This Week In Review Saturday 3/11/07

This week, the topic was trying to find answers to the question of why we are single. On Sunday, we discussed how we sometimes come up with clichés as excuses. On Tuesday, I talked about how we blame others or even God for our singleness even though deep down inside we know they are not fair nor accurate accusations. On Wednesday, the post was about how we are the ones most to blame for being single and if we are going to grow from our experiences, we need to take responsibility for our unmarried status. On Thursday, I examined why I am single in the hopes that others will also examine the causes of their singleness. .

Below are some questions from comments you left this past week. Check out my responses.

“How do I become content and move from being saved, single and lonely to being single, saved and satisfied?” Should our goal as Christian singles rest on being satisfied? For me, my greatest moments of peace and contentment have come when I was convinced that I was doing what God wants me to do. But whatever I have done in the name of the Lord; I have often felt I could do more. Thus, I was not “satisfied”, but I was at peace. In our singleness, I think the goal should be do live as God would have us to live and the end result will be peace and a sense of purpose. That may or may not lead to “satisfaction”, but that is okay.

“So if we get off this trip and focus on what He wants us to do maybe we can see the whole picture and get busy concentrating on the real deal. His Work.” Why do we often separate “being single” from doing the “real” deal? The bottom line for me is this; what is God’s will for me at this moment and in the future? “His work” as was stated in the comment may be for me to currently use my singleness to be a blessing to others. In the future, “His work” may be for me to be a great husband or father. The “real deal” is “His work” and it can encompass my singleness today and my marriage in the future.

“Is everyone meant to be married?” I strongly believe that for a far majority of us, it is God’s will that we get married. For many of us who are STILL single, it is not because God’s wants us to be single, but because of the impacts of our actions and decisions in the past. When we linger in our state of singleness for longer periods than God intended, we are blocking our blessings and the blessings that God has for others.

“Is this something that we dump on ourselves and make "singleness" even worse because we dwell on just the fact that we are single?” When the result of our attempts to address the question of why we are single leads us to a pity party, then we are making our singleness worse. But, when we accept our responsibility for our current state AND we commit ourselves to fulfilling God’s will, our singleness today can lead to blessings for ourselves and for others.

“Congratulations, to those who know why they are single and I celebrate with those who have a solution to their singleness but for me I pray that I am able to be content and find joy in my singleness.” Is it God’s will that you find joy in your singleness? No one can answer that question, but for themselves. I cannot answer it for you and you cannot answer it for me. But, the focus should not be on what we as individuals want. Rather, it should be on putting into practice what God wants. For example, maybe He wants me to not feel joy in my singleness so I can do what I need to do according to His will to get married. Many of us have been taught that serving God is like getting drunk. We can temporarily forget our problems and experience a temporary high. But that is not the God I serve. He is more like a reality check enforcer that comes with the added benefit of blessing us beyond our expectations if we put Him first in our lives. Joy comes from being in and doing God’s will, not in looking at our current situation (in this case, our singleness) and pretending like we are happy about it.

“In order to enjoy the fullness of the blessings of that special someone, you would need to be married. As the bible said, "for it is better to marry than to burn.” It is interesting that you cite this scripture. Paul, who by many accounts was very, very, very committed to His calling more than many of us are, was expressing a concern about one’s spiritual well-being. In essence he was saying, that instead of running around town having sex without the benefit of a spiritually sanctioned relationship and suffering the consequences of that, it is better to get married and have all of the sex you want with your spouse. Paul was willing to deny himself sexual pleasure in his pursuit of spiritual growth and he was not shy about urging others to do the same. He was doing what he believed to be consistent with God’s will. Are we Christian singles willing to put God’s will above our will in every aspect of our lives and not just as it relates to sex?

“Could you please tell me how to learn to be content in every situation?” For Christians, the periods of time where one will find their greatest sense of contentment is when they are doing what they believe to be God’s will. The challenge is to recognize God’s will as opposed to our will that we try to trick God into endorsing. When we try to pull one over on God, we still will miss out on the peace and contentment you mentioned in your question.

“Just trying to get out there and just make friends is a job. You have to work at it. And then you don't know if they are for real or not. You know in your heart that you are sincere, but who is to say that the other person is or don't have a hidden agenda?” It would seem like the focus of this question is on the wrong thing. Sometimes we are so concerned about the possible negative outcomes that we do not properly value the possible positive outcomes. Whether talking about platonic friendships or romantic relationships, what is the best that can happen? The more we trust in God, the more we can believe that the best is possible. Unfortunately, our trust in God is not strong enough for us to stop worrying about being played or taken advantage of or being lied on or being used or being victimized by others who may not be sincere. If I truly trust God, then so what if there are people out there with their own secret agendas? God has my back and that is good enough for me to EXPECT the best from my relationships with others.