that because we started this thing and we can work it out.
You are married and you realize later down the road that this is a mistake. He don't want to work, ain't trying to work and you are stuck taking care of him, kids and the house. Prayer is coming threw your pores. A decision has to be made what do you do? God gave us common sense.
You and your kids can stay in that situation and take what you get or get out and do what is best for you and your kids. MOVE ON.
We are made to love and be loved not abused and used.
So help me understand where you are coming from with this writing for today.
Is it from the standpoint of enough is enough or I love you and regardless as to what we are going through, I got your back while you try to figure out what, how or when you are going to come through this mess even though you are not trying to come through.
Love is good, love is grand, love makes you cry, love makes you laugh.
When you have someone who is in your corner and you two are fighting for the same cause, Baby, I got your back.
But if you are here for a free ride and taking all that is offered until it is all used up and hung up to dry. I don't need it or you. You said all the right things to get me right where you want me and it is not where I want to be.
So we say, "I can do bad all by myself, I don't need no help".
And we step off.
God again gave us common sense.
We listen and sometimes we pay attention and sometimes we don't. We don't see that train until it hits us smack in the face.
So help me understand this writing again.
LBJS
Dear LBJS,
That "free loading, good for nothing, woman degrading, slack behind, negro laying up, doing nothing and expecting everything" is not the biggest problem. The biggest problem is the seed that is inside all of us that causes us to allow people like the above into our lives.
So if common sense tells you to let the brotha go, that's cool. Just understand that until you do something about that internal process that allowed the bad person in, you are guaranteed to not only do bad by yourself, you will do much worse.
Notice I said that in the beginning, he said all the right words, did all the right things, no warning that the brotha was only putting on a farce. The job was there and he even knows how to dish out some extra cash. You don't know what goes on outside of the relationship when you are not around. You don't know that he is about to be fired or he is holding on until he gets his meal ticket hooked. It seems like this is the answer to your prayers. So then trusting and believing you walk in. That seed that is inside is trusting and believing that this is the answer. You are not knowing that it is a set up. How many set ups does it take before we just say, I don't need the hassle. Life is too short for me to let it go by like that.
Okay, he said and did all the right things and it all turned out to be mirage. The important thing to note is that you fell for whatever he was selling. That speaks to something inside of you.
All of us need to stop blaming others for the bad decisions we make. The problem is not "them", it's "us".
As long as that tendency to make bad decisions and to allow bad people into our lives resides within our psyche, we will always be positioned to do worse all by ourselves.
Kevin,
There is no blame. We started out with I can do bad...
If by the choices we have made turned out to be nightmares on elm street (remember that sermon)
then we need to get out and move on. We don't need to stay in a bad situation and make it worst.
I can't blam the brother or sister who is looking for a free meal or ride. If we are desperate enought to supply it, then it's on us. But the "key" is, if we don't want it, we can be better off without it. Where is the blame? No one is blameing anyone for the error we have made in judgement. This misery does not deservce my company. I don't need any help being broke. Two broke people can have plenty of love and support, but the bills still have to get paid. We can be homeless together baby cause I got your back. You have to look at the whole picture and what makes sense.
There is again no one throwing blame. It is better do be happy doing the things that we do, than being miserable staying in the mess we made.
And you once said it's a chance that we take when we date or go into relationships. We don't know what we are really getting.
I have made some wrong choices.
I have put the cart before the horse. But I am grateful for being where I am now. I am still single again but I am loving life.
LBJS
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